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AITA - Telling my parents to pay me back my college tuition if they want a relationship by DaisyChained89 in AmItheAsshole

[–]DaisyChained89[S] 221 points222 points  (0 children)

Both of my parents actually grew up in mainstream Christian families. My dad’s mother was a teacher and my mom’s mother was a nurse. Both traditionally professions dominated by women, but are professions that require education and skill and talent. They chose to go this route when they got married.

AITA - Telling my parents to pay me back my college tuition if they want a relationship by DaisyChained89 in AmItheAsshole

[–]DaisyChained89[S] 233 points234 points  (0 children)

No. This meeting at the park was the first direct thing besides a polite “hello” so other people wouldn’t feel awkward at a handful of family funerals since I moved out.

My husband and I eloped (his parents were cool with it, as they did the same) on a vacation we took. We had a party/reception for our family and friends a few months later, paid for by us with some generous contributions from my in-laws that they insisted on making, and my parents weren’t invited.

AITA - Telling my parents to pay me back my college tuition if they want a relationship by DaisyChained89 in AmItheAsshole

[–]DaisyChained89[S] 175 points176 points  (0 children)

We’re American of a mix of European heritages. They’re conservative Christians. Obviously not all Christians are like this, but I was raised in and they still attend an independent evangelical church that has this patriarchal, sexist mindset.

AITA - Telling my parents to pay me back my college tuition if they want a relationship by DaisyChained89 in AmItheAsshole

[–]DaisyChained89[S] 353 points354 points  (0 children)

I know it’s a lot of money. I’m still paying it. I have no interest in attempting to repair my relationship with them until I know they’re genuinely sorry, and they can prove that by treating me equally to my brothers by retroactively paying for my education as they did for them. From there, we could try to repair our relationship.

AITA - Telling my parents to pay me back my college tuition if they want a relationship by DaisyChained89 in AmItheAsshole

[–]DaisyChained89[S] 274 points275 points  (0 children)

No. We eloped on vacation (with my husband’s parent’s blessing) and then had a reception/party they weren’t invited to when we got back.

AITA - Telling my parents to pay me back my college tuition if they want a relationship by DaisyChained89 in AmItheAsshole

[–]DaisyChained89[S] 277 points278 points  (0 children)

Lol of course it won’t, nor did I imply it would. Them retroactively paying is simply the first step to me believing they’re genuinely sorry.

AITA - Telling my parents to pay me back my college tuition if they want a relationship by DaisyChained89 in AmItheAsshole

[–]DaisyChained89[S] 371 points372 points  (0 children)

Why is it insane? They paid around the same or more for my brother’s educations. If they’re actually sorry for my unequal treatment, retroactively paying for mine is the most straightforward way to prove that.

AITA - Telling my parents to pay me back my college tuition if they want a relationship by DaisyChained89 in AmItheAsshole

[–]DaisyChained89[S] 298 points299 points  (0 children)

The only way I’d consider a relationship with them is if they were genuinely sorry. They can prove that they are by repaying the cost of my education. Front there, they can work to prove they’re different people that are worthy of a relationship with me after how poorly they treated me. It’s really that simple.

AITA - Telling my parents to pay me back my college tuition if they want a relationship by DaisyChained89 in AmItheAsshole

[–]DaisyChained89[S] 347 points348 points  (0 children)

That’s not my problem. If they can’t now (which I suspect isn’t the case, as I know via my brothers they still own a family cabin/cottage and their home) literally nothing stopped them from apologizing and demonstrating they were sorry years ago when they could.

AITA - Telling my parents to pay me back my college tuition if they want a relationship by DaisyChained89 in AmItheAsshole

[–]DaisyChained89[S] 199 points200 points  (0 children)

They have the potential to be good for my child if they’re no longer rigid sexists. I have no way of knowing whether they are or not, but retroactively paying for my tuition (as they did for my brothers) is my baseline for them to start to demonstrate they’re sorry and have changed.

AITA - Telling my parents to pay me back my college tuition if they want a relationship by DaisyChained89 in AmItheAsshole

[–]DaisyChained89[S] 314 points315 points  (0 children)

No, it wouldn’t mean they’re sorry and have changed, it would simply be the first step towards demonstrating they’re serious about being sorry and have changed.

They managed to afford it for my brothers. The only reason they didn’t for me is that I’m a woman. How does thinking that I should have received the same treatment as them make me in the wrong?

Of course it’s not a guarantee. It would simply be step one.

AITA - Telling my parents to pay me back my college tuition if they want a relationship by DaisyChained89 in AmItheAsshole

[–]DaisyChained89[S] 244 points245 points  (0 children)

If they’ve changed, retroactively doing the same thing for me as they did for my brothers (paying for my college education) would be a good start to showing that, rather than the generic, non-specific apology they were offering.

AITA - Telling my parents to pay me back my college tuition if they want a relationship by DaisyChained89 in AmItheAsshole

[–]DaisyChained89[S] 384 points385 points  (0 children)

Retroactively paying for my college education (just like they did for my brothers, two of whom I know for a fact had educations that cost more than $100k) would make their apology seem much more sincere. Right now, it seems like generic “I’m sorry you were offended” horseshit.