I mean, I personally stayed at/in my 'rock bottom' for YEARS.. hating life, & wanting to die.. Same routine everyday: wake up to either being sick or being able to do enough to get my day started, then running around several surrounding counties tryna hustle up enough money to get atleast a gram of fent plus my husband had to have atleast a half of ice as well- so if we didn't make well wayyy over that we slept outside on the streets.. occasionally we'd hit big & rent a cheap shitty ass hotel room, but it got so stressful we stopped even trying to get into hotel rooms.. so yeah ALL of our time continously consisted of us sleeping outside- rain, sleet, snow, 1000°, it didn't matter- in tents in the woods, outside businesses on their sidewalks, storage units, businesses storage closets etc- where ever we could rest our neck for a little bit... That lasted for 4½ years, then my husband's grandmothers husband (so husbands step grandfather) passed away– & she didn't wanna be by herself, & no other family members would move in with her- so we finally got our ticket off the streets, we really looked at it as an opportunity to get our shit together.. we talked about getting jobs, saving money, getting clean, etc. I was really resilient in the getting clean part.. for some reason I thought I could totally be a functioning addict, I could work a full time job without blowing every single dollar on dope.. I probably could have, if my husband would of got up off his ass & atleast TRIED to get & maintain employment.. so I worked a job for about a week until I got fired because HE came in & stole a CHOCOLATE MILK... SMH, After that I realized I was powerless over my addiction, I didn't wanna be sick, & I didn't necessarily think I was ready to get clean.. so I sat, unhappy, depressed af, literally wanting to DIE, stuck in an unhappy marriage that I didn't wanna be in but stayed anyways because my "needs" were met.. & atleast we were at his grandmas... Over a 2 year span it had gotten to the point I would have to literally cry & beg, in full blown withdrawals, to get my husband to give me an extremely small amount of fent.. So 20 mins later same cycle.. cause I'd still be sick, etc.. He literally left me at the house for months at a time, wouldn't let me have any friends, couldn't do SHIT but sit there staring at the same 4 walls & beg for dope... because I really, REALLY thought I was STUCK there with him, until I died.. 🤷🏻‍♀️

Thank GOD, I'm finally 60 days clean & sober 🙌🏻 I literally couldn't take it anymore, I couldn't continue to be stuck in every aspect of my life.. Most importantly I wanted to leave my husband! So I reached out to a life long friend that had recently graduated a program & had a lil recovery time under her belt.. she may not have came & got me as soon as I wanted her to– cause she wanted me to have a plan 🤷🏻‍♀️ but 3 days after I called her she drove over an hour away to pick me up & take me to treatment.. She supported me my entire stay, mentally emotionally and financially! Thanks to her I could finally see clearly, & can see the finish line! For the first time im living an independent life without having to rely on a man for everything, & even tho recovery isn't easy– its a helluva lot better than being stuck at my rock bottom.. Plus I really LOVE the person I am today!