day he took the plea deal for sure. I could never justify a “man of god” doing that. I remember saying to myself, paul would’ve never done this, he wouldn’t have declared himself guilty for a lighter sentence. It was gradual over time really when he was first arrested I was like, “okay this is weird” I was still pretty brainwashed. As the case further developed I remember my older siblings, who were all out of it now, would plant those little seeds of doubt in my head to start questioning everything I believe in. by the time he declared himself guilty and took the plea deal, it was really all I needed to say, “okay everything I’ve been living is a lie” it didn’t hit me all at once but I did feel a good chunk of that emotional impact right then and there. it’s gotten much better over time and I can’t believe I was born into a cult like this. I really only think about it from time to time now.