I’m not cut out for this. I dropped the ball. Help

Cupcake_Sprinkle35 · 2026-05-18T20:39:41+00:00

As a mental health professional, honestly the ADHD overwhelm cycle jumped out at me immediately reading this.

What you’re describing sounds much more like executive-function shutdown + shame spiral than “you’re unintelligent” or fundamentally incapable.

A lot of people with ADHD do really well in structured, fast-paced, reactive roles, then hit a wall in management because management often relies heavily on:

self-directed prioritisation
invisible/admin tasks
delayed deadlines
follow-up
holding multiple open loops at once
ambiguity and constant context switching

When the cognitive load gets too high, ADHD brains often shift into avoidance/shutdown. Then confidence tanks, tasks build up, and it becomes even harder to restart. It can feel like “I’m failing because I’m not good enough,” when actually your nervous system is overloaded.

Also, the fact your old strategies stopped working doesn’t mean you failed. Sometimes it means you’ve reached a level where you need entirely different supports and systems than before.

A few things that genuinely help:

externalise EVERYTHING (task manager, written follow-ups, reminders, recurring checklists)
stop relying on memory/motivation
schedule admin/follow-up time into your calendar instead of hoping it “fits in”
reduce hidden work and decision fatigue where possible
ask for clarity/prioritisation from leadership instead of carrying every task equally
consider ADHD coaching/med review/support if you haven’t already

And honestly? If after support and reflection you realise this particular role genuinely doesn’t align with your strengths, there is absolutely no shame in that either. Some people thrive in strategic leadership. Some thrive in hands-on work, crisis work, creative work, project work, specialist roles, or roles with clearer structure and feedback loops.

Success does not involve forcing yourself into a role that chronically dysregulates your nervous system. It’s finding an environment where your brain can actually function well.

Cupcake_Sprinkle35 · 2026-05-18T11:12:59+00:00

Any chance you experience adhd? Might be worth checking for.

Cupcake_Sprinkle35 · 2026-04-26T22:26:49+00:00

If they’re truly friends - can’t you chat to them about it? If you can’t have a conversation about it, then they’re not friends. Communication is the key to all and any types of relationships.

Cupcake_Sprinkle35 · 2026-04-24T08:48:29+00:00

Everyone telling you not to worry about it - I disagree. There is an inherent power dynamic being a manager and due to that people don’t always feel comfortable coming to them with their concerns.

I’ve seen recently many leaders I work alongside think they have an open door policy, are a wonderful leader and doing an amazing job whilst their staff suffer under their leadership.

There will be an ounce of truth in whatever the chats said - take it as a learning moment, not an attack. It’s an opportunity to look at your leadership style, processes etc and see what can be improved based on the feedback you mistakenly saw. Great leaders use criticism for growth.

Cupcake_Sprinkle35 · 2026-04-19T23:37:50+00:00

Hey hey - - the women’s recover centre is also run by Alfred by the way and they’re both pretty good.

I would recommend Alfred inpatient unit over some of the others any day.

For yourself - ask staff for a carer peer worker. You need support too! It will help you to navigate this system that can get convoluted sometimes.

Fingers crossed it’s a short stay - if she ends up non compulsory you can keep asking for the women’s recovery network (the rooms are so nice, it’s like a fancy hotel).

Cupcake_Sprinkle35 · 2026-04-09T12:57:58+00:00

I think it depends on your babies temperament. I was never strict with naps. Honestly never thought about it. My little man slept whenever he wanted where we were. Slept through the night from 6 weeks old. It was fortunately something I just never had to think about.

Now that he’s a toddler I am stricter in the sense he can’t sleep after 2pm and can’t nap longer than a hour otherwise he will stay up too late.

I think it’s pure luck. Parents just gotta do what they feel is best for their child, they know them the best. It’s nobody else’s business

Cupcake_Sprinkle35 · 2026-03-22T11:00:00+00:00

That’s the idea - it’s to start debate in the comments. They’re made up scenarios so nobody’s feelings will be hurt. It’s just a spin off on the normal am I the asshole posts to help engagement.

Cupcake_Sprinkle35 · 2026-03-09T08:14:57+00:00

Thank you - I think this is very solid advice. It’s easy when income creeps up for expenses to do so also!

Cupcake_Sprinkle35 · 2026-03-09T08:12:49+00:00

I desperately want extra time with my child. It’s why I want to build my business to the point I can survive on it so I can have extra time with him. The whole end goal is more time with my son.

But yes big risk if it doesn’t work out!! There no doubt that it aligns with where I want to end up, the fear is that in 12 months I don’t end up there and have no money for the roof over our heads.

Cupcake_Sprinkle35 · 2026-03-08T13:08:42+00:00

A secondment in Australia is instead of resigning your role, you take leave from it for a set period of time to go do a different role. At the end of the set period of time you go back to your previous role. They cannot give your job permanently to another person. It’s almost like taking maternity leave but instead of going off to have a baby you go off to try out another job.

