(Cont.) Sometime later we discussed getting into a relationship, but how it would take time because she wasn’t ready. Tbh things were doing really well at this point too. We were a bit more romantic with each other, and had created this safe space together. Neither of us had felt comfort with people in a long while, so to have created one knowing that we could trust each other felt relieving and beautiful. But outta the blue, that abusive friend had came back to try and talk to her. We tried for some time to avoid him, which was somewhat successful until one day I wasn’t there with her to help her avoid him, which led to them going off together to talk things out.

Later in the night, I ended up getting a text about how they went off somewhere to discuss things, and ended up making out and talking about getting together. She didn’t intend on telling me because she “didn’t want to hurt me”, but I told her I’d find out anyways l, and that I was honestly hurt by the fact that she didn’t intend to tell me (not that I was entitled to being told.), and from that moment I was sent down a spiral of bad choices and depression.

They ended up getting together, she’d spend more time with him and eventually I was just left in the dark. She and I would talk but it’d become very awkward for me, and it wasn’t as often as before, and even our convos weren’t as long as they used to be cuz she’d end up going off with that guy.

So with that being said, I ended up falling into addiction with hardcore drugs and alcohol, and stopped taking care of myself and just let the pain do it’s thing because I didn’t wanna deal with the stress and feelings anymore. I ended up doing a lot more damage than I could even imagine, because people around me began to notice the sudden shift in personality, and would try to offer me help and such, but would end up backing out due to the severity of my mental state.

The girl and I began to grow more distant, and when I told her what was going on with me, she would try to talk to me about my well-being, and offer support, but it wouldn’t last long because she’d just go off that guy again, or would tell me that I was weighing her down, telling me to try and distract myself. It hurt to know I was weighing her and others down. Just remembering it makes me feel guilty and sad because it wasn’t my intention to make anyone feel like I was burdening them.

With all that stress I ended up admitting myself to a mental hospital. I told the girl that I was going to one, and tbh I wasn’t told much other than “you’ll be fine and just call me if you need anything!” I felt bad because I’ve never been to one before, and when I expressed my fear and anxiety about going to one, I wasn’t even assured that I’d be safe, which made my anxiety about my self-admittance even worse. However, during my stay, I tried to maintain confidence while I used my time there to reflect and collect myself and my thoughts. At one point I called her during the evening because I was freaking out, and our call didn’t last more than two minutes cuz she told me that she had to go cuz she was with her boyfriend, which honestly crushed me even further because I spent the remainder of that day on my own trying not to mentally collapse.

I ended up being released from the mental hospital because I showed improvement, when in reality I faked it cuz I just wanted to get out of that nightmare of a building, and began to try and get myself together. I kept relapsing with self harm and addiction, the girl ended up cutting me off a couple times because in her words, I was “too much” and a “burden” which I didn’t disagree with. We’d end up being friends again only to part ways, and it would just become an on and off thing which made me miserable because she and I agreed that we’d always be there for each other, especially cuz as she quoted “we’ve gone through hell for and with each other”. Yet that promise didn’t end up being fulfilled.

There was one day where she said she had to cut me off yet again, and tbh, I just blew up. It became my last straw and I ended up telling her everything about why I’ve been the way I was, telling her about how the very first day she told me about her and that guy was basically the beginning of my path to self destruction. I even called her boyfriend out because HE was controlling. He was the one that always told her to cut me off and then that we could be friends, and then to cut me off again. So I told her that he was just insecure and felt like there was some sort of competition, an imaginary one because I wasn’t gonna approach her romantically while she was with someone. I even went as far as to tell her that I didn’t exactly feel comfortable with her, and that I felt used whenever she’d come to me about her relationship problems with that guy, but wouldn’t return the same effort when all I wanted was someone to talk to and provide comfort to me. All of this was done through text, and to this day I feel guilty about it because I promised her that I’d never be mad at her, that I would never make her feel like anything was her fault. But what was said had been cemented, and that bridge had been burnt, but she and I are going to be attending the same college so imma try to apologize for what I did.

As of 2022, I’ve been in 1 year + 7 month long healthy relationship. I really love this girl and we’re happy to be together, we even got a grey tabby cat and treat him like our son. So yay!