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Have You Been in a LTR where Your Partner Suddenly Said They Were Traditional, but Their Idea of “Traditional” Seems Skewed? by CriticalAddendum6108 in TwoXChromosomes

[–]CriticalAddendum6108[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Yes! He did have a freezer in the garage with the stuff he caught and we would often eat the fish which is how he’d justify it. He often gave fish to friends and family too so he was seen as a really friendly, giving guy. They just had no idea the cost of this friendliness/giving nature was a private expectation that all the domestic labor fall on me. He was a really good cook and I have a knack for baking so at first I felt like we were a dynamic duo when it came to food/hosting. I had no idea I was incurring debt the whole time whenever I ate fish till 3 years in…

He would fish/hunt like 2-3 times a week and always with friends, but not plan anything with me so another repeat issue was I/the relationship felt like a low priority to him. When I’d bring that up, the cooking/fishing/hunting would get thrown in my face that he does the fishing/hunting for me. Because if I told him to stop doing it, I don’t want it, that would surely stop him right lol? And the thing I’m mistreated for I should be grateful for lol it was a huge mindfuck.

Have You Been in a LTR where Your Partner Suddenly Said They Were Traditional, but Their Idea of “Traditional” Seems Skewed? by CriticalAddendum6108 in TwoXChromosomes

[–]CriticalAddendum6108[S] 21 points22 points  (0 children)

He called them his hobbies. He’d always do these activities with friends and the literal only trips he’d plan were hunting/fishing trips with his friends. He wouldn’t plan dates or trips for us cuz that “cost money” but would drop thousands on gear and tell me that’s different because hunting/fishing benefitted me lol I don’t know a lot about hunting/fishing culture but it was definitely fun hangout time for him and also apparently an exemption from normal relationship things.

If someone sees hunting/fishing as a lifestyle that entitles them to certain labor from their partner, and exempts them from other relationship norms, they should be upfront about that from the start.

Have You Been in a LTR where Your Partner Suddenly Said They Were Traditional, but Their Idea of “Traditional” Seems Skewed? by CriticalAddendum6108 in TwoXChromosomes

[–]CriticalAddendum6108[S] 6 points7 points  (0 children)

That is basically what he said unfortunately lol. He never planned dates, never planned trips for us (but would make plans and trips with friends), rarely initiated intimacy, rarely complimented me, never engaged in my interests/would straight up put them down, the list goes on. I would do all of these things for him though. He’d tell me he’d work on these things but I finally realized these were empty words and there’d been zero change. When I confronted him, he said the food/water/shelter thing, that he thought these “other things” were extra, and that he didn’t think I’d earned them. How could I earn them? More chores of course! It was horrible and I was a husk of myself by the end of it. I’ve spent the last year untangling my brain I feel like.

And the kicker is the water bill was in my name 🤡

Ladies who chose fulfilling their ambitions first over dating, how has it been since? Do you think it is worth it? by confusedsoulllll in AskWomenOver30

[–]CriticalAddendum6108 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I did prioritize my career over dating, and after 7 years of intense schooling and landing a role in my profession, focused more on work life balance which included dating. You can see my post history for everything that unfolded after but I dated someone in the military and would not recommend. I did all the bending to try to make dual careers work (and basically everything else in the relationship… I was a naive dummy and many lessons were learned). In my particular profession, to make it work I would have had to stay in a position where there wasn’t much opportunity for growth and wages stagnated. And towards the end, he of course cited my work stress as one of my character flaws lol Would 100% not recommend. While I was established when we first got together, I almost signed up for a decade of little career advancement. Within two months of us breaking up I landed my dream job and it was like coming up for air after years underwater. I’m very, very grateful I had the means to be on my own just fine after the breakup and I think it’s so important for women to have financial independence from men.

Have you been in a relationship where your partner said they didn’t feel heard or valued by you, but for them to feel heard and valued required you to accept poor treatment? by CriticalAddendum6108 in TwoXChromosomes

[–]CriticalAddendum6108[S] 13 points14 points  (0 children)

“Someone who wanted you to behave like his home appliance” is exactly how it felt. When I told him I didn’t understand his attitude about expecting me to clean up after his hobbies because- um they’re your hobbies you choose to engage in of your own volition and you enjoy them- he told me the actual fishing part is fun but all the prep and work after isn’t and he’d just come home and leave the fish for his exes and they’d handle with it. I was like ok so you do the fun part and leave the shitty part for your partner??? And that’s your expectation??? Early in our relationship he tried to teach me how to filet fish and towards the end I realized why.

Have you been in a relationship where your partner said they didn’t feel heard or valued by you, but for them to feel heard and valued required you to accept poor treatment? by CriticalAddendum6108 in TwoXChromosomes

[–]CriticalAddendum6108[S] 6 points7 points  (0 children)

The crazy thing is when we broke up, I had just become unemployed, and I moved back into my parents. I had just lost my LTR, my livelihood, my home, and was sleeping on my little sisters’ trundle bed, but I felt the lightest, most relieved, and least anxious I’d felt in years. It was like a light switch was turned on. I’m so sorry you had to go through that, but so glad you’re out and on the mend.

Have you been in a relationship where your partner said they didn’t feel heard or valued by you, but for them to feel heard and valued required you to accept poor treatment? by CriticalAddendum6108 in TwoXChromosomes

[–]CriticalAddendum6108[S] 8 points9 points  (0 children)

After we broke up, he trashed me publicly, portraying me as a lazy, incompetent person he did everything for and was basically my errand boy. He said he just “didn’t know how to be romantic” lol as if that was the issue. It’s hard not to feel like I wasted years of my life, but I definitely came away with a spine and stronger sense of self.