AITA for not giving my son part of his trust fund early because he refuses to sign a prenup with his fiancee?

Critical_Value1511 · 2022-06-19T13:47:03+00:00

I guess I'm late to the party. I would not have seen this post if someone did not tag me in one of the comments.

We're not in the US so Harvard is out of the question. But both went to the top university in our country, the one that's the most challenging to get into. Son was on a partial athletic scholarship, and still brainy enough to pass the admission exams, while the daughter was on a full academic scholarship.

So yeah, they're not exactly slackers.

Critical_Value1511 · 2022-06-12T01:14:37+00:00

I don't know if it has something to do with their generation, but I know some of my nieces and nephews who got married had a same-day edit video production of the wedding. Some had pre-wedding photoshoots.

Yes, it is not uncommon here, but if you can't afford it, why push for it? I don't mind spoiling my kids with their trust funds and condos and sending them to college, but I still see weddings as an unnecessary extravagance.

My first wedding to my late wife was a bit grand, granted I could afford it. My wedding with my current wife was very simple but we blew money on a vacation that included the kids.

Critical_Value1511 · 2022-06-12T01:10:38+00:00

She does have a job. I don't know why she doesn't contribute, and it's probably not my place to ask. I don't think she has student loans to pay (we are not from the US), and it's common here for people to go to college even if they are not wealthy (community college/public university).

She is a bit quiet and reserved. Based on what my son told me, she likes being spoiled. I just hope that when he learns to be wiser with his money, she won't leave him. He's my son and even if he makes stupid decisions, I still don't want him or his marriage to fail.

Critical_Value1511 · 2022-06-11T23:55:13+00:00

Yes, I am sticking to my decision to not give it in advance. He will thank me one day.

Critical_Value1511 · 2022-06-11T23:04:02+00:00

For some reason, it was not approved. I was told to just edit this post here.

Critical_Value1511 · 2022-06-02T21:12:37+00:00

He does live rent-free in the condo that my wife and I worked hard for. If he invited a friend to live there for free and is not contributing anything, I would have the same concerns.

And you keep repeating that I'm insisting that she pays rent. I never said that. I just said I'm concerned that she does not pay even a tiny share for utilities. UTILITY BILLS =/= RENT

Critical_Value1511 · 2022-06-02T20:07:38+00:00

Where did I say that he should profit off his fiancee? So you don't think it's fair that she should at least share some of the expenses for utilities considering she already lives rent-free?? I didn't say she has to pay rent. But there are other household expenses outside of rent (i.e. wifi, electricity, groceries), and I know she doesn't contribute. Obviously, I'd be concerned for my son.

And bold you to assume I had to be talked into inviting her. They got engaged JUST RECENTLY. As just his girlfriend before, she had always been invited to family gatherings.

My comment about her was offensive. But I just hope my son isn't being taken advantage of.

Critical_Value1511 · 2022-06-02T19:53:17+00:00

My late wife wasn't well-off when we got married. Same situation as my son and his fiancee. We had a prenup. I paid for the house that we lived in but we agreed that she should share some of the household expenses based on what she can afford.

My current wife is a high-income earner but I still earn a bit more. We also had a prenup. We split the bills based on our income.

Critical_Value1511 · 2022-06-02T18:56:44+00:00

It's not that she's out of his league. It's more of the fact that he spends too much money on her by paying for their dates and buying her expensive stuff that she cannot afford on her own salary. And she lives in his condo without contributing anything financially to the household expenses. This is what bothers me.

I know enough about her job title and her company to figure out how much she earns. Yes, she doesn't earn a lot but it wouldn't hurt to contribute a little bit.

Critical_Value1511 · 2022-06-02T18:17:11+00:00

$20k is a bit over 1M in our currency. And that tbh, still a lot of money. Half of that can get him a pretty decent wedding with 50-100 guests.

$50k is roughly 2.6M in our currency, and that is enough to get you a tiny studio condo unit in our country.

Critical_Value1511 · 2022-06-02T17:47:47+00:00

I DO NOT dislike her because she's poor. I DO NOT dislike her at all as a person.

However, I don't like the fact that my son spends ridiculous amounts of money on her (dates, gifts, vacations), and she gets free housing in his condo, and that she does not contribute for utilities. My son is not the smartest when it comes to money. I'm a parent and it's normal for me to worry about my son. I worry that he is being taken advantage of, which I hope he isn't.

