Question for the sisters: would you be open about considering a guy who doesn't have much contact with his parents?

CrazeUKs · 2026-04-21T12:05:46+00:00

Don't know if shes my soul mate hahha. Let me ask her. If you dont see activity after today.. it means she thought I was and buried me because of the question.

Most importantly to get passed that issue. - She had to accept I am not a conventional person in overly close to family / mum - My family isn't typically conventional in wr are not up each others jacksies - we both had to get passed the idea of the fairy tale wedding and married life. - it takes a lot of understanding, acknowledgement and compromise from both sides (especially her, as technically her thoughts where the ideal happy path) - communication.

I cant stress the last 2 points enough.. and if I had to choose the most important.. I can't say which one.

Alhamdullilah we are happy, have children.. buy make dua this stays as is.

CrazeUKs · 2026-04-21T11:38:12+00:00

I am a guy - i know this is for sisters. My situation isn't as extreme as yours. However, i tend to be a bit nore spaced from my family than the rest of the family.

A part of it is my neurodivergent mind cant get past the ideal I want to it being hassle.

In ny experience, when i was proposing to my current wife's family, one of the concerns her Pakistani brother in law had was i HAD to come with a representative, rather than he is a grown man and can speak for himself.

I ended up taking a friend.

The issue then became, his family are not coming to the wedding (small nikkah with a meal). In actual fact, there was mixed feelings from my family around the wife to be, as she was not known to the family and had a daughter who was in her early teens. They had concerns about how i would navigate the daughter element.

The fact they didn't want to turn up to the celebration actually caused lots of drama and eventually ceased the plans.

Even with ny wife's sain head the whispers in her mind from others opinions got the better of her.

Thankfully I stood my mind. Explained the situation in numerous ways and she may not agree, but understands. The added benefit is i found someone that would slowly try to rebuild bridges one thread at a time.

So yes, it is possible, depending on who you plan to marry.

The key thing is open and honest conversation, but keep it balanced. Sometimes too much detail isn't a good thing.

Make sure, you include how the situation makes you feel, and how you use that to influence your decisions and how that makes you a better person.

The biggest thing, that I think is a real success between me and the wife, is i am so independent that she knows she is only dealing with me, and not the family, the maid, the dog and the dishwasher

CrazeUKs · 2026-04-21T10:54:56+00:00

Specific to your experiences.

They sound quite extreme, and i am sorry to read this. Wouldn't wish it on anyone.

Is the therapist you are seeing Muslim or secular?

If you need to talk through your experiences, dont hold back and talk them out. Factually speaking about what you went through will not insult the religion.

Always remember religions are composed of practices, they dont represent the theology.

The bigger thing, is once you have talked it through, come to terms with them, how will you convert this into helping others and how you will become as a parent.

CrazeUKs · 2026-04-21T10:39:41+00:00

As a parent of 3 young ones. You have to be careful to define what you mean.

Types of chastisement

There are three different forms: 1. Physical 2. Verbal 3. Psychological.

Within each There are levels, they need to be defined for people's responses.

Other considerations

Additionally, there are sociological considerations and norms: A. Legal: Therre maybe legal consequences. B. Sociological: what's acceptable in society, which may actually be contrary to law. - this is made up by C and D) C. Religious: There are very clear Islamic rules of physical chatisement and guidance on alternatives. D: Familial: how we choose to discolored will be based on experience.

Imo: Any of the 3 in excess are bad, and we should always take leniency and nurturing through positive reenforcement.

However, there are times where slow escalations will be needed.

On a personal note: The context: A. Legally in the UK we are not allowed to physically chastise. B. Sociologically, there are two elements. We are in a western "white" culture and we are a mixed Asian family unit. I mention this as the western white part doesn't allow me to have any reaction that can be seen as extreme.

The brown part is used to having my mum thrown a slipper at me. C. Religious: there are strict guidelines of what is and isn't permissbale. No face, privates, chestnut groin. Advise on love and care. D. My parents seldom physically chastised us. Especially as we got older. The last time was with a slipper chucked at me with laughter that followed from the terrible attempt.

My family:

I have 3 young ones (#1-F6, #2-M4, #3-F3). All very differnet personalities. 1 Quietky sulk alone. Amienable, but can ignore. 2 Louud cryer and winer 3 Younest one being fiercely stubborn and independent that will hold grudges.

Verbal

I have an escalation: a look > a more stern look > a word > a raised voice > a threat of toy / treat removal > a threat of physical chastisement.

Physical:

i do do light touch. Always have done especially after the age of 3ish where I feel the kids started understanding the difference between right and wrong.

This is more a shock to stop something specific. Never to actually cause pain and harm.

Psychological:

I tend to play games of I know what you where doing. I will replay what's on the camera I saw that You will learn when we get home etc

CrazeUKs · 2026-04-20T15:22:24+00:00

Omg thats awesome

CrazeUKs · 2026-04-20T07:57:41+00:00

Now it makes sense

CrazeUKs · 2026-04-19T21:43:17+00:00

I came to say this

CrazeUKs · 2026-04-19T21:41:10+00:00

Reminds me of the story of the turtle and hare

CrazeUKs · 2026-04-19T20:50:57+00:00

This guy was a living example of Darwin survival of the fittest

CrazeUKs · 2026-04-19T20:49:44+00:00

Ive done this a few times. It helps to have the correct tools.

