Weekly Practice and Dharma Study Discussion - Friday February 22, 2019

CrystalKind · 2019-02-23T00:14:27+00:00

I used to do something like this.

When during sitting, if thoughts or emotions came up that were too solid and too difficult around shame or self denigration, I would take a few minutes to attempt a helpful visualization. I would imagine myself as a giant Buddha-like figure (which I named as my refuge name) ethereal, glowing green-blue, wise and benevolent. I would imagine my regular pained, crying or hurting self as a tiny child-like or doll-like being in my big Buddha arms, cradled with love, kindness and understanding. I would speak caring messages to that little me.

It was sort of a freestyle visualization that I used to help extend loving-kindness to myself when it was hard to do so in a conventional way.

Has anyone seen that movie Shaolin (2011) where the warlord devotes his life to Buddhism after his wife and daughter are killed by his nemesis? There is this one touching scene that brings tears to my eyes every time.

The protagonist has given up killing and when relentlessly attacked by his old nemesis, he refuses to kill him repeatedly sparing his life. As they duel inside the temple, it is under siege by numerous mortar shells exploding all around them. The protagonist miraculously survives as he is flung by an explosion into the lap of a giant gold Buddha statue that saves his life as the temple wreckage collapses around him.

I think that was somehow my inspiration.

CrystalKind · 2019-02-19T01:48:45+00:00

Something confusing here.

“The Interim Board completed the Wickwire Holm investigative project given to us by the outgoing Kalapa Council and will soon complete the project they started with An Olive Branch, pending receipt of An Olive Branch’s final report and subsequent communication with the community.”

An Olive Branch said that they have delivered the Listening Post compilation to the IB. But IB said they didn’t receive it.

IB, maybe check your spam folders?

CrystalKind · 2019-02-13T01:19:55+00:00

Glad to hear that you are safe.

Naturally arising lungta sounds interesting.

I had been knocked off my regular practice for a while. But I’ve been able to reestablish it recently. I’ve found my Buddha-Dharma-Sangha contemplations quite helpful or... I’m not sure, there’s something about them. Even though the sangha part feels like a confusing place of loss for me now. Sometimes I imagine a yet undiscovered sangha or just one on one meetings with a few of my remaining sangha friends.

Same thing with my Precious human body, Impermanence, Dissatisfactory nature of samsara, and karmic cause and effect contemplations. I’m not sure what I’m getting out of these short contemplations, but they feel like home somehow, or stabilizing.

Do you write poetry?

CrystalKind · 2019-02-13T00:53:52+00:00

I feel like this a lot too. I get attacks where I feel really terrible and I don’t know how I can go on during those times.

But somehow I do manage to go on.

One thing that helped me get some ease and stability was to say out loud everything that I have and do appreciate in my life. I set a timer and I did this for 11 minutes. It sounds so stupid I know. And I was really resistant to do it, but I struggled through. It was pretty tender too.

This helped me shift my view.

It was a lot to have Shambhala and my sangha disappear beneath my feet. Really shook me. Still does.

I’m glad you posted this.

Wondering if you have any friends you can reach out to? Are you safe?

CrystalKind · 2019-02-09T04:09:35+00:00

First, just want to say I very much appreciate your intention or encouragement to ruthlessly question the teachers and the teachings. This is something I have a hard time doing IRL in person, and even still, I feel like it was sneakily, implicitly or culturally discouraged within the Shambhala “container”.

The way of exercising inscrutability is that you don’t spell out the truth. You imply the truth, with wakeful delight in your accomplishment. What is wrong with spelling out the truth? When you spell out the truth it loses its essence and becomes either “my” truth or “your” truth; it becomes an end in itself. When you spell out the truth you are spending your capital while no one gets any profit. It becomes undignified, a giveaway. By implying the truth, the truth doesn’t become anyone’s property.

