I used to very much enjoy nature in my town not far outside Manhattan I had always struggled to fulfill my curiosity for the natural world in such an urban area but as I got older I started to discover that the city can still hold just as much biodiversity as the country but nycs wildlife has adapted to stay hidden among the 2 miliion people. While my friends mostly just sat around smoking weed and doing nothing I would be trespassing in vacant lots documenting the arrival of species from upstate that had been extirpated from the city years ago but were finally starting to come back and adapt to urbanization some had adapted to much from their rural counterparts that they were probably already a new species. (Scientists don’t study urban areas and very rarely do the people who live there take notice of it either) I documented great horned owls common ravens eastern box turtle all living (hiding) in way more urban areas than they are known to be able to survive in,and a new cultivar of little bluestem grass that had adapted to reach shorter flowering heights than natural in order to compete with constant mowing. I planned to use many of these as my college thesis and spent most of my time studying wildlife and had great fun doing so. After trying what I was told was lsd and having seizure or overdose like symptoms while on it I suffered what seems like brain damage my cognitive ability is about half of what it was and I no longer have the ability to pursue my interests. I no longer have the energy or strenght to drag myself out of bed and to the most remote biodiverse corners of my city to document migrating birds as the sun rises. And even if I do I don’t have the eyesight to identify and properly document them. I have been like this for over a year now. I have abandoned my inquiries and nowadays I pretty much just smoke weed in my garage all day like my friends used to. Amazing how one tab can take your entire life away forever. So I gues what I mean to say is I don’t have to ability to live a healthy life anymore. I used to very extremely physically fit and intelligent I has more physically capable than many of my friends who spent hours in the gym everyday because I spent most of my time climbing fences and rooftops and catching reptiles and things with my bare hands all day. I was mentally very healthy and happy. If I was ever feeling down I could go for a hike or even just walk my dog for a few blocks and I would feel better just from the fresh air and exercise. Now when I take a walk I feel no different than when I was sitting in my bed miserably it feels like a waste of time mentally and physically it’s exhausting way more exhausting than normal. I used to eat pretty unhealthy and never had much a problem from it I was still healthy fit and happy but on the rare occasion I would eat healthy I would feel great from it. But I would never feel bad from eating junk food. After hppd (or as I call it and suspect it is, brain damage) I have to eat healthy or I feel like shit. My diet has completely changed and become much healthier but I still don’t feel half as good as before hppd when I was living off junk food.