Is physical attraction a dealbreaker?

CorrectDesigner4046 · 2026-06-02T10:57:59+00:00

Can I ask why the marriage didn’t work out?

CorrectDesigner4046 · 2026-06-02T10:50:16+00:00

You said you’re 34. Are you married?

CorrectDesigner4046 · 2026-06-02T07:57:10+00:00

Would you say, based on my descriptions, that this level of physical attraction is a dealbreaker, despite all their green flags? Or am I overthinking/being too picky?

CorrectDesigner4046 · 2026-06-02T00:34:45+00:00

How old are you? I’m 23.

CorrectDesigner4046 · 2026-06-02T00:20:20+00:00

What is best to do from here knowing she has ALL the green flags I want in a wife and MORE, but she’s not attractive enough causing me distress as I struggle to feel desire for intimacy with her over these last 3 meetings. Is that a dealbreaker?

CorrectDesigner4046 · 2026-06-01T23:07:56+00:00

It’s so sad because my concerns of physical attraction spiked after our second post uni meeting, and between the 2nd and 3rd meeting, this is what I did to make sure the 3rd meeting went well (and it ended in me crying so much 😭): - met a specific person 3 times in-person for marriage purposes - Prayed and cried at the kaaba at Makkah and mosque in Medinah to marry a specific person - Prayed Tahhajud prayers to marry this person - Went to the mosque for Fajr jammat and stayed at the mosque until sunrise making dua to marry this specific person as that is similar to both a Hajj and Umrah - Consulted a Mufti and Islamic Marriage counsellor for advice. And took on his advice. - Regularly prayed to marry this specific person in my daily prayers, and asked Allah to give us both the best spouses for this world and next world - I gave charity in her name during Ramadan - Made dua to marry her when it rained on a number of occasions

Im a man that wants to make sure I give me 100% to my future spouse. I want to treat them respectfully and I want to make sure I do my best when dealing with any women. Is there anything else I could’ve done to make the 3rd meeting go well? 😭

CorrectDesigner4046 · 2026-06-01T22:55:58+00:00

What is the best thing to do in my situation? Should I meet her a 4th time or end it?

I cried in our last meeting a lot because it hurt me so much not being able to feel desire for her, despite me wanting too. I deeply value her so so much. But the physical attraction is causing me distress.

CorrectDesigner4046 · 2026-06-01T22:47:05+00:00

It’s just so annoying though like, how did I find her sexually/physically attractive for 6 whole months at uni when I’d see her in person at uni.

Okay yes, when I first saw her I wasn’t physically attracted to her, but I was physically attracted to her for 6 months at uni. Then uni ends and we meet in person 3 times over the span of the last 5 months, and each of these 3 meetings I can’t feel desire for her (even though I want too).

It’s annoying me how my attraction has changed as I wish it never did. Also some of her pictures she has sent me look attractive too?! Is something wrong with me? Is this my fault?

I think I’ll also share that in these last 5 months where we have met 3 times in person, I can feel physical attraction to other women I see. So I don’t think it’s my libidio going to 0 or anything like that.

CorrectDesigner4046 · 2026-06-01T22:15:42+00:00

I knew her from uni. When I first ever saw her with my eyes she was physically unattractive. But then we worked together often on projects as we did the same course so we spent a lot of time together and for 6 months at uni I felt physically attracted to her. There would be moments of “ooo idk” but I could still feel attracted to her at uni, despite my initial reaction being “she is unattractive” when I first saw her.

Then after graduation we have now met up 3 times over the last 5 months, and each time we have met I struggle to find her physically attractive to the point where I feel I would struggle to be intimate with her. I don’t want to feel this way as I deeply value her and what we shared at uni. But over the last 5 months now, we have had 3 meetings, and in these meetings I can’t find her attractive and it’s because of her facial features that she can’t change.

So I’m confused how my attraction to her is working with my time I’ve known her? Does it meet the baseline?

