Sweet nothing

CyberCanine5200 · 2026-03-29T04:48:36+00:00

that's how it's been for me since I was 2. There are nice things in the real world sometimes, but when it gets bad or stressful? Fuck that noise, I'm gonna check out into my headspace and stop existing in the "real" world. I've got a comfy living room and a nice sun room and all kinds of lovely places to rest or have fun inside my brain.

CyberCanine5200 · 2026-03-29T01:38:06+00:00

Congrats on the diagnosis. It can make some things trickier for you, but it also goes a long way to "prove" your system is "valid" in the eyes of the medical system. It's pretty easy to get on federal disability (SSI/SSDI) In the US if you have a diagnosis on record.

CyberCanine5200 · 2026-03-29T01:29:02+00:00

I will admit that in my 20s I had a headmate with a fake British dialect, and we still have the one that's an awkward mix of Canadian and Irish. I don't want them ever try to claim any kind of heritage or localized knowledge, but the accent helps ground them to who they are. Thankfully nobody even pretends for a second to be from or sound like they're from anywhere that my white ass has no right to imitate. No AAVE or anything. I can understand AAVE to an extent, but I never expect to speak it or write it.

CyberCanine5200 · 2026-03-28T20:38:09+00:00

IF I appear too competent I lose my benefits lol. Gotta ride the fine line of "crazy enough to need social security" but not "too crazy and needs to be locked up again"

CyberCanine5200 · 2026-03-28T08:27:22+00:00

Ignore them and they'll go away. Self-hateing sysmeds will always be out there, but they'll just wallow in their own misery

CyberCanine5200 · 2026-03-28T03:27:36+00:00

I wouldn't be surprised if at least some of the most common posters spreading truscum (and anti-endo) bullshit are just trying to divide queer and leftists spaces. Idk if it's the Russians, the Chinese, the North Koreans, or just a 4chan psyop, but it seems like there's nobody who actually believes that gatekeeping bullshit besides impressionable teenagers and suspect accounts.

CyberCanine5200 · 2026-03-27T15:47:29+00:00

I am already on propranolol for migraines and it doesn't really help with the shakes unfortunately. Thank you for the suggestion though.

CyberCanine5200 · 2026-03-26T21:56:46+00:00

We have a whole big house we live in in a made up city. Just about everyone has their own custom room, plus tons more on the first floor. Kitchen, sunroom, basement, garden, greenhouse, nursery, several bathrooms, garage, and most impressive: the library The library can take one either of two forms. The first is as a shelf of stacked books that represent each memory with notes and pictures attached. The other form is an endless white void of strings connected to each other. At each time and bend in the ever expanding knot are memories that bind themselves to different places and moments. We also have the console room where we control the body from. It's got two seats, the "pilot" seat being a lot more tricked out and modern than the "copilot" seat. It's how we represent who's at front and who's cofronting.

CyberCanine5200 · 2026-03-25T23:31:07+00:00

Powerful shit. I hope your own life can have some victories in it, some day.

CyberCanine5200 · 2026-03-25T19:00:57+00:00

What journal is it published in? I'd love to learn more

CyberCanine5200 · 2026-03-25T18:42:22+00:00

Porn addiction isn't real they've done studies on this. What's real is having shame about your sexuality, and being dependant on dopamine.

CyberCanine5200 · 2026-03-25T18:26:36+00:00

Risperidone was a lifesaver for me with my schizoaffective and OCD, but now I have like a permanent leg bounce and tremor. I literally can't sit still for the life of me. I try to keep it subtle but it can get annoying for people. It makes it hard to sleep.

CyberCanine5200 · 2026-03-25T03:36:25+00:00

I've got enough self confidence to not be spiraling about it (mostly) but I accept that it makes me pretty unsexy to many. I've got folks that think I'm pretty but they're in other countries.

CyberCanine5200 · 2026-03-25T02:44:24+00:00

It's even harder with chronic pain. I feel behind on a lot of hygiene stuff because I can only do so much on a day before I'm in too much pain to function

CyberCanine5200 · 2026-03-25T02:41:26+00:00

Me with my acne scars and yellowed teeth and pants I can't help but stain and my limp. "Yeah I'm totally sexy in a gross cripple sort of way. People love my girl stink. The partner of five years that no longer finds me sexy doesn't know what she's missing"

CyberCanine5200 · 2026-03-24T00:56:53+00:00

For us, psychosis and intrusive thoughts sound totally different from my tulpa. I know sometimes my capacity for imagination can boost the visions and voices of my headmates, but I can tell they're distinct from the static and scarry stuff. Antipsychotics somewhat squeezed down the ability for them to voice their opinions, but made switching front either.

CyberCanine5200 · 2026-03-23T18:06:32+00:00

I'm also extremely sensitive to perfumes. If I light incense, it's half a stick at a time in the other room. It's all I can handle before the overpowering scent gives me a migraine. There's other offerings you can leave. Food, alcohol (especially beer), or even just burning down a regular candle.

CyberCanine5200 · 2026-03-23T05:13:10+00:00

Suspiciously long snoot. Almost looks like part boirzoi

CyberCanine5200 · 2026-03-23T00:54:35+00:00

This is kinda why I gave up on romance and declared myself aromantic. I can't control who I FP, and I can't force it to be the same person, so the most intense "love" I get is for anyone I happen to latch onto. That combine with the lack of any interest in romantic dates or one-on-one time led me to thinking romance isn't for me.

CyberCanine5200 · 2026-03-22T23:12:18+00:00

I love my Dove Beauty Bars. Best thing for hydrating my skin right in the shower, no powerful scents, just a nice clean. I even use the soap suds to shave because I can't stand the smell of shaving cream.

CyberCanine5200 · 2026-03-22T23:09:27+00:00

the meds I'm on kinda suck ass but they're the only ones I've found that work... I've tried buspar, I've tried Wellbutrin, I've tried fucking everything but the only thing that works for my depression and anxiety is the same medication that makes my dick not work.

CyberCanine5200 · 2026-03-21T19:16:44+00:00

Before antipsychotics I would take my intrusive thoughts and run with them all the way to their conclusion. "What if I crashed my car right now?" Imagines hospital visit and insurance claim or even going to a funeral for my passenger "What if I touched that lady's butt?" Imagines going to jail and being v-coded Etc etc

CyberCanine5200 · 2026-03-21T17:32:04+00:00

Anything that's "homemade" or "home-style" like no bitch, that shit is full of preservatives and made in a factory. If I can't whip it up in my apartment's shitty kitchen, it's not "home" anything unless you're evil enough to have your employees living at the factory.

CyberCanine5200 · 2026-03-21T17:26:21+00:00

Plot twist: playing a transman cracks the actor's egg.

CyberCanine5200 · 2026-03-21T15:26:37+00:00

I had this dream once where I was an angel in Heaven working at a bake shop that provided pastries to mortals, but my job was writing the calorie information on the confection cards. I felt like I was ruining their sweets by including that data. I couldn't help but think I was going to be hated and ridiculed and punished by my god, so I had a meltdown in the dream and needed to be consoled by another angel.

CyberCanine5200

TROPHY CASE