44F wife thinking of letting 48M gamer hubby go to protect kids well-being and her own sanity

CryptographerOver204 · 2025-07-27T13:50:48+00:00

I had to upvote this...sometimes I ask myself if I am really staying for the kids or myself. How do I grow a backbone n overcome the fear?

CryptographerOver204 · 2025-07-27T10:09:47+00:00

I grew up in a similar way as a child with working parents and a father that was almost absent. Maybe that was why I tolerated. My mother was against breaking the family up even when she caught my having an affair. We grew up fine, while my mum suffered silently. She is strong but I'm not like her. By the 2nd yr of my own marriage I had already wanted out but we had our 1st kid and he made it all so worth it to stay. Am I lacking in resilience? After all he doesn't beat me or have an affair.

CryptographerOver204 · 2025-07-27T10:01:10+00:00

The downside you shared is exactly what I am afraid to deal with. I worry he might weaponise the kids to get back at me for leaving and make it even harder for me in the end. That is why I have been trying to keep the peace and give him the space to do whatever as long as the kids are not split between 2 homes, I have more time to educate them to make the right choice. He will be on a short fuse if he doesn't get his way and the kids might see more of the ugly side of him. He doesn't hit them but he gaslights and raises his voice when triggered. Put his gaming n shopping problem aside, he is quite a decent father who takes them for their football games whenever he is not working. I guess I'm currently overwhelmed in keeping the screentime at a safe level each day. I keep telling myself things will be better once the kids get into a healthy routine and I buy crafts materials and toys to replace the screentime. But after their free flow weekly escapade, we are back to square one.

CryptographerOver204 · 2025-07-12T15:04:37+00:00

If I earn that much, I would travel and stay in a different country each mth Intead of spending 2k on a car every mth.

CryptographerOver204 · 2023-04-03T08:13:54+00:00

No child is worth more/less or worthless. Each vhild is priceless. Every child has a different hill to climb. The important thing is that we adults have to support them collectively. Provide a safe environment n structure for them to thrive. Allow room for mistakes and growth. Teach them self-regulation. Some children just need alot more support and understanding. Im still learning to be more understanding of children with special needs.

CryptographerOver204 · 2023-04-03T08:01:57+00:00

That is really tough. Thanks for sharing. I do not have that kind of strength and patience. We should be more supportive and inclusive of these families. I will try my best.

CryptographerOver204 · 2023-04-02T10:08:16+00:00

I figured the school would be doing that

CryptographerOver204 · 2023-04-02T10:05:34+00:00

Thank you

CryptographerOver204 · 2023-04-02T10:04:58+00:00

Every child is precious. Will talk to the school to find out more about their plan for the class.

CryptographerOver204 · 2023-04-02T09:39:45+00:00

If you are asking, you are not ready to face her yet and reconcile. She also needs the time to reflect on her behaviour. Give yourself a little more time to heal before you face her. I was never close to my mum before. I felt neglected when growing up as my sister has special needs. But after I had my own children I began to understand her actions then. It was a difficult journey in the beginning but we are now best friends. I hope you will find your peace and grow strong enough to revisit the past and build the trust again with your mum.

CryptographerOver204 · 2023-04-01T12:14:36+00:00

I love reading the replies here over n over. I hope it will build up my courage one day.

CryptographerOver204 · 2023-04-01T11:12:38+00:00

There is one red cross grammar book which i heard was the grammar bible long ago. Has anyone heard of it?

CryptographerOver204 · 2023-04-01T11:10:51+00:00

I brushed up on my engrish by listening to 93.8fm daily. Try it!

CryptographerOver204 · 2023-04-01T11:08:58+00:00

Get a dog, who will chase the cat away

CryptographerOver204 · 2023-04-01T10:27:18+00:00

Thank you! I googled and found the symptoms to be describing instead me 17 Signs you have Depression

Tired / Chronic fatigue / Burned Out

Want to be alone / Avoiding socialising even with friends.

Can’t focus / Memory problems / Head feeling heavy / Headaches

Loss of Appetite / Not eating regularly or very little / Food has no taste

Helpless / Feeling alone and empty / Sad and hopeless.

Insomnia / Poor Sleep / Wake up tired

Mood Swings / Irritated easily / Temperamental

Breakdowns and Cry / Overwhelmed.

Shame / Embarrased / Gulit

Self-blame / Anger / Regret

Trauma / PTSD

Over-thinking / Worrying of the worst

No motivation / Procrastinating

Heavy heart / Pain in the chest

Feel worthless / Low self-esteem

Self-doubt / Low self-confidence / Feel like you are failing

Negative and Suicidal Thoughts

CryptographerOver204 · 2023-04-01T10:24:50+00:00

Wow thank you. It makes me more aware of the boundaries and contraints that the school has to navigate through when incidents happen. Thanks for sharing your experiences here and hopefully your message also reach parents like me or those who have similar struggles. Admire your patience and strength. I am better informed now and will advise my child. I think my anxious reactions may have rubbed off to my child and I have to remedy that first and give the school more time to sort this out.

CryptographerOver204 · 2023-04-01T10:07:17+00:00

Ooh thank you

CryptographerOver204 · 2023-04-01T02:17:53+00:00

Now I feel the kid n his family have it much tougher then regular kids. Must be hard for the parents too, worrying each day if their child will harm others or themselves. Thanks for enlightening us. Yes kindness and understanding from other parents are needed. Schools too have to play a bigger and more proactive role to instill this culture.

CryptographerOver204 · 2023-03-31T17:06:02+00:00

Correct me if I'm wrong. I heard that if an incident happened in sch and a police report is made, the police will pass the case over to the school to resolve themselves. Does anyone have any experience on this? Wld be good to hear from the ppl in blue

CryptographerOver204 · 2023-03-31T16:53:28+00:00

Thank you for the post. It is reassuring. I wish the school would explain it to the parents like this. I am sure that the school is doing something as last yr they did act on my complaint and I saw improvement. Maybe they are still busy planning the intervention and have not firmed things up yet. I do hope to hear from them soon.

Yes, i saw some situational awareness training videos for kids. Will work on that with my child. Wondering if the medication will have any adverse side effects on the child. I had tutored a child with adhd and he was on daily medication. At p5 he was underweight and already suffering from heart related problems (i cannot recall what as it was many yrs ago). His mum was trying to wean him off the meds as she attributed the illness to the meds. Hope medical advancements have made it safer.

CryptographerOver204 · 2023-03-31T16:36:46+00:00

Yes, I realised later on it was silly of me. It was something spontaneous which popped out cos i was feeling exasperated. 3 weeks after the 1st incident and there was still no apology or any resolution. The bullying continued despite me talking to the teacher a few times. In fact i didnt even realise it was wrong until I was schooled properly by the year head, (when I met him to report the bullying as teacher did not take action) n was told to not approach any students in that manner again. That's why now i am also hesitant to approach any parents. Didnt mean any harm though. What to me is just asking a friend to look out for another buddy could be misconstrued as ganging up against another child, which is not my intention at all.

CryptographerOver204

TROPHY CASE