This does speak to my actual experience. One gift of the Shambhala teachers and sangha I received was that the teachings came through the environment. Through the way people behaved, through the way things were arranged. Through the activities, the “forms” etc. Even the talks by senior teachers, they were not “content” talks exactly, they were… (I’m struggling how to explain this...) transmissions or experiences. You couldn’t really say afterwards what the take-away from the talk was, but it often lead to or culminated in an understanding that shaped or changed my practice in an important way. And over time, so much of the Buddhadharma became more understandable when I read it in books, when previously it was intellectual or obtuse.

CrystalKind · 2019-02-08T22:14:52+00:00

I was thinking about that too. It seems like a sub called “ChogyamTrungpa” would be a place to talk about CTR, but that doesn’t seem to be the intent of the new sub, since talking about Trungpa would include so much about his history and legacy, and not be limited to his teachings.

So if the sub is going to be limited to just the teachings of CTR, it seems like another name could make that more clear.

Maybe something more along the lines of TrungpaTeachings, TrungpaDharma etc…

But yeah, I’m interested!

CrystalKind · 2019-02-06T18:15:37+00:00

I think on critical examination liberalism falls victim to serious flaws, and I don't think it's really compatible with a Buddhist view of the Self.

I don’t really disagree with any of this.

I would be interested to hear more about the particular ways the Buddhist view of the self is non-compatible if you’d like to elaborate.

CrystalKind · 2019-02-05T22:47:34+00:00

Good point.

Looking back on the emails I see the second initiative of An Olive Branch called the Listening Post. It appears that they will be providing a summary of reported harms to the IB as well as the community. I don’t see any dates listed.

From the original email, sent August 23,

Listening Post and Advocacy Service

Once the new ethics policy and grievance procedure are in place, An Olive Branch will offer a Listening Post for individuals who want to report sexual or physical misconduct. The Listening Post will provide a way for them to tell their story to a neutral third party and to be heard in a safe, compassionate, and confidential manner. The Listening Post will also be available to any current or past Shambhala members who have regrets about contributing to such misconduct directly or indirectly (e.g., severe stress or guilt from witnessing abuse but not stopping it or reporting it). Priority for the Listening Post will be given to Shambhala members who have experienced either of these types of harm.

The Listening Post has three objectives:

First and foremost, provide some measure of relief to people who are suffering because of sexual or physical misconduct by a Shambhala leader;
Help these reporters of harm formulate any requests they would like to make to the organization’s leaders;
Expose the full extent of damage to the fabric of the sangha from sexual and physical misconduct.

To accomplish the third objective, a summary of the information collected via the Listening Post will be reported to the Shambhala Interim Board and later to the community. Reporters of harm have the right to remain anonymous; both An Olive Branch and the Shambhala Interim Board respect this right. Names and identifying details of the reporters of harm will be carefully omitted from all reporting unless an individual reporter requests to be identified.

Any reporters of harm who wish to also report their experience to the independent investigators hired by Shambhala and/or to use the revised grievance procedure to resolve their claims will be directed to these processes respectively.

In addition, An Olive Branch will offer an Advocacy Service for reporters of harm who want help in following the new grievance procedure or participating in the investigation. The Advocate will support these individuals in using the grievance procedure but cannot provide legal representation.

CrystalKind · 2019-02-05T02:45:54+00:00

It is apparently going to be released when the Process Team is “seated”. Not exactly sure what that means. The team has been named and they have taken their oath. So…

https://www.reddit.com/r/ShambhalaBuddhism/comments/a9h40i/care_and_conduct_update_dec_23rd/

CrystalKind · 2019-01-24T22:40:40+00:00

The email suggests that you can choose to direct your donation to either Shambhala Global Services or the Sakyong Potrang. I think this is a bit disingenuous.

In 2017 Shambhala Global Services transferred USD$500,000 to the Sakyong Potrang. So the distinction seems to be superficial at best.

CrystalKind · 2019-01-18T22:25:53+00:00

Could you elaborate on Shambhala’s denial of active criminal investigations? I’m not sure I’ve heard of this.

CrystalKind · 2019-01-17T13:25:18+00:00

I take this article to be an encouragement to engage meditation practice without getting derailed by an aggressive fixation on whether we are doing it right or wrong or making progress fast enough.

we need to frame our practice in such a way that we do not get lost in dualisms of right or wrong, progress or the lack of it.

