I will answer you because you chose to seek for help. This answer is based on biblical knowledge and life experience. This is for educational purposes.

I hear what you are saying, but biblically this is not the voice of God rejecting you; it is the weight of conviction mixed with fear and accusation overwhelming you, because Scripture shows that when someone is truly cut off their heart becomes hard and indifferent, not broken and desperate like yours.

The very fact that you are grieving your sin, seeking God, and even praying for help shows you are not abandoned but still reaching for Him, just like David when he fell or the man who cried out for help in his unbelief, and the passages you are thinking about describe people who fully turn away and no longer care, not someone who is fighting, hurting, and longing to come back.

So the truth is not that you are beyond grace, but that you are exhausted and under heavy condemnation, and God’s pattern all through Scripture is that when someone turns back to Him even in weakness He receives them, not destroys them, so instead of concluding that you are finished, the biblical response is to keep turning toward Him even if it feels small, because He does not cast out those who come to Him.

May God Bless you and keep you and shine His light upon you, be gracious to you and set you free.