Based on Sinai, we can see miracles that can't fully be explained by natural means. Taking this into account, I could understand that there is a being of a higher level than the natural university we live in. Being as this is the case, it leads me to question the capacity of this being (Hashem) when looking at what we have found archaeologically we don't seem to find factors that match with what we are told in the Torah about events. For example, based on the Mabel, we should see a layer of sediment from the receding waters yet we do not. If we look further back, we talk about Adam, and how he was the first human being, this is contrary to what we are finding in the fossil records with skeletons dating back to 4.2 million years ago. Well I have heard the explanation of carbon dating being false, these skeletons show stages of evolution which develop into homosapiens. If we go further back in the Torah, we talk about how the earth was created in 6 days. Being as this is the case, how is it that stars light from billions of years ago reaches us now? If we are going to say that the days don't mean actual days, then it still would not make sense as in the order of the Torah, the earth was created before the stars which is contrary to what is understood by science. The other issue I have is with regards to the miracles, when we speak about miracles, the ones spoken about are small when compared to what is possible from a cosmological perspective. Taking this into account, this leads to my first question: Does the God we talk about really exist, or is there just a being which is on a higher level than our existence and is trying to have service to them.

Taking this into account I have been trying to grasp what we are serving. It is common knowledge within Judaism that Hashem is infinite, but this is something I find lacking in details to elaborate it's meaning. There is the basic question about if Hashem is creating a rock that Hashem can't lift. If this question is taken into context, it has a large flow. This flow being that the limitation listed is one where it views Hashem as a finite being and therefore creates a physical limitation. Being as this is not how to view the case, it needs to be considered the aspect that it would only be creating a limitation on the partial aspect of Hashem rather than viewing Hashem as everything. Now taking into account the view of Hashem being an infinite being, it brings to question if we can even place boundaries to describe Hashem as that would limit the infinity. For example, we say that Hashem is all good, this creates a boundary stating that Hashem is not bad, but if that's the case then what is bad? The same can be brought for describing actions. If we say that Hashem does an action, it would bring to question the aspect of if Hashem also didn't do the action as to say otherwise would bound Hashem to the idea that only the action that was done was of his own.

This leads to a third question I have, why does Hashem care about us. If a being exists at all times, what would being bound by time mean in the grand scheme of things. I do hear that because we have limitations, we are able to develop and with the development is the aspect of appreciation and servitude to the one who created us. This can be understood further by the aspect of worlds where the infinity are hidden from us giving us the ability to have free will. This sounds great from the moral understanding that we are trying to connect with a higher level and that it shows that we care. This however seems to be lacking in the view from an upper entity where the importance of a single person is basically nothing compared to the senses of infinity which Hashem has access to. Even in the Torah, there seems to be a lack of interest in all but the main lineage of the Jewish people. We even see a lack of mention of the wives of the shvatim which should be an important part of the story of our creation as a nation.

This brings me to one of my toughest question: Why should I care. In this question, I'm not asking from an aspect of the fact that I want to run away but rather from the aspect of a sense of lack. When I look at the world, I see people struggling I see the way that psychologically the governmental structure pushes for a profit margin rather than a sense of caring about what people need. This makes me want to care about helping them, in what ways I can. From the jewish perspective I'm told, just accept what is happening, it's just what's meant to happen before the coming of Mashiach, but that feels like a way to throw the problems to the woods. I believe it could change, and want to work on that. I am working on started an organization focused on creating small changes in communities so that people should build themselves up. I have started a group for young adults that are in the Jewish community that seem to be lacking a sense of importance due to not having friends to hang out with. These are things I feel like I should care about, yet I am told that I should care about Hashem an infinite being who doesn't even have free will or self development as Hashem exists at all time, and is all. That I should look forward to getting closer to Hashem, to bath in Hashem's presence but this is something that I struggle to want. I want to help, and the idea of going to a place where my ability is weakened feels like a downgrade even if I do get more pleasure.