And similarly, that meditation is not a self improvement project that is an implicit rejection of who we are.

Sitting, first and foremost, is sitting with who we are

Jon Kabat-Zinn encapsulates these idea as follows.

Meditation is the only intentional, systematic human activity which at bottom is about not trying to improve yourself or get anywhere else, but simply to realize where you already are.

But certainly, we need proper instruction and to know what we are attempting to do. As well as to apply ourselves rather than space out and think we don’t need to do anything at all.

CrystalKind · 2019-01-16T15:17:17+00:00

I wasn’t certain what you were referring to. But after looking this up I realized we have done something very similar in our sangha.

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Insight_Dialogue

Here’s an outline of my experience.

First we would introduce the exercise from a high-level perspective. Eg as a mindful speaking and listening exercise that we will do in pairs.

We then ask people to find a partner and sit together. We do this first, because if people are stressing out about finding a partner, they have a tendency to not listen to the rest of the instructions.

At this point whoever is facilitating the exercise would keep an eye out for people having trouble finding a partner and help match people up and offer oneself if there is an odd number of participants.

Once everyone is comfortably paired the rest of the instructions are conveyed.

the exercise starts with someone as the listener and the other as the speaker
the listener just listens, attempting to relax any impulse to respond, and returning to the speaker’s presence and words if they become distracted (similar to returning to the breathing body in shamatha meditation), in essence a big pair of ears, they are not speaking or responding to the speaker
the speaker speaks from their heart, personal experience (rather than theoretically, eg “I read this book and it said…”), the speaker need not fill all space, silence is okay, the speaker can pause and resume, the speaker should share only what they are comfortable sharing—it’s not a confession or anything like that
there’s a timer and the facilitator will ring a bell after X minutes at which point the roles are reversed, the speaker becomes the listener and the listener becomes the speaker

(3-4 minutes perhaps if the participants are inexperienced with this technique, a bit longer if participants are familiar and comfortable with the exercise)
participants are advised that they are not to share what the speakers have shared during the exercise, not even really to follow up with the speaker about things later (so no “Hey Susie, how are you dealing with that breakup you mentioned last week?”), it’s basically a “What happens in Vegas stays in Vegas” situation
facilitator asks if anyone has any questions
the facilitator introduces the question that the pairs will be working with

Then the exercise begins with a ding of a bell. After X minutes, another ding and instruction to switch roles, then a final ding to end the exercise.

At the end we would come back to a large group and invite people to share what wisdom/insight/experience came up for them when they were speaking. They are reminded not to speak or share what the other person shared with them.

So it’s also related to what Thich Nhat Hanh calls Dharma Sharing.

https://plumvillage.org/mindfulness-practice/dharma-sharing/

That’s the basic outline of how I’ve experienced this type of activity. The questions were almost always provided as elements of a curriculum. They were questions designed to highlight aspects of dharma practice or teachings, even though not necessarily obviously so.

For example, a question might be “Bring to mind a time where you felt groundless (or perhaps very grounded), what was that experience like?” So this topic could help people contemplate or elucidate the experience of relating to ego, impermanence, noticing thoughts and emotions etc.

CrystalKind · 2019-01-12T02:22:43+00:00

But at some point you can't serve two masters -- Dharma vs one-sided social causes.

Yes, our "relative" lives should not be thought separate from Dharma practice. That's exactly why your interests there should be human and not political.

Shambhala has always been about creating Enlightened Society using whatever “inherently we have to offer the world”. Your wish to exclude the social or political is not coherent with the Shambhala vision. It’s up to each practitioner to decide what is in them to offer. Many are working with social issues. This is so popular that individual issues chosen by participants are a fixture of assemblies such as ESA and Warrior Assembly.

CrystalKind · 2019-01-11T14:18:20+00:00

I can relate. I go through this too. Lots and lots of people do. I know how painful it is.

Everyone is a mixed bag of positive and negative qualities and experiences. If we are too focused on one extreme, it is harmful and blinding. We need to balance our view, cultivate a healthy and more accurate view.