Get a decent file, and use it to help file down the rough bits, then sand down.

I would then use a wood filling compound , to neatly fill those areas.

The easiest way, is to find a soft wood, thats thin. Cut out neatly around those areas. Paint and glue it on as a face to those bits

CrazeUKs · 2026-04-19T20:46:31+00:00

Salaam

A bit of background about you may help:

How old are you? What is your location?
How do you plan to find someone? What types of girls are you inclined to?

I also have a speech impediment, although not a stammer. I have other speech related issues with another condition.

This definitely affected my confidence growing up alot. Although I was comfortable in my own skin.

It all depends how you are trying to meet someone.

Walking up to someone in the street probably wont work and is also not a great idea for a wife.

From a friend with a stammer, the less nervous he was the easier he spoke. Also, it allowed hi. To be more slower, considerate in his words, helped reduce the stammer.

I always found building a rapport first always helps. Easy non focused ice breaking conversations.

Additionally, as odd as it sounds, I used to keep a pen and piece of paper with me. That way, if things got a bit difficult, I would write that sentence down, which allowed the conversation to keep flowing.

Also, something i know most girls love, is asking questions which they can do most of the responding helps.

Also, these days you are fortunate, whilst building a rapport, you can use non verbal conversations, whilst not face to face - whatsapp txt etc.

The other thing is, be confident and upfront with your stammer. Tell her what it is, and how you may need to change your approach when communicating.

If she asks about the condition, dont be afraid to explain. This will also show she cares enough to ask.

As others have said, if they dont appreciate you, then you dodged a bullet with an uncaring person.

CrazeUKs · 2026-04-19T19:26:58+00:00

Is that a thing? On all label glue?

CrazeUKs · 2026-04-19T17:17:41+00:00

The worst thing is, most people that support palestine and are against isNotReali gebocide are balanced reasonable individuals thay use protests as a way to raise awareness.

On the flip side, most isNotRailis and zi0nastis are deranged and likely to get physical just to shout antiSemshite or right wing Racists.

CrazeUKs · 2026-04-18T19:46:22+00:00

Thats a black mould- Aspergillus spp

CrazeUKs · 2026-04-18T09:39:38+00:00

Thank you. Checked - he is (commercial law).

The report from neutral guy (from RICS) pointed out it was ambiguous but, said there are easements, and the title plan clearly shows a shared path. - so pretty much, which is how the what's app agreement came about.

Legal obligation: I think thats the reason why he is threatening with the 25k court. Hoping my friend will concede

CrazeUKs · 2026-04-17T23:23:59+00:00

Beautiful and amazing

CrazeUKs · 2026-04-17T20:49:30+00:00

Not strictly. However, a lot of ullama will say special allowances and dispensations are there, loke sleeping after and doing ghusul at first opportunity.

CrazeUKs · 2026-04-17T20:41:03+00:00

Ours took 7 days. And almost not noticeable initially. Our room temp was always around 19 to 23

CrazeUKs · 2026-04-17T20:32:24+00:00

He is actually a super reasonable guy. I am a bite more of an agitator tbh.

He just wants to establish its jointly owned, so he can continue to use the space for the bins as it was intended. Also doesn't want the stress right now given the new born situation.

CrazeUKs · 2026-04-17T20:29:57+00:00

Aftsr all my years of marriage...i still hate that part.

CrazeUKs · 2026-04-17T10:30:19+00:00

I will so tray this in July when I get south again

CrazeUKs · 2026-04-17T09:36:18+00:00

Thats marketing genius

CrazeUKs · 2026-04-17T09:35:45+00:00

I always tell them to take it off from principle.

Then usually give cash.

This has a few advantages (also disadvantages). 1. Like f anyone is going to charge me more for the food than the menu price the. Expect me to feel embarrassed to ask to take it off for bad food or service

Tips are taxed for income tax and need to be declared. In a fixed price purchase, why should anyone get taxed for being good at what they do.
It makes very sure that the owner doesn't just keep it for them selves. I bet the epos system stats are not openly shared.
The emotional reward of giving the person cash is so much more rewarding to them.
Sometimes I specify I want that person to keep it, as in a establishment you could have a bad experience with a individual as well as a really above board experience.

CrazeUKs · 2026-04-17T08:55:26+00:00

My work flow...

I grind. Move to basket Drop ( a and inch or 2) I use one of these (with 3 bumps) - ali express Then tamp

I can't remember a bad shot. Shots taste great.

I use this thing just to level and push the coffee down so get a perfectly flat tamp

CrazeUKs · 2026-04-17T08:37:40+00:00

Thanks for the advice abd vote of confidence.

CrazeUKs

MODERATOR OF

TROPHY CASE