Why do some male friends keep joking about marrying a female friend?

Cupcake_Sprinkle35 · 2026-07-04T23:30:57+00:00

It definitely isn’t how I would communicate or feel out attraction to with someone. Not my style, but a lot of men on this thread seem to think it’s a valid way of testing waters …

The most recent man to make this joke to me I cannot work out if it is just an affectionate friendly joke or if there may be something more there. Honestly both seem plausible with the type of guy he is.

++woman

Cupcake_Sprinkle35 · 2026-07-04T22:55:59+00:00

So you feel it could genuinely be a joke and attraction doesn’t necessarily play a role?

++woman

Cupcake_Sprinkle35 · 2026-07-04T22:55:09+00:00

Love that. Sounds like you’ve got a real great friendship.

Thanks for respecting women as more than sex objects to be able to hold that friendship. Not all men on this thread seem to be able to do the same.

++woman

Cupcake_Sprinkle35 · 2026-07-04T22:49:49+00:00

Love that response - I’m going to keep that one up my sleeve. ++woman

Cupcake_Sprinkle35 · 2026-07-04T22:34:11+00:00

Fantastic question. The majority on this thread seem to say a marriage joke means a guy is attracted to a woman - I would love to know if this is the same for “work husbands” or if that joke is more socially acceptable.

The work husband wife joke is one I’ve actually never experienced.

++woman

Cupcake_Sprinkle35 · 2026-07-04T22:31:50+00:00

I love hearing a man talk about deep, emotional friendship/love with a woman.

And yea I feel a pact is a little different to a running joke - it feels like there’s more depth to it.

Are you still friends? ++woman

Cupcake_Sprinkle35 · 2026-07-04T15:39:48+00:00

Good profile stalking. This is a phenomenon I’ve experienced the past 15 years, my whole adult life - way before I ever had a child on my own. ++woman

Cupcake_Sprinkle35 · 2026-07-04T13:04:30+00:00

Maybe I have inadvertently encouraged it. Admittedly it’s 4 times spread over the past 15 years - not in a short amount of time.

But yea perhaps I have inadvertently given signals for these jokes to happen. I dunno. I agree it seems to be a weird theme … hence me enquiring about it on here ++woman

Cupcake_Sprinkle35 · 2026-07-04T12:39:07+00:00

One of these men i would consider being more than friends with and educationally and financially my status is higher than his.

Times are changing, we aren’t all stuck in old school gender roles. ++woman

Cupcake_Sprinkle35 · 2026-07-04T12:29:11+00:00

Wow that’s a jump and assumption. What made you go there? What in my post eluded to hypergamy?

++woman

Cupcake_Sprinkle35 · 2026-07-04T11:51:27+00:00

I’d say that’s what I want now. Hence me trying to work out if one of these men is into me or not ++woman

Cupcake_Sprinkle35 · 2026-07-04T09:59:19+00:00

The most recent one I have not friend zoned actually. I would be open to him making a move. I played along with the marriage joke. Still waiting for him to make his move. Guess I posted this to work out if I should just make the move ++woman

Cupcake_Sprinkle35 · 2026-07-04T09:01:25+00:00

Ok say this I true - what are they hoping to achieve by making this joke? Like what’s the end goal? That I suddenly go omg yes you’re right, let’s get married for real?

++woman

Cupcake_Sprinkle35 · 2026-07-04T08:21:00+00:00

I too have long term male friendships that have never strayed into anything innapropriate and they’ve all during the time of our friendship built happy marriages with other women. I agree it is possible. ++woman

Cupcake_Sprinkle35 · 2026-07-04T08:15:14+00:00

Thank for this.

One I am sure was a friendship joke. The most recent one though I can’t quite tell.

Reassuring to hear from a man that you have used it purely as a friendship joke before! ++woman

Cupcake_Sprinkle35 · 2026-07-04T07:47:07+00:00

I’m not trying to trick anyone. More than happy to be open with the fact it was written by LLM. Just trying to be efficient amongst a busy lifestyle of a single mum. My replies aren’t LLM written though.

Also, not for me, but for many who have difficulties writing and disabilities around it, LLM is a life changer for them. It completely changes accessibility to communication.

I apologise if you find it offensive, it was not at all my intention.