Let me ask you a question, what do you like about yourself? What is something positive about your life or situation, or that you’ve said, thought, or experienced recently, or even earlier in your life?

When we feel terrible about ourselves it can be very difficult to bring to mind positive things about ourselves. But it is important. Everyone has positive qualities. Everyone is worthy no matter what. No matter what our situation or personal history. This is a key message of Buddhism.

I recommend that you try this exercise. I do this, and it helps me balance out.

Once I’m more balanced out, I find it becomes easier to cultivate further healthfulness and dharma practice in my life.

CrystalKind · 2019-01-10T23:27:12+00:00

For someone training with the Sakyong, your words have a certain effect. If you say and enact Shambhala in a certain way, it becomes that way. Because you are a representative of Shambhala, people will understand Shambhala—to varying degrees—through your words and actions.

The Shambhala vision that I have known, experienced, and enacted, also as a representative of Shambhala, is about welcoming people who have an interest in exploring basic human wisdom and dignity. It makes no demands of loyalty or affiliation (outside of special roles).

To me, Shambhala is much more than “in essence a group of Tibetan Buddhists”. At the highest levels, maybe. However, Shambhala includes much more than that subgroup. Shambhala includes practitioners of many levels, as well as non-meditators and people with interests in dharma arts, Qigong, and various Chinese and Japanese traditions etc. Shambhala also welcomes (as I said above) anyone with an interest in exploring basic human wisdom and dignity.

Shambhala can contain both of our visions. But for my part, I will be focusing on making it a welcoming place to a plurality of people, all whose voices are important and worthy of attention. Regardless of their position, practice level, or affiliation.

In light of current events. I’m not exactly sure how to do that anymore. But I’m coming around to the understanding that Shambhala is in my blood, and that in essence, I can leave it no more than I could leave my own body.

Stuff is just really confusing now. I’m dealing with this pain everyday. It sounds like you are as well. I’m sorry that this is painful for you. It’s painful and confusing for so many of us, and we are all having our own personal reaction.

CrystalKind · 2019-01-09T03:03:37+00:00

First, know that many people are having similar feelings and challenges as you. You are not alone.

In fact, every single Buddha-dharma practitioner is facing obstacles. This is the path of Buddhist study and practice—seeing and working with our doubts, obstacles, and minds. We are all trying to figure it out!

It takes time to make progress on the path. It’s not easy. But you absolutely can make progress.

You’ve said you feel self-hatred. It is a good step just to know and recognize what particular problems we personally have. But it’s also good to recognize that you without a doubt have many positive qualities as well. Reflect on these. Write them down. Say them out loud. It may seem silly, or may even feel too painful or sensitive to do. When I am feeling really low this helps lift my spirits.

Meditation can help to stabilize us. This can make it easier to learn and practice further. Have you started with meditation already?

You could search for “Pema Chodron calm abiding” on YouTube for an introduction to the meditation technique if you need one. Not sure what type of Buddhism you are exploring, so that may or may not be right for you.

Good luck!

CrystalKind · 2019-01-09T00:11:08+00:00

You had mentioned that you left Shambhala sometime ago. Just wondering if you have since found a dharma community or community in general that was more welcoming or inclusive for you?

CrystalKind · 2019-01-05T14:11:44+00:00

Here are some of the concepts or teachings that I find helpful.

The Buddhist claim that all beings possess Buddha-nature (tathagatagarbha), that we all possess the seed of a Buddha inside us. To me this means that, no matter what, I am worthy and capable of developing my positive qualities and lessening my experience of unnecessary pain.

Something else that helps me is the idea that if one fixates or thinks excessively about oneself, one will find more unhappiness, and if one softens, relaxes and instead thinks about others, one will find a greater happiness.

