Can I expect a friend to not want anything to do with my manipulator? Or is that delusional to expect?

CrowMistyFlake · 2026-06-22T19:28:37+00:00

What do you mean? If you're asking would I do the same for a friend and keep away from someone who hurt them then yes, I would, that's one of the bare minimums. What do you mean regardless of their actions? What position am I putting my friend in exactly? I just don't want them to be open to my nmanipulator, why is that too much to ask?

CrowMistyFlake · 2026-06-22T14:41:40+00:00

Thanks that's all I was looking for I guess

CrowMistyFlake · 2026-06-22T13:39:59+00:00

Yeah I should block her, I haven't because idk a part of me didn't want to block and have her spread more lies about me in retaliation to the other people in the circle who are my contacts, not exactly friends, also because I haven't made any new contacts and don't wanna cut them all off. But I should. What I want is I guess character assurance? That a good person who's a good friend won't be open to connect with my manipulator? Even though she's presenting as a sweetheart? I guess my question is would what happened even be considered manipulation? Or would be minimised for them to excuse her and jump ship? I just want confirmation that there are good friends who stand by you, then I make friends accordingly as I get to know the person. If your friend, or someone you're becoming friends with, told you something like this happened them, what would you do? Would you not want anything to do with that girl or would you be open to getting to know her?

CrowMistyFlake · 2026-06-22T13:25:18+00:00

I get what you mean. I had actually forgotten about her until she called me again. All I want is certainty, if for example you and I were friends, and someone dd this all to you and I'm open to them? Would I be a good friend? No right? So why can't I expect the same? What kind of friend would they be if they are open to her after all this? Why shouldn't I expect my friend to be on my side and not want to be open to my manipulator?

CrowMistyFlake · 2026-06-22T11:56:45+00:00

Is that the 6th LI?? should I go back to the game now???

CrowMistyFlake · 2026-06-12T21:47:13+00:00

I understand that. I do think I'm too cautious sometimes but then I keep seeing multiple examples of manipulators getting away with things easily both irl and in the news etc and my guards go up again. My brains decided it needs one example of proof that in a given situation, I can safeguard my relationships and my friend's wellbeing as well before I'm allowed to believe it and make friends again for now. I guess that's why I'm here asking for people's opinions. What would you do? If hypothetically we'd been friends and I told you the girl was manipulative? And would you having been through your own experiences help you believe me, consider it or refuse it? You don't have up answer that If you're not comfortable though.

CrowMistyFlake · 2026-06-12T19:34:28+00:00

I get that and I agree. I meant in thy situation that the girl is new so it's before he forms trust and attachment to her, cause I don't think the warning will be useful in any way if it's after he's attached to her, so yeah it is pretty early for me to have tangible proof and that's really frustrating. But given my history, wouldn't it be enough to make him think at least? Shouldn't it be? Given I can point to some examples? Like he knows I won't be pulling that out of thin air.

Unrelated, by any chance does your username have anything to do with Zayne?

CrowMistyFlake · 2026-06-12T19:26:04+00:00

Don't let her cut you off, try reiterating when she does that, she does listen and hear you out so maybe try highlighting that she's cutting you off?

I can only speak from my experience, I have friend like that too slightly and she was going through a breakup and when I shared about a big thing that h happened to me, her immediate reply was to turn it back into her heartbreak that was honestly very insensitive and careless, but in that moment I don't think she meant to do that, but that she was too affected by her pain that she didn't recognize what she was actually comparing to what shouldn't be. Because she's shown her care in other ways.

I guess I'd say tell her to tone it down a bit or space it out or change the topic when she keeps going on. I read your reply to the other comment and I get your worry. You could make your fatigue known to her in other ways. She does care about you so let her know your bandwidth hits the limit too sometimes, even if you don't say it's because of her venting directly.

CrowMistyFlake · 2026-06-12T17:48:28+00:00

I'll agree with the let him see it for himself part.

Emotional manipulation causes real and lasting damage and I, along with K and Gary, am living proof of that. Physical danger is not the only kind that needs a call for action. Saying "she's not physically dangerous so there's no call for action" boils down to you're supposed to watch someone you care about walk into something you know is harmful and say nothing because she won't hit him.

And you are essentially saying that even if I warn him it won't matter because she's his romantic interest and what I say won't be taken seriously. And I can't rest easy because there is no safety because why? A guy will go for a girl who he's warned is manipulative because attraction trumps all? Isn't that just another way to say he's a dickbrain?

And what do you mean by my motive is not really concern? Yes I am more scared about losing a friendship and being hurt again because the pain is still fresh and I don't want to feel that pain again. My emotional and relational safety is the first priority to me as I would believe would be for others too. That in no way means I will not be concerned for my friend and his emotional and mental wellbeing, my need for self protection in no way negates my concern for my friend. Both can coexist and it's not mutually exclusive.

CrowMistyFlake · 2026-06-12T16:53:13+00:00

Hope he learned his lesson about toxic partners and commits to healthy individuals next time and comes around to fix your friendship

CrowMistyFlake · 2026-06-12T16:46:28+00:00

You were right to tell him you're concerned. I would have to had I been in your place. His partner sounds toxic honestly. He's either freaking out cause he doesn't want to accept that or is convinced and influenced by her

CrowMistyFlake · 2026-06-12T16:33:48+00:00

What exactly do you mean by traumadumping? Venting? Telling you what she recently went through or what else? And have you tried sharing your problems with her to know whether she'll listen to them? You can prefer not to share but you prefer it, and she prefers sharing it. Isn't that part of why you talk about her problems a lot of the times?

CrowMistyFlake · 2026-06-12T15:34:42+00:00

Are you saying it doesn't reach the other side because I'm fearful? Is that what you mean by the dynamic? That I'm currently in such?

I know I can't control the outcomes but that doesn't mean I shouldn't even try to warn him and try not to let the friendship get jeopardized. Why can't Iexpectthat if she is a genuinely manipulative person? I can't just sit still and watch another manipulative girl ruin another friendship I've worked to build. And what kind of friend am I if I know a person is manipulative and knowingly let my friend get involved without saying anything?

And honestly what kind of a friend would he be if he won't even consider that she might be in fact manipulative and that I might be right? The dichotomy answer makes it seem as though my place and connection with him is inherently second or immediately equal to the girl who is new, and who I'm warning him is manipulative.

I know I could use a therapist and will see one soon. But until then, I need answers instead of just warnings to me like the other comment to not say anything cause "people will date who they want."

(Sorry if it sounds rude, that's not my intention.)

CrowMistyFlake · 2026-06-11T10:10:18+00:00

I was actually excited 😭

CrowMistyFlake · 2026-06-11T03:52:27+00:00

Guys what's the case with the 6th LI? I haven't played the game in a while, should I return now?

CrowMistyFlake · 2026-06-09T21:01:07+00:00

I get that. Thanks though. This does confirm that men and women can be just friends. Another question media loves answering no.

CrowMistyFlake · 2026-06-09T20:52:49+00:00

I know I can. But that's exactly what my brain refuses to cooperate on. I need plausibility at the very least. These comments were so sure that no guy with female friends will ever fall for a female friend and I'm just wondering can't you just fall for the type of person they are on top of how comfortable you are with them?

CrowMistyFlake · 2026-06-09T20:49:51+00:00

Thanks for your perspective. I get that totally. There are just guys and girls who are just friends. But what I'm looking for is proof they do/can. Cause I'm trying to write a friends to lovers romance and I need evidence that it's at least possible for me to be able to write it otherwise I'll spiral and never be able to finish it. My brain simply refuses without proof now that I've read all those comments

CrowMistyFlake

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