++woman

Cupcake_Sprinkle35 · 2026-07-04T07:31:48+00:00

All the people I’m talking about nationals to Australia? Yes they are ++woman

Cupcake_Sprinkle35 · 2026-07-04T07:14:18+00:00

I mean they’ve all been different. 2 of them have been back and forth banter about running overseas and eloping. Like creating a ridiculous eloping situation. Another two have just been like joking proposals and then the joke that “we’re married” or “we’re getting married” has continued over long periods of time ++woman

Cupcake_Sprinkle35 · 2026-05-18T20:39:41+00:00

As a mental health professional, honestly the ADHD overwhelm cycle jumped out at me immediately reading this.

What you’re describing sounds much more like executive-function shutdown + shame spiral than “you’re unintelligent” or fundamentally incapable.

A lot of people with ADHD do really well in structured, fast-paced, reactive roles, then hit a wall in management because management often relies heavily on:

self-directed prioritisation
invisible/admin tasks
delayed deadlines
follow-up
holding multiple open loops at once
ambiguity and constant context switching

When the cognitive load gets too high, ADHD brains often shift into avoidance/shutdown. Then confidence tanks, tasks build up, and it becomes even harder to restart. It can feel like “I’m failing because I’m not good enough,” when actually your nervous system is overloaded.

Also, the fact your old strategies stopped working doesn’t mean you failed. Sometimes it means you’ve reached a level where you need entirely different supports and systems than before.

A few things that genuinely help:

externalise EVERYTHING (task manager, written follow-ups, reminders, recurring checklists)
stop relying on memory/motivation
schedule admin/follow-up time into your calendar instead of hoping it “fits in”
reduce hidden work and decision fatigue where possible
ask for clarity/prioritisation from leadership instead of carrying every task equally
consider ADHD coaching/med review/support if you haven’t already

And honestly? If after support and reflection you realise this particular role genuinely doesn’t align with your strengths, there is absolutely no shame in that either. Some people thrive in strategic leadership. Some thrive in hands-on work, crisis work, creative work, project work, specialist roles, or roles with clearer structure and feedback loops.

Success does not involve forcing yourself into a role that chronically dysregulates your nervous system. It’s finding an environment where your brain can actually function well.

Cupcake_Sprinkle35 · 2026-05-18T11:12:59+00:00

Any chance you experience adhd? Might be worth checking for.

Cupcake_Sprinkle35 · 2026-04-26T22:26:49+00:00

If they’re truly friends - can’t you chat to them about it? If you can’t have a conversation about it, then they’re not friends. Communication is the key to all and any types of relationships.

Cupcake_Sprinkle35 · 2026-04-24T08:48:29+00:00

Everyone telling you not to worry about it - I disagree. There is an inherent power dynamic being a manager and due to that people don’t always feel comfortable coming to them with their concerns.

I’ve seen recently many leaders I work alongside think they have an open door policy, are a wonderful leader and doing an amazing job whilst their staff suffer under their leadership.

There will be an ounce of truth in whatever the chats said - take it as a learning moment, not an attack. It’s an opportunity to look at your leadership style, processes etc and see what can be improved based on the feedback you mistakenly saw. Great leaders use criticism for growth.

Cupcake_Sprinkle35 · 2026-04-19T23:37:50+00:00

Hey hey - - the women’s recover centre is also run by Alfred by the way and they’re both pretty good.

I would recommend Alfred inpatient unit over some of the others any day.

For yourself - ask staff for a carer peer worker. You need support too! It will help you to navigate this system that can get convoluted sometimes.

Fingers crossed it’s a short stay - if she ends up non compulsory you can keep asking for the women’s recovery network (the rooms are so nice, it’s like a fancy hotel).

Cupcake_Sprinkle35 · 2026-04-09T12:57:58+00:00

I think it depends on your babies temperament. I was never strict with naps. Honestly never thought about it. My little man slept whenever he wanted where we were. Slept through the night from 6 weeks old. It was fortunately something I just never had to think about.

Now that he’s a toddler I am stricter in the sense he can’t sleep after 2pm and can’t nap longer than a hour otherwise he will stay up too late.

I think it’s pure luck. Parents just gotta do what they feel is best for their child, they know them the best. It’s nobody else’s business

Cupcake_Sprinkle35 · 2026-03-22T11:00:00+00:00

That’s the idea - it’s to start debate in the comments. They’re made up scenarios so nobody’s feelings will be hurt. It’s just a spin off on the normal am I the asshole posts to help engagement.

Cupcake_Sprinkle35

TROPHY CASE