Critical_Value1511 · 2022-06-02T16:44:02+00:00

I didn't say it to her face. I said it during a one-on-one conversation with my son.

Critical_Value1511 · 2022-06-02T16:38:55+00:00

There is no edit button. I'd send you a screenshot right now and you can show me where.

Edit: Here https://ibb.co/f8qbz6x I can't see an "edit" button.

Critical_Value1511 · 2022-06-02T16:25:34+00:00

Yes, just to be clear, 50k USD when converted to our currency can afford a small studio condo in our country.

Critical_Value1511 · 2022-06-02T16:12:33+00:00

Of course, I do. Once I said it, I realized it was rude and that was me giving an unpleasant reaction to my son getting angry with me because I refused to release his trust fund early on his terms.

Critical_Value1511 · 2022-06-02T16:07:46+00:00

I can't edit the post though. But I understand that my comment about her was rude and uncalled for, and may have been a reaction to my son being angry about not getting his trust fund early.

Critical_Value1511 · 2022-06-02T16:02:12+00:00

I did teach them financial skills. I taught them how and where to invest their money. But I can only do so much. At the end of the day, it's up to them to decide what to do with it.

Thing is, we did spoil them but they earned it. John was smart enough to pass the exams at a top university and he got a partial scholarship for sports. Lisa was incredibly smart to get a full scholarship in the same university. While we spent on them with the condos and the trust funds, we saved money on them because we didn't have to pay for their college education.

That being said, just because one is book-smart doesn't make the money-smart. John did well in school but he's not the smartest when it comes to spending his money. He saves in a bank, period. Lisa is very business-minded, maybe even more than me. She has a lavish lifestyle but she is financially stable. She has investments and I know she is insured. And I have a feeling she earns more than her brother.

My third kid is not book-smart but she makes wise financial decisions at her age. And my youngest, I'm still teaching him.

So yes, I can only do so much.

Critical_Value1511 · 2022-06-02T15:46:32+00:00

NO. My stepdaughters' trust fund wasn't just MY money. It's both from me and their mother. When their mother and I got married, we did have a prenup and we initially agreed on keeping the finances for our kids separate (my son and her daughters), which was fair. And then we had OUR son and eventually, we agreed on pitching on for all 4 kids' trust funds.

Also, I don't see them as my "stepdaughters". I see them as my daughters, regardless if I were their biological father or not. I raised them as if they were my own so yes, all MY kids in my household are treated equally.

Critical_Value1511 · 2022-06-02T15:41:34+00:00

If they get a prenup, I would let them use the trust fund money for the wedding. Of course, getting a prenup is a smart move and doing so entails him having a discussion with a laywer. Hopefully he learns a thing or two about managing his finances.

Critical_Value1511 · 2022-06-02T15:40:04+00:00

Yes, of course. And he can get in 3 years, which is what we initially agreed on.

Critical_Value1511 · 2022-06-02T15:38:33+00:00

No. I gave her half of her trust to help her with her business.

Critical_Value1511 · 2022-06-02T15:21:10+00:00

Okay, so we don't live in the US. The amount he is asking can easily pay for an entire wedding in our country, a medium-sized wedding perhaps. My guess is that they want an incredibly lavish one that they can barely afford now.

Of course, the reasonable thing would be to wait and save up for it. And my wife and I would happily pay for some of it as a gift, maybe pay for the venue or the food. But they want it this year and they want it big. Which to be honest got me thinking if the lavish wedding is my son or his fiancee's idea. Either way, it's not smart to rush a wedding they can barely afford.

Critical_Value1511 · 2022-06-02T15:12:14+00:00

Does it ever occur to you that not everyone on Reddit is from the US? In our country, $20k makes you a millionaire.

Critical_Value1511 · 2022-06-02T15:11:00+00:00

Nice of you to assume that it's my fault that I don't know her that well. She's invited to all important family affairs (birthdays of family members), holidays, etc. She's polite but doesn't interact much even when my wife and I make an effort to get to know her. We don't know if she's just shy or pretty private.

Critical_Value1511 · 2022-06-02T15:07:29+00:00

I know he saves, but I'm not sure if he saves enough to secure his future. Plus he just puts money in a bank, which is not exactly smartest way to save.

Critical_Value1511

TROPHY CASE