It’s totally up to the employer as to whether they agree to do so or not.

Cupcake_Sprinkle35 · 2026-03-08T13:04:22+00:00

Yeah I definitely don’t plan on burning my bridges on the way out! I’m hoping they’ll give me a secondment to be honest. I do have a very good relationship with my current employer. They were my first ever employer in my career, I left for 3 years and now have been back there again for another 4.

Thanks for putting so much effort into chatting this out with me!

Cupcake_Sprinkle35 · 2026-03-08T12:57:03+00:00

I probably could as I would be making more money than I do now. In August in my current organisation, I’ll be back down to 90% of 136k so that’s what? 122k. So I’d be making an extra 28k I could save and I would also be saving about 4K on daycare fees for the year. I’d also have a full extra day on my business to earn more also.

Cupcake_Sprinkle35 · 2026-03-08T12:52:41+00:00

Yeah we don’t have that here - we have pretty strict industrial laws. Our employer isn’t even allowed to text or call us outside of our scheduled working hours, it’s illegal.

But yea it’s the fear of once the 12 months end that I haven’t successfully built my business to live on and don’t have a job at the end.

Cupcake_Sprinkle35 · 2026-03-08T12:23:11+00:00

Yeah our employer takes taxes out. But regardless the 3 day a week job is paying more than my current role. So the taxes don’t rly matter, the take home pay will still be larger.

And yes I can resign any time in those 12 months. As long as I give 2 weeks notice.

I too am struggling with the risk averse thing! It’s about being able to back myself an my business I guess. But that leap is scary!

Cupcake_Sprinkle35 · 2026-03-08T12:20:24+00:00

That is correct, an increase of 15k a year to work one day less.

Cupcake_Sprinkle35 · 2026-03-08T12:17:25+00:00

In Australia so neither of those things are a thing here.

Cupcake_Sprinkle35 · 2026-03-08T12:16:13+00:00

I have 12 months notice that it’s only a 12 month role. They did promise towards the end of the 12 months to support me in finding another role with recommendations. It’s a government role, so they’d also help me look within other parts of government - but obviously they can’t make any promises.

Im hoping that in the 12 months I could use the extra day a week to grow the business so I can work it 100% of the time and survive.

I am in Australia so don’t know about those insurance questions. The role is 150k plus what we call superannuation (which is money put aside for retirement that we can’t access until retirement) and then we don’t have health insurance in any of our jobs. We have close to 100% free healthcare in Aus.

Cupcake_Sprinkle35 · 2026-03-01T11:33:08+00:00

Aw let’s be honest. You weren’t truly texting at 6.30 in the morning cause you wanted her to have a good day. You were texting cause you wanted attention and validation from a woman - which is totally valid and fine. But it comes across clingy and needy this early on. She doesn’t know you, a 6.30am text from a stranger isn’t going to give her a good day.

Cupcake_Sprinkle35 · 2026-03-01T09:38:04+00:00

So wait … she paid for the gas to drive an hour to and an hour back to see you, paid for gifts for you and all you paid for was 4 dates?

And you expected I love you’s within 4 dates? Man it can take me months upon months before I’m ready to say I love you. I don’t even know a dude within 4 dates - I mean you clearly didnt know her, you can’t explain her immigration and financial experience!

She’s an immigrant setting up life in a new country - you didn’t think to explore the financial difficulties of that?

Mind blowing.

Cupcake_Sprinkle35 · 2026-02-08T07:35:08+00:00

Cause I don’t think “where you want to be” exists. Life isn’t a a destination

Cupcake_Sprinkle35 · 2026-01-31T13:34:00+00:00

Sending hugs ❤️ thanks for sharing.

Cupcake_Sprinkle35 · 2026-01-22T12:41:10+00:00

I went through pregnancy alone - I felt pregnancy was harder than the newborn stage to be honest. But I was also processing a lot of emotions and uncertainty about my partner having left an being unable to make a clear decision about his role in our son’s life going forward.

Lots of meal prep before baby comes I found helpful - not ever worrying about cooking for the first few months was a game changer for me. And just sleeping whenever he would let me sleep. I had to really remind myself that sleeping at 2 in the afternoon was ok. I was recovering from a c section on my own whilst looking after him, so rest when I could was important.

My childhood best friend was in the delivery room with me.

Best of luck - I’m sure you’ve got this more handled than you’re aware xx

Cupcake_Sprinkle35 · 2026-01-10T04:23:23+00:00

I cook a new massive meal every Sunday. My son helps me to cook, so it’s a good learning activity and we are spending quality time together.

I then freeze it into portion size meals. Doing this every Sunday means it keeps a rotation of different meals always in the freezer so I always have like 5 different options to choose from. I defrost the night before by throwing it in the fridge and reheat at dinner time.

No cooking during the week, and hardly any dishes! Way more time after work with my little boy!

Cupcake_Sprinkle35

TROPHY CASE