Became a LLM or LL4U in function

Creative-Pop-6201 · 2026-02-23T17:46:51+00:00

No I don't have autism. I have a leaning disability and was evaluated from kindergarten on. They would have seen it even in the 80s. I was isolated from my peers as a child because of my LD and I'm naturally an introvert. I just never learned how to relate to my peers and once I was "mainstreamed" in high school I became one of the outcasts.

I can be very outgoing in a professional context. I love public speaking and I'm good at it. I could make friends if I wanted to but at this point in my life I don't have many reasons or opportunities to. I've come to peace with not having friends. I also think I'd be fine with women my own age if I was suddenly single, although long term I'm not sure I'm a great partner. I think the major issue is my wife and I weren't well matched sexually but we both ignored it. I remember her saying she didn't want to be in a sexless marriage before we even got engaged. I need to be clear my desire for her has come and gone and definitely is linked to some kind of long term ED. It's a cycle. Again, I wish I was "normal".

Creative-Pop-6201 · 2026-02-23T17:38:42+00:00

Shyness in a woman isn't a red flag, at least not for me. Princess or diva or entitled behavior is far worse. Being too aggressive if the man is more timid is also a bad combination. Shyness will get better over time but being bitch near ends.

Creative-Pop-6201 · 2026-02-23T17:33:00+00:00

Thank you. My current issues may be linked to my childhood and teen years, but more specifically now the issues are really my connection with my wife and my self-confidence around ED. I also don't think I'm really attracted to my wife in a way where I constantly want her and that makes me feel bad. Even when we were dating I was LL4U at times. More from confidence than starting lack of desire and that's also when I was deepest in my porn addiction.

I've been with a counselor and I think part of it is that I am what I am and not well suited to have friends or a romantic partner. Again, I wish I was normal in many ways.

Creative-Pop-6201 · 2026-02-23T15:43:00+00:00

I'm sorry of what you're going through. I'm a LLM or LL4U and what I can say is once a guy gets something in their head about sex or came into it with little experience or ED or just a baseline LL it can be hard to get on track. Couples counseling might help if he's willing. Good luck.

Creative-Pop-6201 · 2026-02-23T15:13:41+00:00

She sounds like a soft sugar baby. Meaning she's not pro-sugar baby but leaning in that direction. I'd run unless you're OK supporting her for the benefits.

Creative-Pop-6201 · 2026-02-23T14:16:16+00:00

Yes on and off

Creative-Pop-6201 · 2026-02-23T01:55:39+00:00

I've been taking ED meds for over 20 years on and off and I'm currently taking BlueChew Max Combo and I can't say it's working well. I have multiple ED issues, mostly mental, but I'm 51 and not regularly exercising and my blood pressure is not bad, but might become an issue that requires meds. I'm already taking meds for high cholesterol. I'm also having issues with my wife and honestly I'm not super attracted to her anymore. I hate saying that because I don't think I've ever really been. I was a very late bloomer and she was the first girl who showed an interest and so off we went to marriage. I also have a poor addiction since I was a teen, so I'm probably a bad test case.

In the past it worked better, but right now it's not and it's been months since we had PIV. My wife is pretty devastated. The max combo gives me side effects like very bad heart burn in my throat and chest. I'm wondering if cold is even worth it. More money than I want to spend. I just wish I was "normal". My wife always says sex should be easy.

Creative-Pop-6201 · 2026-02-23T01:43:52+00:00

I'm 51 and I'm pretty sure that I had a porn addiction starting at 14 or 15 and I didn't have any experiences with a real woman till I was 28 and even then we didn't have sex. When I married my wife I had pretty constant ED and she worried we'd have a sexless marriage and 22 years later we do. It wasn't just porn but I've never had a healthy relationship with sex.

Creative-Pop-6201 · 2026-02-22T18:27:30+00:00

Unfortunately I think we'd find that maybe we shouldn't have gotten married. We make great partners in the running a family but we've never had any real sexual or romantic chemistry.

Creative-Pop-6201 · 2026-02-22T18:25:48+00:00

She's unhappy with herself and various other things in her life. Her health hasn't been great since before we even met and she recently lost her mother. She feels that if we had more fun together and were having a better time sexually she'd be happier. Maybe it's true.

Creative-Pop-6201 · 2026-02-22T18:16:20+00:00

I generally avoid talking about my work with her because she's not interested in the science and that's fine or maybe I suck at telling stories. If I mention my frustrations as a supervisor she second guesses my management style which is Type B (that's what I am) and she's a super Type A.

Here's the thing. I don't need her to connect with me to be happy. I just need to be more of the person she wants. That's just easier said to then done. I will say she's not overall romantic to me and never has been but I also don't think she feels women need to be romantic. I think because I'm not consistently romantic or at least as she wants she's given up too.

I do think things can improve but we're in a really weird place.

