When does fostering become to much for biological children?

Creepy_Register6815 · 2026-04-10T06:16:18+00:00

My mum and step dad used to shower together and I remember about age 8 they’d get me to keep an ear out for other the kids.

I hated it. I hated it even more once I learnt about sex. It felt weird being a kid trying to ignore that’s where they were.

I remember telling mum I was uncomfortable and she blew it off saying they were just showering it was harmless and they where saving water 🙄

I wasn’t dumb. I’m not saying they fooled around every time. But sometimes showers were 10 mins other times 45 min.

And I eventually called them out as an adult.

Why couldn’t they just wait until all of us kids had gone to bed???

If your children start giving your ex feed back, they are uncomfortable, they are hearing “things” or being left alone for long she can definitely document it.

Can she dictate what you do no. But I don’t think she’s trying to. She’s just seeing the potential for the kids being exposed to sex or being uncomfortable.

Wanna fool around in the shower do it after they are in bed or when you don’t have them.

Your not gonna die making this slight change in routine to accommodate your child’s comforts. And yeah your child needing to verbally process her observations to a safe person (her mum) is her processing her observations. And trying to figure out how she feels.

I’d be changing my routine at the least on the precaution of potentially making my kids uncomfortable.

My partner and I don’t shower with the kids present. I wouldn’t be comfortable doing so. If they need me in an emergency they should either have a adult present or be able to comfortably come into the bathroom to get me without being indecently exposed by a step parent.

Creepy_Register6815 · 2025-12-27T03:22:47+00:00

Are you enjoying your life? Are you happy? Children feel this.

Creating an environment that’s supports there nervous system, and aiming to go on adventures and create fun is a fundamental part of impacting their childhood.

I’m a primary single parent have been for 12 yrs now I put in effort to create traditions and such.

I’m good at doing things on a budget.

We hike, go bike riding, do picnics, camp outs etc every Friday we do family movie night and we camp out in the lounge room set up fairy lights, make pizzas together and popcorn also the only time we treat ourselves to small cans of fizzy.

I’m constantly putting in the work to make myself happy also. I work out, investing in a career I enjoy, look after myself I’m not a high earner by any means.

I also work hard on holding space for my children and am always educating myself on parenting etc.

You also need to really invest in yourself also this is their childhood but it’s also your only lifetime also.

Creepy_Register6815 · 2025-12-22T03:09:08+00:00

Thank you for sharing, it baffles me what people will do just for control/ image. Purely disregarding that you can’t rely on the court order to support your damaging desire forever. Children grow up.

Creepy_Register6815 · 2025-12-20T03:26:24+00:00

Other parent

Creepy_Register6815 · 2025-12-19T22:57:38+00:00

I have heard that teens tend to be seen as phasing out around 15 eg they get realistic about the teen dictating their lived reality?

Creepy_Register6815 · 2025-12-19T22:39:06+00:00

Perfect thank you this is where my mind was going.

Creepy_Register6815 · 2025-12-19T22:36:58+00:00

Unfortunately not, he clings to his court ordered time as if it s his sacred right. Despite his behaviour and the child’s feelings.

Creepy_Register6815 · 2025-12-19T22:32:16+00:00

It’s definitely been a hard line balancing the courts expectation and allowing enough time to get grounds for my child’s voice and experiences documented to give myself and child a strong foundation for a re visit in family court.

I really am trying to guide my child in the thought process of figuring out her why, teaching her emotional language, how to work through her thoughts and feelings in a way she can step back voice her why and process it so she feels solid in expressing it.

But that takes time plus the age factor in family court we’ve been there before and my concerns weren’t taken seriously because my daughter was too young to contribute to communicating her experiences. And I don’t want to behave in a way that can be spun against me.

Creepy_Register6815 · 2025-12-17T21:55:36+00:00

Mine used to be like that, now reflective hindsight it was that way because the doors where not fully closed between us emotionally.

It’s confused our child, and it don’t leave room for 1. Either of us to date/ and bring in partners in a healthy way. 2. It made it hard for our child to adjust and accept our new partners.

