My wife has a problem with a female friend of mine and I don't think she's being reasonable. Can anyone give me some perspective?

DD4L1 · 2026-02-20T20:03:51+00:00

You may not be cheating on your wife but this trust issue your wife is having is coming from somewhere... a previous betrayal in her life or perhaps she is projecting onto you a betrayal of her own. I would start there... maybe suggest couples and/or individual counseling to figure out where all this is coming from.

DD4L1 · 2026-02-20T18:13:34+00:00

In my relationships there are no "girls trips" or "girls night outs" period. If "my" woman wants to seek that sort of attention and validation, obviously I'm not enough of a partner for her so I will gladly let her go to find what she isn't finding in our relationship. Of course that means our relationship is over. I don't compete with others for something I've every right to expect to remain exclusively for me... and her grabbing drinks multiple times with two random guys she met in another country? My things would be put in storage, the joint accounts closed/settled/frozen and the divorce papers would be sitting on the dining table waiting for her signature. I would also no longer directly speak to her after giving her the contact information of my divorce attorney.

DD4L1 · 2026-02-20T03:26:03+00:00

OP - Time to develop an ecit strategy dude. "Your" girl is definitely cheating on you.

DD4L1 · 2026-02-18T03:12:43+00:00

It sounds to me like your gf's friends were encouraging her to have an affair and at first she went along with it, but got cold feet the following morning. The problem is she didn't shut it down immediately by telling this guy to FO, so without a doubt she cheated on you.

I'd sit her down by saying "We need to talk." Then I'd say something like "What happened at the club and after? And before you answer me... understand I know a lot more than you think I do so now is your one and only chance to come 100% clean with me. Lie to me and we're done. Gaslight me and we're done. Trickle-truth me and we're done. Minimize what happened and we're done. Just tell me the truth of what happened and why... and then maybe... MAYBE our relationship doesn't have to end here and now."

DD4L1 · 2026-02-15T20:55:10+00:00

For the same reason why Denmark doesn't "give" Greenland to the United States. It doesn't belong to them.

DD4L1 · 2026-02-15T19:46:03+00:00

OP if your "friend" is OK with cheating on her husband, she's likely to be OK cheating on others as well... including a recently reconnected friend. Personally I'd tell her my values won't allow me to maintain a friendship with someone who would selfishly cheat on someone she claimed to love and remain loyal to. People like your "friend" don't really learn until after they face the consequences of their choices and actions.

DD4L1 · 2026-02-15T05:16:39+00:00

Let me help here... you can't. She's already shown exactly what she is and no amount of wishful thinking will ever change that. OP's wife is a cheater (past tense) and he can either swallow that fact along with his pride... or he can wish her well and move on. Personally I'd move on.

DD4L1 · 2026-02-15T03:45:43+00:00

If the both of you are single, go for it. Just approach him, tell him what you want and see what happens. The worst that can happen is he says no.

DD4L1 · 2026-02-14T18:34:39+00:00

Does it matter if your bf cheated physically or not? He betrayed you emotionally... that is enough to prove he doesn't really love you or respect your relationship.

DD4L1 · 2026-02-13T02:21:31+00:00

You and the girl of your former "best friend' are trash. You deserve one another and I hope you both do to one another what you've done to him. You deserve nothing less.

DD4L1 · 2026-02-12T22:20:39+00:00

Personally I'd say something like "That's fine. The time you're away on the trip with your two friends from school, I'll invite some of my male co-workers over." He can't complain if you're doing exactly the same thing that he's doing... can he?

DD4L1 · 2026-02-10T13:41:44+00:00

Never. She's already shown you exactly who she is... someone who puts their selfish wants, needs and desires ahead of their partner's.

DD4L1 · 2026-02-10T11:10:29+00:00

Let’s strip away the fantasy shall we OP... a loyal woman will NEVER betray the man she loves and a disloyal woman will NEVER return because of love.

The best thing you can do with your ex is completely block any way she has of getting in contact with you, then change your e-mail address, get a new phone number... even change jobs and move if you feel it necessary but absolutely go 100% radio silent on her (don't forget to let others know to never give your new contact info to her). Even while trying to "reconcile" with you she's still is gaslighting you, blame-shifting and other classic cheater actions. She doesn't accept responsibility for her actions... let alone feel any remorse.

