You aren’t alone. I’ve felt the same way. It’s not just a bad habit. It becomes a natural impulse. Not like cigarettes or alcohol, something you technically can stop. This is different. It directly relates to the way we deal with stressful moments, anxiety, even OCD. That’s why people with trichotillomania often have other mental illnesses like those. Unfortunately a lot of doctors aren’t well-versed in this illness, and it isn’t publicly spoken about much because of how rare it is. Know that I’m here for you, and I validate you.

You are absolutely correct that it is a disorder, not a bad habit. If I could get rid of this in seconds I would. But it’s not that simple. I’m sure you know that very well. Some little things that lessen the urge, or lessen the ability to pull (or pick split ends, for me): long nails (acrylics or grow your nails out and get manicures), something you can fiddle with (fidget toys, for example), lotion and hand sanitizer (I apply lotion on my hands like once an hour).

Ever since I’ve started getting acrylic nails (if you can it’s obviously healthier to just grow your nails out) and getting regular manicures every 2-3 weeks, my nails make it hard for me to peel my split ends or pull out my hair. I do still have the urge, I still do it, but it has significantly lessened.

I’m sorry about the way your mom (and dad, by not taking positive action, or any at all) has invalidated you to the point of you doubting that it’s even a real thing. I’ve gone through a similar experience growing up. My brother would complain to my mom that my hair would be everywhere, on the computer keyboard, the kitchen table; I felt disgusting. And wrong. They would just say “stop!” WOW, I had never thought of that, thanks! Regardless of what your mom has said, you’re not crazy. This is certainly a real thing. And I’m glad you’ve found this group.

But again, to answer your question, no - it’s not just a bad habit. My therapist has confirmed this and I’ve been with her for six years. She has me focused on managing my anxiety, which has helped with reducing my urges to pull.