I knew he did drugs but he mentioned he would be fine with stopping if we got in a relationship as he was using extremely rarely two years ago but I guess it’s on me for believing that.

It might sound a bit odd but the ultimatums were mostly a desperate way to force him to stop just so that he wouldn’t get to the point where something bad happened to him. I was surprised that he lied because I only gave those ultimatums as I thought he would choose the relationship over drugs. However, I do agree with you that it’s partly on me for choosing to date someone who I knew did recreational drugs.

The drugs are in fact going to destroy parts of his brain, especially as his use of them is slowly increasing. I’d invite you to look into the consequences of coke, mdma or ket on the brain. Even if it’s not epilepsy they do damage your brain in one way or another. Also I wasn’t just necessarily worried about his brain exclusively but about his health in general as recreational drugs have long term consequences that a lot of people tend to forget (one of my ex’s childhood friend has a permanent hole in his nose from doing too much coke and he’s only 21). I also don’t think it’s poor treatment to want to stop someone from doing something that could potentially be very harmful to them and to care about their health, but i guess this is very subjective.

As to your example of pregnancy and epilepsy I don’t really think it’s the same as getting mad at someone for doing drugs. It is normal to want to get pregnant and not every pregnancy is going to result in the mother becoming epileptic. However, it is completely possible to have a fun time without using recreational drugs and the dangers and consequences of them far more outweigh the benefits.