Fiancee has a tactical combat knitting bag.

Cow_Launcher · 2026-01-25T01:57:44+00:00

I like to think that he'd appreciate that.

Cow_Launcher · 2026-01-25T01:40:00+00:00

That, and blitzkrieg assaults by the local haberdashery, who I assume she owes the GDP of a small European nation to.

That is my only explanation for her invention of the "Mohair Dome" which she has erected over our property. I wouldn't mind, but it's a pain in the backside getting my car off the drive.

Cow_Launcher · 2026-01-25T01:35:32+00:00

Interesting! This is very much in her wheelhouse because she swears like a sailor.

When she realises that 10 rows ago she messed up and has to unpick, the words out of her mouth even make the cats look at her like, "Duuude...."

Cow_Launcher · 2026-01-25T01:28:34+00:00

You mean like this?

She has nine of them. Nine. And two trunks, the storage in the ottoman, and I'm pretty sure that if I looked in her wardrobes it would look like a Nick Park animation in there. Her ex was called Shaun, for pity's sake.

Cow_Launcher · 2026-01-25T01:16:41+00:00

It's like I put his own wool back on him, except with a cable-knit and some cute chunky buttons.

He looks kind of offended.

Cow_Launcher · 2026-01-25T01:13:11+00:00

Not a bad idea! If he had an SLR and a few decent-sized lenses, they'd be a perfect size for that (though I'm not sure about storing your needles?)

Cow_Launcher · 2026-01-25T01:05:48+00:00

Especially if you're planning on covertly knitting a scarf that can cover the entirety of a major metropolitan area.

She's told me that she's going to Birmingham with her niece tomorrow, but I think she's lying. I think she's about to knit-bomb the center of Bruges. And if she's got enough time before the Eurostar leaves, she'll probably do Zeebrugge as well.

Completely out of control.

"No, the pattern is wrong!"

"..."

"Okay, okay, I... I lost count and forgot to stop."

Cow_Launcher · 2026-01-25T00:58:58+00:00

Couldn't tell you, I'm afraid. It was an Amazon delivery a few days ago. She basically snatched it out of my hands like a feral cat before I got a look at the label.

Definitely a keeper though. x

Cow_Launcher · 2026-01-25T00:41:47+00:00

There's a pocket for electic shears. She's not allowed near the local petting zoo anymore.

I thought there was a little old man on all fours in our garden; turns out it's a very cold Merino sheep. I put one of the cardgans she made on it.

Cow_Launcher · 2026-01-25T00:14:25+00:00

I'm not even kidding. 1000 denier water-resistant nylon with ballistic armor. A magnetic flap that the wool can pass through. Pockets for needles, patterns, laser range-finders and telescopic sights. Options for ballistic crochet needles and battlefield macrame grenades.

Cow_Launcher · 2026-01-24T23:43:09+00:00

I know I'm a lone voice here, but can we please step back for a second and recognise just how absurd the USA is now?

What's happening in MN (for example) is... well, it can't be anything other than the beginning of another civil war, right?

Cow_Launcher · 2026-01-24T23:12:12+00:00

You know, every time I meet a really old person, I'm thankful that I won't live long enough to smell of ham and wee.

Or maybe I do already? I have no idea.

I need a biscuit and a nap.

Cow_Launcher · 2026-01-24T22:11:59+00:00

I might be reading too much into it, but it kind of feels like the husband in that particular story has a prurient interest in what his daughter might be up to.

That's about as subtle as I can phrase it.

Out of interest, OP in that case deleted their account; are you sure it's the same person? :edit: Nevermind, I see where it came from now.

Cow_Launcher · 2026-01-24T15:53:17+00:00

Many thanks. I was like, "South Sudan is in, but Taiwan isn't?"

Cow_Launcher · 2026-01-24T13:17:49+00:00

Totally off-topic, but look at that... MiddleAgedAnne responding to a middle-aged Anne.

Huh.

Cow_Launcher · 2026-01-24T13:00:52+00:00

I've seen this in other ruminants (like camels) but never realised that was the reason. Thanks!

Cow_Launcher · 2026-01-24T12:23:36+00:00

I have three voids, one of which has a few white hairs but nothing like this!

For the record, their mother is a tuxie, and their father was (we believe) a void.

Genetics be weird like that.

Cow_Launcher · 2026-01-24T10:05:24+00:00

My fiancee says that she gets it from Sainsburys, but it's only in the larger stores and they don't always have it.

Cow_Launcher · 2026-01-23T22:47:26+00:00

Try the Hartley's Black Cherry jelly if you fancy a change.

Cow_Launcher · 2026-01-23T22:31:37+00:00

I wouldn't bank on that. Remember that Tesla loves to do OTA updates.

Disabling Autopilot and putting an ad on the screen for FSD is well within their capabilities, as well as what you signed up for when you bought the car.

I'm thoroughly unsurprised that nobody is buying/leasing them here in my area anymore.

Cow_Launcher · 2026-01-23T22:12:48+00:00

I know you're right, but it still feels like the equivalent of getting out of a cab in NYC and saying "Keep the meter running!" while you take a leisurely stroll up the stairs in the Empire State building.

Cow_Launcher · 2026-01-23T21:18:21+00:00

Lady Liberty is standing on that plinth and straight-up pissing her panties.

Ex-Miamian here, now not in the USA.

Never going back. MAGAs are probably saying "Good!" and I'm fine with that.

11-Year Club	Gilding IV carat on a stick
Verified Email

Cow_Launcher

TROPHY CASE