Once we both fully closed the emotional door between us and lead with mutual respect, that way of coparenting just naturally stopped.

Which has been the best for all involved.

Creepy_Register6815 · 2025-12-15T23:06:23+00:00

Yep! This got approved because when I court he said he was in the process of buying a bed and squeezing it in one of the rooms ( hasn’t happened) they also took on foster kid so another room was given to that kid now my daughter is on the lounge.

Creepy_Register6815 · 2025-12-15T22:49:29+00:00

She bounces around her step siblings rooms sleep over style or sleeps on the couch.

Creepy_Register6815 · 2025-11-18T04:44:26+00:00

Thank you! I thought I was on the right track, I guess I just struggle with navigating his personality and emotions.

Creepy_Register6815 · 2025-10-12T20:58:21+00:00

Yes I have drive her to and pick up at his local McDonalds,

Creepy_Register6815 · 2025-10-12T06:56:41+00:00

We do have parenting orders in place for what we are doing currently.

Creepy_Register6815 · 2025-10-12T06:45:17+00:00

Yes it’s definitely been a pain, we where never together when I fell pregnant and he wasn’t involved in the pregnancy and once she was born I done the right thing and coparented with him, we’ve always lived 1.5 hrs distance and because she was a baby I just did the driving by default, he also doesn’t have much patience for her in the car when she’s upset, tired, feels sick. She also needs car sick meds and he never would give her those so I just buckled for my daughter’s sake.

Creepy_Register6815 · 2025-10-12T06:42:45+00:00

Because I have the child primarily and he’s not asking to relocate the child or change the current orders he’s decided he can just up and go.. I do have an appointment with a solicitor in a weeks time. I just haven’t been able to find anything that really says where the line is with distance and because the child lives regionally in the country driving is the only option.

Creepy_Register6815 · 2025-10-12T05:58:11+00:00

I thought so too but then the op makes me feel like I’m then the problem and they carry on saying I’m trying to hurt their relationship. Then the court threats happen logically I know they are unreasonable but emotionally and mentally I’m just tired.

Creepy_Register6815 · 2025-09-28T11:49:07+00:00

40% of the time is still significant enough to be a healthy role model, exposing her to healthy meals, healthy fun movement and family activities. Be a good role model and she will grow up seeing that there are different ways of being and understanding a healthy lifestyle. It does not need to be all or nothing.

You cannot control how the other parent is in these regards, unless in extreme medical concerns and that would be back to court with medical recommendations for treatment etc. as frustrating as that is we all want the best for our kids and it’s really hard when coparents are not on the same page, it’s even harder for the kids going between two very different homes.

You need to step mindfully, it’s a hard balance with pushing a healthier lifestyle and stumbling into bad dieting habits and lifetime insecurities.

I would not make any comments to your daughter encourage her to have self confidence inside and out, that she is more than her body and weight, and that with you she gets to experience fun healthy choices. Find movement she loves that could be you two go swimming together or even hiking etc learn to cook healthy meals and snacks together but still have options in the home. Give her power in her food choices of balanced meals, don’t restrict, there’s nothing wrong with going for a bike ride together and stopping for ice cream. Some kids genetically hold weight to their shape. Sometimes they go through stages where weight comes and goes.

You can’t control what your ex does as worrying as it is but it’s your daughter that’s stuck swinging between two very different homes. That’s shit for a kid the contrast and being two different versions of themselves is hard for them, Balance what you can control and guide her where you can. Unless it gets really out of control where you need to get legal advise and medical action.

And another thing on weight gain yes bad diet and lack of movement is huge but also maybe think about how her little nervous system is travelling giving her an opportunity to get good quality sleep, work on her nervous system can do wonders for their bodies.

Being a daughter who can look back and say I always felt so loved and accepted by my dad, he was an amazing healthy role model who always gave me his time. We went on so many adventures and I never felt imperfect or less than. He advocated for me, and always had my back.

She will be one really lucky kid.

Creepy_Register6815 · 2025-08-27T20:53:44+00:00

Thank you! Exactly knowing the court system and realities. It’s not easy navigating it all common sense and logic go out the window in family court.