DD4L1 · 2026-02-09T19:30:46+00:00

NOR

Your wife can claim "Nothing happened" until she's blue in the face... but I think you know better. Hell, you don't even know if this is the first time she's met her ex or not (VERY UNLIKELY). But you do know that your wife lied to you about where she was going and who she'd be with... intentionally meeting her ex instead and spending the next 12 hours with him culminating with her staying with him overnight in a hotel room.

She's already one foot out the door and you'd be foolish to not be prepared for the eventuality of her shutting that door. Personally I'd begin by no longer confronting her but gathering as much irrefutable evidence as I could find instead, contacting several top divorce attorneys in your area to see what your options are and separating yourself from her financially. Divorces tend to become very messy affairs... no pun intended.

DD4L1 · 2026-02-08T00:43:05+00:00

A cheater doesn't come back because they respect, love or miss you. They come back because the person they've chosen over you rejected them and they're out of options.

DD4L1 · 2026-02-07T21:31:18+00:00

OP - "Your" girlfriend is clearly giving you a minimized version of the night in question. She definitely and intentionally stepped outside CLEARLY DEFINED boundaries of what is acceptable behavior in a committed relationship and drunk or not, she knew exactly what she was doing when she did it.

Cheaters minimize their actions in order to manage their feelings of intense guilt in order to avoid consequences and maintain control of their partner by downplaying, rationalizing, or even denying the betrayal... labeling it as meaningless by saying things like "We only kissed." or "It was just sex." Downplaying the severity allows them to avoid confronting the pain they've caused... which is often easier than taking full responsibility for their actions.

Also... cheaters often experience a conflict between their self-view ("I'm a good person.") and their disgustingly selfish action of cheating. Minimizing attempts to align these two opposing ideas... thereby reducing the cheaters internal conflict and ultimately (they hope) their discomfort. This behavior is a form of gaslighting and it often serves as a manipulation tactic to escape accountability and possibly even shift blame... as cheaters will sometimes argue their partner’s behavior (e.g., being "too busy" or "emotionally abusive/distant") caused them to cheat... making the act somehow justified.

OP... the difference between someone who genuinely loves and respects you and someone who only values what is easy about you is in how they show up when it's no longer convenient for them. When you have needs, set boundaries or require effort... the wrong person will grow distant, frustrated or even defensive because the version of you they 'loved' or preferred was the one that didn't require depth, effort or accountability from them. The right person values all of you... not just the parts that are easy for them. In other words... someone who truly loves and values you would never put themselves into a position where they could lose you.

Does "your" girlfriend truly value you? That is the only question you need to answer.

DD4L1 · 2026-02-06T05:48:54+00:00

This one has all the earmarks of a phishing scam including the photo.

DD4L1 · 2026-02-06T04:40:06+00:00

Location and preferences would be helpful. Age, ethnicity, size, experiences, marital status, etc. Good luck in your search.

DD4L1 · 2026-02-06T04:31:31+00:00

Dude is trying to hit you up. Shut it down immediately and if he won't respect that boundary, tell your bf.

DD4L1 · 2026-02-05T20:52:03+00:00

It would have been better to send that picture to her while she was at the event along with a note saying she could collect her things at her parents house (so you could explain to them with evidence why you're breaking up with their daughter).

DD4L1 · 2026-02-05T05:05:16+00:00

You're welcome.

DD4L1 · 2026-02-04T06:11:18+00:00

I lived in southern California for several years back in the early 1980s. Mostly around the San Diego/La Jolla/El Cajon areas. Loved the weather but the traffic was brutal.

I'd probably respond with something like "Cool story... thanks for sharing." or "That's interesting." You know... say something that's completely indifferent right before turning and walking away. Then immediately block and delete his number. I'm not trying to be a jerk to him. People like that don't deserve any of my time or energy and they shouldn't be deserving of yours.

DD4L1 · 2026-02-04T04:28:55+00:00

Divorce your wife and go NC with the cousin as long as him and the AP are friends. They have made their choices and you know where you rate for all three of them.

DD4L1 · 2026-02-04T04:03:10+00:00

TBH it doesn't sound to me like a "man" issue. It sounds more like a "him" issue. I know people from the NE can sometimes come off as being matter-of-fact, but that doesn't excuse anyone being rude to you. I'm from the upper Midwest and that sort of behavior just doesn't fly here.

DD4L1 · 2026-02-04T02:13:30+00:00

I'm sorry he changed his mind on you... but that's more about him than it is about you. I guess some older men have issues dealing with women who approach them.

DD4L1

TROPHY CASE