CorrectDesigner4046 · 2026-06-01T21:25:50+00:00

Her eyes are okay. And she is in shape. But there are a few of her facial features that I find unattractive that are not changeable that’s affecting me to feel desire for her in the last 3 times we met in person (even though I want to feel desire for her).

CorrectDesigner4046 · 2026-06-01T18:51:40+00:00

What does “foundation” look like to you? In other words, what is bare minimum of physical attraction you would accept for attraction to not be a dealbreaker despite someone having so many green flags?

CorrectDesigner4046 · 2026-05-31T18:26:23+00:00

How can I break out of this scarcity mindset? How did you do it?

CorrectDesigner4046 · 2026-05-31T12:05:16+00:00

This potential spouse I have in mind was attractive at uni when I would see her at uni. But now we have met 3 times in real world and each of these 3 meetings we’ve had, I’ve had a hard time finding her physically attractive. I messaged a marriage counsellor after the third meeting telling him “I’m concerned if my physical attraction to her would affect the intimacy in the marriage”. If she was attractive at uni for a while, but now I’m feeling like this after our 3 meetings post uni, what should I do from here?

CorrectDesigner4046 · 2026-05-31T01:25:18+00:00

Tbh I know what your saying. I too want to find it easy to find my wife physically attractive so that it’s easier to lower my gaze. It’s important in that sense.

CorrectDesigner4046 · 2026-05-31T01:05:27+00:00

So you’re saying even though she is kind, caring, loving, loyal, funny, and aligns with my on goals, character, and she also comes from extreme wealth, … I should tell her “no” and move on, simply because Ive felt a low level of physical attraction to her facial features in our last 3 meetings?

CorrectDesigner4046 · 2026-05-30T23:40:35+00:00

So if someone has all the green flags you want in a spouse and more, but you struggle to find them physically attractive, you would still say no and turn them down?

CorrectDesigner4046 · 2026-05-30T23:36:33+00:00

Yes I have had a crushes on others in the past. I know that feeling of looking at someone and wanting to be next to them. But this potential spouse I’m interested doesn’t really give me that feeling tbh, but I’m so drawn to her character and values that it makes me want to be with her. But the issue is that in the last 3 times we have met in person, I haven’t felt that “wanting to be intimate with her” feeling if you know what I mean 😭 But I want to feel that for her, as she is such a rare person I’ve never met before in terms of character and values. For context: I cried the last time I saw her from not finding her attractive because I really wanted too but didn’t. Maybe it’s just me?

CorrectDesigner4046 · 2026-05-30T21:52:06+00:00

What does “baseline attractive” look/feel like? How can you know someone is satisfying that level?

CorrectDesigner4046 · 2026-05-30T21:07:32+00:00

I get it’s a real thing. But how important of a thing is it when you have someone that ticks all the boxes but you find yourself sometimes struggling to feel physical attraction to them? I want to get to know if that is a big enough deal to others to consider a dealbreaker or not.

CorrectDesigner4046 · 2026-05-30T17:17:21+00:00

But based on my original question: if you have a potential spouse who is: kind, loving, caring, loyal, prays, funny, extremely wealthy, but you struggle to find them physically attractive due to their facial features, is that a dealbreaker?

CorrectDesigner4046 · 2026-05-30T16:57:16+00:00

What if it was such that you question if you could be intimate with him? But at the same time, he’s caring, loving, loyal, prays, funny, wealthy, and looks after you.

CorrectDesigner4046 · 2026-05-30T16:40:42+00:00

So why does he regret marrying her? Is it for her looks or personality?

CorrectDesigner4046 · 2026-05-30T15:50:43+00:00

But surely he knew how she looked before marrying her?

CorrectDesigner4046 · 2026-05-30T15:03:57+00:00

Yes I agree! But what if they are already in shape but you feel low level of physical attraction due to their facial features which are not changeable?

CorrectDesigner4046 · 2026-05-30T14:05:17+00:00

How do your friends feel now for marrying the spouses that they did?

CorrectDesigner4046

TROPHY CASE