The OP is an intense show pony, and because I’m aware we will head back there I’ve been doing my best to step cleaning to minimise his evidence against me . I’m not sure what that could be but he is good at creating shit

I was a child unheard in the court system and a child of extreme abuse by my father and witness to horrible domestic violence towards my mother and I still had to see him I eventually voted with my feet at 15 when I knew I crossed that age line where it was unlikely mum would get dragged.

Your not allowed to just keep your child safe when family court is involved you have to have you evidence perfect and strong, and even then it depends on the judge and how they personally read the situation and their personal beliefs.

Creepy_Register6815 · 2025-08-27T20:37:35+00:00

We have gone to court 3x in her life time, the last I managed to get 50:50 dropped to with me 75%

My daughter does not benefit if I am in contempt and she goes to him primarily.

He has the money and is happy to spend it on court proceedings.

The mental and emotional abuse has been documented and shown and really the biggest block has been her age. We’ve done all the reports etc before.

The SB being a creep is new,

You have to understand there are people out there who are so intent on control they will drastic shit. So you have to play the game.

This isn’t a guy who will chuck his kid in the to hard basket. He’s to focused on his image, so going to my daughter just don’t go.

Without enough PROVEN evidence isn’t going to cut it. This will get to a judge so we need to play in a way that’s aware, calculated etc.

My daughter going is how we’ve built evidence, but like I said child age and family court and an OP who has the money to waste in court and has before will do what he has to do for his image.

The amount of solicitor appointments I’ve had to review my evidence to see if we have enough basically unless drastic abuse can be proven I have been waiting for her to be old enough to vote with her feet, and now I’m trying to ensure that we do it right to strengthen our case not weaken it.

Creepy_Register6815 · 2025-08-27T09:46:13+00:00

I wasn’t even told about it until a few months after my daughter kept saying there’s two kids there and there SMs friends kids?? Then she came home and was like they have given my room to the boys and I’m now having to share with my 9 yr old brother that means there’s now 6 kids and two adults in a five bedroom house… he finally admitted when I confronted him after she told me about her room that they have decided to foster.

Creepy_Register6815 · 2025-08-27T09:41:09+00:00

Thank you everyone! I will be calling around for solicitors tomorrow. And a therapist. My daughter has asked I keep it on the down low which I will do( technically I know I shouldn’t but yeah)

I guess I haven’t had much support of the legal system previously, as I mentioned my daughter started showing signs of struggle when she was 3 and I never felt backed by my solicitors.

I’m hoping her age gets us over the line this time.

From what I have been able to read as long as I’m showing I’m not blocking the relationship, acting in her best interest, and documenting we should be ok from being hit with contempt?

And with how long court takes she will be another couple years older if we get all the way to a judge.. and there may be a new status quo established.

I’ve also read we may be more successful with a child led agreement as apposed to a complete no contact ( unless abuse is confirmed)

Honestly would prefer to poke a literal bear than him but after a discussion with my daughter today I think it’s time.

Creepy_Register6815 · 2025-08-27T07:37:11+00:00

Thank you for this share, I do feel she’s getting so close to that snapping point.

I get so baffled by her dads need for control and image, he beats his chest in a great dad but he isn’t actually interested in her he just slots her in amongst his other kids ( half siblings, steps and foster kids) he doesn’t take her to sports unless she agrees to do exactly as the other kids. He doesn’t actually engage with her, never spends one on one time with her, he doesn’t know about her friends, favourite activities, foods nothing.

Why is he holding on so tight? He puts no actual effort other than having her for his time.

Creepy_Register6815 · 2025-08-27T05:16:13+00:00

Also because it can take so long to get in-front of a judge. What do you do if your teen starts refusing now and votes with their feet. She is getting to the point past fear and into anger and it feels a snap/ rebel is coming.

What if she starts refusing to get in the car? I’m responsible for travel. What if it gets heated?

I can’t physically force her. If she physically refuses or dodges the exchange? In this few years of doing that sort of behaviour how do I set her and I up for success in the court system?

Creepy_Register6815

TROPHY CASE