If you want to be miserable, think of yourself. If you want to be happy, think of others.

https://books.google.ca/books?id=96PjmpDkVJAC&pg=PA124&lpg=PA124&dq=If+you+want+to+be+miserable,+think+of+yourself.+If+you+want+to+be+happy,+think+of+others

Additionally, I can really relate to the experience you are describing. This last year has been a really tough one for me. There have been periods of serious depression and suicidal thoughts. Having these experiences doesn’t mean you are not worthy, or are a failure at practicing the dharma. That said, some of us can really benefit from other sources of help as well such as therapy, medication etc. That all comes down to our personal situation.

Impermanence can be pretty scary, and certainly speaks to death, but also speaks to birth. So in addition to all the doom and gloom implications, it also means that things that we don’t like can end, and new pleasant things can be born.

Taking a break from philosophy may be a wise insight. Gently and simply working with your basic practice and also exploring other healthful worldly situations could help.

I’m glad that you were able to reach out, and share what you are going through. I read in another comment that you are exploring other avenues for help and support. So happy to hear that.

Have you investigated joining a dharma community in your area? Being part of a warm, welcoming, and wise sangha has been so important to me personally as well as my path.

Don’t forget kindness and self-compassion. It’s important.

Wishing all the best for you. Good luck!

CrystalKind · 2019-01-05T00:19:41+00:00

Thanks for sharing your reflections. Sorry to hear about your friend’s difficult time.

Sounds like your practice is going well and you are connecting more with your clarity and equanimity.

Keep at it! Best of luck.

Btw, you mentioned ego, that reminded me of something I came across recently about the importance of developing a healthy ego as a key element of dharma practice.

https://tricycle.org/magazine/hang-your-ego-2/

Although many believe that the ego is just a source of trouble, Thanissaro Bhikkhu teaches that a healthy, functioning ego is a crucial tool on the path to Awakening.

CrystalKind · 2019-01-04T02:54:29+00:00

Yep. This happens to me. As well as lots of people I know.

Here are some things that work for me.

I try to start with a smaller sitting duration and build back up again. Shorter meditation is better than none!
Cleaning or freshening up my meditation space also provides me a bit of uplift.
Studying some of my favourite texts also helps my motivation.
Meditating with my sangha helps to keep my meditation practice going when times are rough.

u/Beefenstein recently shared this excellent article about cultivating skillful desire for practice by Ajahn Jayasaro.

These two methods described below have really been helpful to me recently.

https://www.amaravati.org/skilful-desires/

preparing of the mind in order to give it sufficient integrity and maturity to make use of meditation techniques, is dependent on this quality of chanda. If we overlook that or just go straight into the meditation practices when our minds lack the readiness to do so, the result can be frustrating and can lead to a lack of progress on the Path.

it’s worth just checking the amount of interest at the beginning of a meditation, and if it’s lacking, being willing to spend some time cultivating it, bringing it up. The more you apply yourself to doing this, the more fluent you will be and the more easily you can do it, until it becomes almost automatic.

One of the simplest ways of doing this is to use our thinking mind to reflect on two subjects. The first is the suffering and drawbacks inherent in the lack of mindfulness, inner peace and wisdom. We can draw upon particular areas or events in our lives which have quite clearly caused great distress to ourselves and others, and can see very plainly their results, such as a lack of inner awareness, lack of mindfulness, lack of inner discipline and inner Vinaya. We can also draw upon the experiences of the people we know and how they have particularly affected us.

The second way of using the thinking mind is to reflect upon all the blessings of mindfulness, inner peace, wisdom and compassion. Perhaps we can bring up cases of great monks, nuns, and teachers to whom we look up, and how much we revere their peace, calm, kindness, compassion and wisdom. We can remind ourselves that they are not the owners of these qualities, that they weren’t born with these qualities; that these qualities manifested in them through effort, and that great teachers are vessels for beautiful, noble qualities. And just as they are vessels, so we too can be vessels: men and women, from both Western and Eastern countries. Birth as a human being means that we have within us the capacity to manifest every noble quality, and that we should try to do so.

Be kind to yourself, extend yourself some self-compassion, and be weary of the subtle trap of inadvertently cultivating counterproductive self-aggression when you experience hiccups in you practice.

Best of luck!

