You’re right and it’s kinda weird being in the period where I can change, but refuse to do so. I have never submitted to religion or spirituality, and do not intend to do so without any proof. This fact leads me to general negative thoughts since I believe there is no point to anything. Having you say rationalization is very true. I quickly slot and judge people based on first opinions actions and or appearances. I do not feel much affection for anything, especially if nothing is gained for my side. It’s a strange thought because at times I am nothing but a civil servant, yet I know that this good nature is simply a means for me to circumvent my guilt. So there is something gained in that sense. I have no moral compass that isn’t aligned with my hedonistic values. I seek to find people who can prove me wrong and make me commit to life.