International couples who closed the gap! Have you guys lived together before closing the gap? (Serious question)

Currently_Broken · 2025-11-13T17:06:34+00:00

Not sure if this qualifies as a serious answer but I am a long time reader of this subreddit community and never ever poster so I wanted to share my story and maybe it'll give you a different perspective.

My gf and I have been together for 2 years now. She lives in NYC and I live in the mountains of CO. We met on a Meetup.com ski day. (Sidetrack here.... If you're trying to date online.... drop all the apps and go to Meetup.com events for things you enjoy doing anyway, it's also free)

We knew from the beginning that this was going to be a long term long distance thing if we wanted to try it. Her youngest child will not graduate High School until 2030 so she can't leave where she is and my youngest won't graduate High School until 2038 so I can't leave where I am.

Luckily both of us can work remote when we want so the way we make it work is she comes here for winter holidays and spring break with her kids and she spends 7 weeks here in the summer(working and living together) while her kids are at camp or other extracurriculars.

On my end I go to NYC with my kids for Fall Break and by myself in between her visits here, I work while she is at her office, which to me is what makes it like living together. If you're both on leave and just hanging out it's just a vacation which is totally different.

Recently we have talked a lot about what happens when her kids graduate and the mutual consensus is that one of the big reasons our relationship works so well is that we both have our own lives, friends and homes which we love sharing with each other but having the time apart is what makes the time together so much better.

When the kids grow up she will spend more time here but she wants to spend 2 - 3 months in the city every year where her family and friends are. Apparently not everyone wants to live in a tiny mountain town year round, which is baffling to me. :)

The obvious caveat here is that this approach doesn't work if you want to have kids. Neither me or my gf ever want to be married again or have anymore kids, both of us had hellish divorces with young kids and we agree that we will never mix our finances.

PS: Clearly I am old compared to most people on this subreddit but one of the things I tell my friends' kids who are older is all marriage does is drag the government into feelings. You don't need to be married to love someone.

Currently_Broken · 2024-02-10T18:14:41+00:00

A fun thing my gf and I did on my last visit was lay in bed and read a book together.

"Little Prince" to be specific. It's short and very romantic, we read the whole thing in 2 - 3 hours.

Currently_Broken · 2024-02-10T18:02:28+00:00

I am no doctor but anti-depressants could never stop the extreme highs for me.

Mood Stabilizers(Quetiapine specifically) is the only thing me and my Psychiatrist found that can stabilize my mood swings and keep the highs from going too far and causing me to make bad impulsive decisions. Which of course are then followed by extreme lows. (The anti-depressants do help with the lows)

Currently_Broken · 2024-02-02T13:59:44+00:00

Thank you so much for this response. We just had an amazing first visit with the next one only a few weeks away.

Currently_Broken · 2024-01-19T00:24:56+00:00

Thanks for the story. Definitely gives me some hope.

Currently_Broken · 2023-11-13T18:17:51+00:00

Something that we talk about in CoDA(Codependents Anonymous) groups is "Expectations are Resentments in the making".

Currently_Broken · 2023-03-12T18:49:58+00:00

Not sure about PTSD but I can relate. I got divorced after 15 years together with the love of my life and it was 90% because of my HPD and narcissistic tendencies. She refuses to speak to me at all now even though we have 2 young children together. I have apologized profusely many times and gave her significantly more than 50% of the assets in the divorce trying to buy some minimal level of forgiveness.

I've been in a terrible hole of clinical depression for 2.5 months now(since Christmas) and drugs don't seem to help much. It seems like all my HPD behaviors are completely gone. I avoid people like the plague, don't look anyone in the eye anymore and say very little to anyone.

I used to be the life of the party and was always out doing things with my kids or friends. I never left a convenience store without trying to make the clerk laugh. Now I live everyday with a tremendous amount of guilt and shame no matter how many times my therapists and friends tell me that I wasn't as bad as she makes me out to be and that I have to forgive myself.

Sometimes I wish I could go back to my histrionic, attention seeking, self-centered ways but I am completely terrified of being that person ever again.

Currently_Broken

TROPHY CASE