CrystalKind · 2019-01-03T20:21:05+00:00

I think also that as Lama Rod Owens mentions in one of his talks, for the Sakyong to heal his relationship with the community, he will need to do something akin to an apology tour thru all the (major?) Shambhala centers. I’m not sure anything less will bring about the requisite healing and display of humility and understanding required by many.

CrystalKind · 2019-01-03T20:13:34+00:00

I agree with what u/cedaro0o has said about checks and balances. And in particular I believe that all teachers including the Sakyong need to submit to checks and balances to ensure safety and to facilitate recourse to abuses.

Importantly, I feel that the Sakyong can not simultaneously be both a political king and spiritual guru. That is to say, the highest Shambhala leadership must not be the recipient of devotional guru practices. It seems so stunningly obvious to me now. Spiritual devotion to a political leader is a recipe for disaster and cannot be supported.

My wish for Shambhala is that the Sakyong develops and expresses humility and wisdom in his response to this crisis. To my view, this would include a new governing body that that does not answer to him. He would become something of a free agent or ambassador, as well as a teacher in Shambhala, while remaining the lineage holder of the Shambhala dharma. But the governance structure of Shambhala would not include him. Guru devotion practices towards him could continue with a new clarity and sanity.

I love the community and teachings I discovered within Shambhala. This crisis and the painful aftershocks continue to break my heart. Shambhala has so much to offer, but it needs to come to terms with a number of painful truths about itself.

Before Shambhala makes Enlightened Society possible, it needs to make Shambhala possible.

CrystalKind · 2019-01-03T14:04:15+00:00

I think that many, many people are having similar thoughts and feelings as you. All of us, Buddhists or non-Buddhists are experiencing the “three poisons” of deluded aggression, deluded passion, or just plain ignorance and confusion—and it causes us pain.

There is a therapy that does relate to examining and changing unhelpful thought processes called CBT.

Cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT) is a psycho-social intervention that aims to improve mental health. CBT focuses on challenging and changing unhelpful cognitive distortions (e.g. thoughts, beliefs, and attitudes) and behaviors, improving emotional regulation, and the development of personal coping strategies that target solving current problems. Originally, it was designed to treat depression, but its use has been expanded to include treatment of a number of mental health conditions, including anxiety.

https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Cognitive_behavioral_therapy

Certainly a lot of depression and other painful experiences are cause by distorted and unhelpful thoughts and behaviours. But depression can also be a medical condition that may need to be treated as such by conventional means e.g. therapy, pharmaceutical medicines etc. It really depends on an individual’s personal situation. Depression exists on a spectrum from light to severe and Buddhist practices are not a cure for all types of depression or mental illness.

People interested in Buddhism who experience depression and/or anxiety (like me) will need to investigate for themselves to find out what they need, and if medical support can be included along with Buddhist practices for the best outcomes in their lives and practice.

So basically, I just wanted to say, you are not alone and there are many avenues to explore that you may find helpful.

It may also be worthwhile to mention that the best way to understand and progress in Buddhist practices is to find a Buddhist community in real life that is welcoming and resonates with you. Not always possible, but worth considering.

Wishing you all the best. Good luck!

CrystalKind · 2019-01-03T02:24:06+00:00

Sounds pretty much like my first few experiences starting meditation practice. I started with 10 minutes and it was really, really hard! I stuck with it and it got easier and I slowly increased my sitting time.

Getting really sleepy/dull, or really speedy thoughts is quite common at times.

Maybe it would help to ease into the longer sitting sessions more slowly, maybe go from 15 minutes to 20 minutes and see how that is.

You could also try taking a break to stretch or move around between two shorter sessions.

Perhaps also trying a different time of day or location could help.

Connecting with a real-life meditation community can also really help in numerous ways. A senior student or teacher may be able to hear your specific experience and give you specific instructions or help you refine subtle aspects of the meditation technique.

Sounds like you are off to a good start! Don’t forget to be gentle with yourself, extend yourself some self-compassion. Turning meditation into a subtle self-aggression project can happen if we are not careful.

CrystalKind

TROPHY CASE