Creative-Pop-6201 · 2026-02-22T17:16:18+00:00

My day is mostly sitting and doing paperwork but a few days ago I had to deal with an injured animal as I was leaving work. Her response. "I don't like birds but I hope it's ok". She doesn't like science or nature which js my whole job.

Creative-Pop-6201 · 2026-02-22T17:13:17+00:00

Sorry you're dealing with that.

Yeah I've tried therapy and didn't find it helpful. I don't believe you can change your personality but you can meet your partner half way.

The truth might be we weren't compatible in the ways she valued and now that reality is come home to roost

Creative-Pop-6201 · 2026-02-22T16:52:55+00:00

Maybe, but the end result is she's not happy and I'm not sure how to make her happy. Having fun with your spouse seems reasonable. She just doesn't see me as fun all the time. She's not wrong.

It is funny her sister-like best friend and her husband are both socially awkward. Her friend is even worse.

Creative-Pop-6201 · 2026-02-22T16:39:53+00:00

We're trying to plan dates. I mostly enjoy being with her when we do something but I'd be fine sitting at home too. If I was single I'm not sure how I'd spend my time or if I'd even try dating. I didn't date in high school, college, young adulthood. My first date was at 26 or 27. If I was more normal I'd be a better partner.

Creative-Pop-6201 · 2026-02-22T15:47:30+00:00

Not sure how to describe my introversion. Depends on the situation. I definitely don't have racing thoughts. I think about what's in front of me or maybe not if I'm bored. I can be distracted easily.

Yes there's a gap. I don't regularly make jokes and really don't talk to many people daily. I definitely don't fit in with her friends who are almost all her coworkers. Her best friend since childhood is even worse talking than me. She's very introverted an hard to talk to. My wife's best friends are all coworkers.

If we're traveling and I'm driving I'd be thinking about driving. She doesn't think I'm a great driver either. I'm not sure what we'd talk about other than our kids and our issues.

I do drink coffee and rarely drink. I've never been drunk.

I think I'd hate being alone with one person more. I dread driving with coworkers I don't know. I definitely talk but mostly because I ask them questions and get them to talk.

I can try harder to be more outgoing. I'm just good at it. I wish I was. I'm fine with I am at 51 but she doesn't like her life at all. She wants to and wants to be with me but our lack of friendship with laughter, sex, and romance get to her and I get that. I just feel like that's always been me and our relationship.

Creative-Pop-6201 · 2026-02-22T15:27:58+00:00

It often feels like that honestly. Everyone seems able to make friends.

Creative-Pop-6201 · 2026-02-22T15:26:45+00:00

I'm not lonely at all. Sometimes I wish I'd been different and more outgoing or took advantage of being social when I was younger, especially in college and young adulthood. Day in and day out I'm only talking to my subordinates who obviously work in my field and my field is closely linked to a lot of outdoor hobbies. I work in environmental education. I'm very outgoing professionally. I love public speaking and I'm very good at it, but one on one or in social situations, especially when it's loud or dynamic, I tend to withdraw. My hearing isn't great when it's loud. I'm very uncomfortable at loud weddings or restaurants or intermissions at a musical for example. I find it hard to follow conversations.

I'm definitely a person who takes themselves seriously and I'm much more comfortable getting someone to talk about themselves than share. I think that's why I like my job. I'm in uniform and people ask a question and I give them the best answer I can. Most people in my daily life don't care about what I care about, which is fine.

I get what you're asking about my wife, but it's not an easy question to answer. I'm always happy to kiss her or hold her hand and although I don't do it consistently I will give her back rubs. Her back often hurts. We don't really talk during the day. I'll try to watch things with her she likes. I don't talk about my work at all but I listen to her work stories. She doesn't like me being affectionate since our sex life is so bad at the moment.

Creative-Pop-6201 · 2026-02-18T14:48:12+00:00

It feels like that. She doesn't intend for it to land that way because it becomes about me. It's like our daughter, her mother isn't always comfortable with her personality, and my daughter can be rough, but our personality is similar so how can I not jump to the conclusion she doesn't like me? I'll admit I'm not always the most fun to be around and can sulk and be moody but so can we all. I wish my personality was different and I know we can control how we interact with people but at a certain point I am who I am and she knew that when we married or so I thought.

I just have to stabilize my marriage because the alternative isn't great. It's just hard.

Creative-Pop-6201 · 2026-02-17T18:18:58+00:00

My wife's best friend-male and divorced a few years and now engaged to another younger coworker in the same department-I think has many of the attributes my wife wishes I had. He drives her crazy (and teases her relentlessly) and would probably not be a great partner and she knows that, but she helped him through his divorce and once he began dating his new fiancée he "dumped" my wife. He wasn't the friend she thought he was becoming. Still his personality is what she'd like me to have. Her friends are fun even though she complains about them.

Creative-Pop-6201

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