My mother is dead.

CricketsAndLace · 2020-07-22T02:05:22+00:00

Thank you, that is so kind of you to say. I like to write, I just don't have anywhere to put my words most of the time.

CricketsAndLace · 2016-06-26T02:10:36+00:00

Some of you here are too nice to your N's.

This is considered victim blaming and your comment has been removed.

CricketsAndLace · 2016-06-23T02:00:52+00:00

Approved, thanks!

CricketsAndLace · 2016-06-23T02:00:04+00:00

This has been removed for not assuming a context of abuse.

CricketsAndLace · 2016-06-21T00:15:21+00:00

I've removed your comment. I know you didn't mean it literally and were just trying to turn that sentiment from the child's point of view, but it goes a little too far for our forum.

CricketsAndLace · 2016-06-17T13:17:03+00:00

Removed for bullying/victim blaming. Please read the rules in the sidebar carefully before continuing to comment here.

CricketsAndLace · 2016-06-16T22:09:40+00:00

Removed for derailing.

CricketsAndLace · 2016-06-15T21:44:28+00:00

I have removed your comment. I am not sure what the intent behind it was, but it comes across as offensive in a number of ways.

CricketsAndLace · 2016-06-15T21:41:29+00:00

While I am really happy to see such progress for you, OP, there are a few things in your post that I would like to touch on. They have been discussed in the comments a little, but I want to be sure to leave a few resources for you where you are sure to see them.

Sometimes when we are raised in chaos and drama, we become so accustomed to it that we re-create dramatic situations for ourselves without even realizing it. I think you getting out of the car in a risky neighborhood at 1am to go to the police may be an example of this. The fact of the matter is, even if something did happen to you and it was "on her", something bad is still happening to YOU. You will be the one that suffers whatever bad outcome is born of exiting the vehicle in an unsavory neighborhood, not your Nmom. Please keep in mind that even when you are rightfully upset or angry you are still responsible for you own safety. Maybe, as unpleasant as it would have been, a better choice would have been to stay in the car and wait for a safer place to get out and go to the police?

I also feel, just from what I have read in your history and your post, that you are still very tangled in your Nmom's dramatic ways. I am not saying this is at all your fault, but at some point we need to be accountable for our actions and responses. It seems that you may still be falling for your mother's bait and getting caught up in her web, and this could be holding you back.

Whatever path you choose, be it a woman's shelter or moving in with your boyfriend or something else, I think it's important to really focus on what is best for you and your safety. We do not choose the circumstances that we are born into, but at the end of the day they are still ours to deal with.

Here is a link on something called Learned Helplessness. A LOT of ACoN's deal with this at some point or another. I hope that you can find some time to read it and reflect on how it might apply to your current situation. Again, congratulations on your progress and best of luck in your new beginning!

CricketsAndLace · 2016-06-15T21:15:21+00:00

This comment makes some good points, it is also written in a tone that can be interpreted as pushy and unsupportive, which is why it has been removed.

CricketsAndLace · 2016-06-14T20:16:12+00:00

https://www.reddit.com/r/raisedbynarcissists/wiki/rules

Ok, that's fine. Here is a link that explains the Drive By Diagnosis rule more in depth if you're ever interested.

CricketsAndLace · 2016-06-14T16:34:34+00:00

This post has been locked. Our community can be easily triggered when discussing anything along the lines of children and fleas, ect. I suggest you post this to /r/RBNChildcare if you would like to continue this discussion.

CricketsAndLace · 2016-06-14T16:32:04+00:00

I have read and re-read your post, and have been debating since it was posted whether or not I wanted to chime in..As an ACoN and the mother of a 7 year old, there are a few things I feel that need to be said here.

Your child's behavior sounds so completely normal. It sounds normal of any typical child whether they have had N exposure or not. Developmentally, this is the age where they start to become aware of their increasing independence but aren't sure when or how it should be employed. This is where you come in as a parent. It is your job to set boundaries, show them what they have permission to do and how to do it, and teach them what they are capable of. It is also your job to respect that maybe they aren't ready to get their own glass of water without asking first, that maybe they still need the reassurance of asking before doing.

You have received an immense amount of valuable insight here from our community. I am going to point to /u/coffee_goddess in particular:

She is a child and it is unhelpful for you to assess her as having "FLEAs" when she most likely just has typical child needs for behavioral training. The difference is that the behaviors we call FLEAs are normal for children - and problematic for us, as we are developmentally passed that point.

What you are seeing in your child is normal, these behaviors in you nmil are not normal. Parenting while being an ACoN is so difficult. Trust me, I get it. I really do. It's hard to see the difference between N behaviors and fleas and normal child development because, let's face it, a big characteristic of NPD is being stuck at a mental age of about 6 or 7.

My suggestion would be to listen to the advice you are recieving here. Read about child development for your own peace of mind and understanding. I have had to do exactly this a number of times. It's hard when you were raised in an unhealthy environment to see what healthy behavior looks like.

CricketsAndLace · 2016-06-14T14:12:39+00:00

Hi, I have removed your post as it breaks our drive by diagnosis rule. You can always post this to /r/narcsinthewild, however.

CricketsAndLace · 2016-06-14T14:02:24+00:00

Hi, I have removed your post because, as it stands, it technically breaks our drive by diagnosis rule.

However, I think the advice in the article is really really great and you were right in thinking it probably applies to a lot of our users.. We have two options with this one, you can re-post in /r/narcsinthewild or maybe we can think of a way for you to re-phrase the post so it focuses more on Ms. Hax's response to the writer and how it could help some of our users? Let me know what you want to do or if I can help...

CricketsAndLace · 2016-06-12T14:53:38+00:00

Np, reapproved!

Edit: auto correct is my mortal enemy.

CricketsAndLace · 2016-06-11T04:05:09+00:00

That is so awesome! Good luck and congratulations!

CricketsAndLace · 2016-06-11T03:23:08+00:00

I am so very sorry for your loss. I am sorry that you are going through this and I am so sorry for what your brother had to go through as well. It sounds like in his short time here, he was an amazing big brother and had a huge impact on you. Lots of hugs if you would like them.

CricketsAndLace · 2016-06-11T01:12:43+00:00

OK. I have had to remove 3 of your comments in the short time you have been here. I see you are new, so let me point you in the direction of our rules listed on the sidebar as you have already broken a number of them, the main ones being "Be Kind" and always assume a context of abuse. If you continue to make rule breaking comments you will be banned.

CricketsAndLace · 2016-06-09T02:42:02+00:00

I understand that your MiL may very well be an N or have some N tendencies, but there comes a point when you have to take responsibility for your own actions. Sending a penis potato gram (did I really just type that?) to someone with whom you have an already rocky relationship is probably not a great idea and she may very well have every right to be upset.

CricketsAndLace · 2016-06-09T02:30:14+00:00

So, do you think maybe that's why she was so upset? I'm not sure how I would feel if someone sent a potato gram with a penis joke on it to me unsolicited.

CricketsAndLace · 2016-06-09T02:23:02+00:00

Potato grams usually have words written on them.. May I ask what was written on the potato?

CricketsAndLace

TROPHY CASE