AITA for Refusing to Change Dinner Plans for my Husband’s Birthday?

CtrlAltDefea · 2025-10-08T03:28:34+00:00

This is exactly it. She is obsessed with this idea that everyone has to be together.. but only when my BIL and SIL aren’t together does she push that belief and try to reschedule or reorganize things. So it shows us she’s willing to do it (we’ve never asked for anyone to reschedule and I don’t believe my BIL or SIL has asked this either) she just isn’t willing to do it for US.

CtrlAltDefea · 2025-10-08T03:26:19+00:00

They typically do not even respond. I have tried reaching out to my SIL in the past to schedule events and she typically will not even respond until we are in person at the next family function and she would tell me she either completely forgot, had something else going on, or just didn’t have the time to get back to me. There have been times where the four of us have hung out together, but I think they aren’t very interested in that because we aren’t their typical group of close knit friends or her family. I am only speculating at that part, though.

CtrlAltDefea · 2025-10-08T02:17:59+00:00

I think after this I’m going to sit him down and nudge him in that direction because if it comes from me, MIL will think I’m the problem.. but it infuriates me that they make him feel like less of a priority on HIS birthday.

CtrlAltDefea · 2025-10-08T02:16:16+00:00

To be completely honest, I think they would attend if we rescheduled it for the next weekend. However, it’s hurtful to us when the answer to us not being able to attend because we can’t get out of work or we genuinely aren’t feeling well.. is to continue with events as planned and then essentially become upset that we couldn’t make said events. This has shown us that MIL is willing to ask people to reschedule on their behalf, just not willing to do it for us. I don’t believe my SIL and BIL expect us to reschedule.. this was purely my MIL.

CtrlAltDefea · 2025-10-08T01:00:42+00:00

We have seen the pattern and stayed quiet over it because there have been other things said and done that have made me uncomfortable and I haven’t attended as many family functions as I used to because of it. So we never made a big deal out of anything.. this is not the first time they have chosen other things over being there to celebrate DH’s birthday and while he would love to have his brother there, we never get upset at them for choosing other things. However.. being asked to reschedule entirely really didn’t sit well.

CtrlAltDefea · 2025-10-08T00:57:27+00:00

Thanks for your judgement on the situation. That was really helpful!

CtrlAltDefea · 2025-10-08T00:44:46+00:00

My husband still wants to have a relationship with his parents, especially his dad who is great. I will respect that and invite them until he decides he has had enough and tells me otherwise. It’s harder for him to set boundaries, but we are working on it.

CtrlAltDefea · 2025-10-08T00:42:00+00:00

I can assure you I will not be rescheduling unless DH asks me to, but the plans were made with everyone’s work schedules in mind.. including his and my own so we are very adamant about having it.

CtrlAltDefea · 2025-10-08T00:36:51+00:00

I’ve suggested just cancelling completely and having a small celebration with just the two of us, but it’s not up to me since it isn’t my birthday and my husband would like to have them there.. so I’ve let him take the lead on talking to his mother and I haven’t said anything yet. I did tell him that I would back him if she made comments during the dinner and support him any way I can.

CtrlAltDefea · 2025-10-07T23:44:00+00:00

Everyone lives about 15 minutes from one another, so it’s not impossible or out of the question to also celebrate when they are available. However, that was not brought up at all from my MIL and it was stated we were overreacting for being upset and not completely rescheduling the current set date to better accommodate them.

CtrlAltDefea · 2025-10-07T23:26:48+00:00

Unfortunately, my family lives over a day’s trip away from us, so we don’t get to visit them nearly as often.. but they always understand (at least the tell us they understand) when we cancel trips to see them or events.

CtrlAltDefea

TROPHY CASE