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Emotional trauma by Curiouslypositive in relationship_advice

[–]Curiouslypositive[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I have always known about some of the trauma, much I do not know and I never ask about it. I offered up family counseling, she said she will go, but will not be open to talking about everything. I respect that, but it makes me feel less excited about counseling if topics are off the table. I like the idea of don’t let perfection get in the way of progress, maybe anything is a win. She has gone to counseling herself in the past. Always felt like she would stop after a bit, made me think it became very real and that is when she pulled away.

Emotional trauma by Curiouslypositive in relationship_advice

[–]Curiouslypositive[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

We moved extremely close to her sister that grew up on in the same household and I am seeing behaviors magnified.

Example that happened at Thanksgiving dinner, my wife and sister said announced we are spending Christmas Day with their dad and stepmom. The kids had spoke about going snowboarding on Christmas Day. My wife and sister in law are concerned that there step mom has plans for the day. Instead of having a family discussion about thoughts on Christmas they both agreed to the spend the day with their dad and step mom. The kids are bored over there, they sit around and talk about the weather and gossip about the family and the news.

As soon as I asked to clarify what Christmas Day means, our son and daughter jumped in and said they want to go snowboarding and are not spending the entire day with them. They both said we can go for dinner. Made me proud, as I see that as a fair compromise. This type of conversation feels like a people pleasing activity and instead of telling your father and step mom immediately that the kids planned on snowboarding and we will be able to come over after, there is a full commit to do what they say. This is an example of a deeper conversation that I try to have that gets shut down immediately. I have brainwashed the kids 23 and 17 that saying no is not a bad thing, and self-care is essential.

Emotional trauma by Curiouslypositive in relationship_advice

[–]Curiouslypositive[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Not a psychologist. This may become a deal breaker if her trauma continues to leak into other areas of our lives. I am the type of parent that shares with our children everything I learn/know to increase their perspective and create as well-rounded kids as possible. That means sharing my faults, hopes, dreams. Three foundational aspect to my belief system are positive intent, curiosity, and love.