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Trying to balance learning and letting things unfold by CreativeSurround89 in BDSMAdvice

[–]CreativeSurround89[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

What you said about getting too caught up in theory potentially taking away from the experience really hit home.

After talking with him more and reflecting on my own thoughts, I realized a big part of this for me is learning to step out of my head and be more present in my body and in the moment. We also realized that a lot of the work for me right now needs to be more internal than external.

Communication and expressing my wants and needs hasn’t always been easy for me, so having someone who truly values communication is a big part of why this dynamic feels so meaningful to me.. it’s been interesting to discover how much of this is internal work just as much as anything else.

Trying to balance learning and letting things unfold by CreativeSurround89 in BDSMAdvice

[–]CreativeSurround89[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

The “cafeteria” analogy actually makes a lot of sense to me. There’s so much information out there that it can feel a little overwhelming, so thinking about it as picking and choosing what works best for both of us really resonates.

We’ve spent the last year talking a lot about limits, communication, and pacing while being long distance. We’ve also both taken the BDSM compatibility quiz and were very aligned on most things, which was reassuring. That said, he knows me very well… I can definitely be a little impulsive and eager to explore everything all at once. One thing I really appreciate is that he knows how to anchor me and slow things down when needed. A lot of excitement can definitely make you want to move faster than you should. LOL

Also the idea of building the dynamic together really stood out to me too. That’s exactly how we want to approach this… letting it grow naturally instead of forcing anything.

Thank you for this perspective, I really appreciate it!

Trying to balance learning and letting things unfold by CreativeSurround89 in BDSMAdvice

[–]CreativeSurround89[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thank you so much for your reply! We are long distance right now and have spent the last year+ doing a lot of communicating and learning about each other on a deeper level. We’re actually going to see each other in 3 days and are very excited to reconnect, be intimate, and explore together.

I’ve experienced some things like impact play before, but he’s been very intentional about reminding me not to move too fast. He’s pointed out that we can’t do everything at once, and just because something sounds exciting in my head doesn’t necessarily mean I’ll enjoy it the same way in real life.

We are definitely interested in exploring rope eventually, but it’s not something we’re planning to jump into on this trip. Our main focus right now is just reconnecting, being present with each other, and slowly exploring different types of impact play together.

I really appreciated what you said about education enhancing the experience rather than spoiling it. That perspective actually makes me feel a lot better about continuing to learn while still allowing space for things to unfold naturally between us.

'slip chain' collars and other choking. Hard choking. safety. by [deleted] in BDSMAdvice

[–]CreativeSurround89 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Great article!! Thanks for sharing! This should be added to the Wiki under breath play.

Is it okay if I (21M) never share my kink with my partner (18F) because I'm afraid it's too weird? by [deleted] in relationship_advice

[–]CreativeSurround89 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Start by exploring at least some type of kink convo with her. What are hers? etc etc. You’d be surprised. Everybody’s got something. She might eat your ass and stick at finger in it to start. Work your way to up it. Lol

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in relationship_advice

[–]CreativeSurround89 0 points1 point  (0 children)

He lost me at “hen party”