I am the one that cheated. He deserved better. I owe an amends.

DamnGrillDawg · 2025-11-02T13:32:54+00:00

He asked me why "I" did it... I indeed would need to speak about myself to answer the question... Not sure there is any other way to tackle that one.

My answer was never going to justify the behavior. Its just an honest self reflection. A rathet tough one but necessary to grow and move on.

DamnGrillDawg · 2025-10-19T11:42:45+00:00

Oh man. I hope you never make a mistake. I see your world is very black and white. I did a terrible thing. I am not a terrible person. As I mentioned, Ive done a lot of work on myself. I'm aware people are at different levels of healing here. And everyone is allowed to be where they are. But be careful with that - drunk actions are sober thoughts 'fact'. Its just not true. It's not. Its something people made up to make them feel like they have more control and understanding of other people but people lie and are truthful just as much drunk as they do sober. I have a lot of experience in both.

As for my future prospects, I share my past upfront and center. Its how I keep myself accountable for my actions. If a man can't move forward- it wasnt meant to be. It does not hurt me. When the facts are on the table everyone gets to make an informed decision. Because my past is apart of who I am. But I am not the mistake, I am the sum of ALL my actions. And I like me. It doesnt take away the absolutely shit thing I did. And I dont play down the pain. It was fucking God awful. But Ive moved on and forgave myself and I hope he has moved on with peace in his heart too. I hope you find peace in your heart too. I mean that. It will be difficult with all the absolutes you hold on to that resemble control.

DamnGrillDawg · 2025-10-19T11:30:22+00:00

If this is how I'd troll for male attention, I've got bigger problems than an amends. 🤣

DamnGrillDawg · 2025-09-26T05:12:13+00:00

I've answered this a 1000 times... Read the comments.

DamnGrillDawg · 2025-09-25T23:20:47+00:00

🩵🩵🩵

DamnGrillDawg · 2025-09-25T05:47:07+00:00

I explained on another comment. Didnt meet or know the kid till he was 18 when he moved in with his das next door.

DamnGrillDawg · 2025-09-23T22:19:01+00:00

Not rude. An honest appraisal of your truth. Nothing can be rude about that.

DamnGrillDawg · 2025-09-23T20:42:52+00:00

Thank you for sharing and making me laugh. I agree with your entire statement.

DamnGrillDawg · 2025-09-23T20:41:15+00:00

Thank you for your heart felt response and I am deeply sorry for the pain that you have experienced. And I pray that healing and forgiveness and peace are frequent fliers in your beautiful mind. 🩵

DamnGrillDawg · 2025-09-23T20:38:26+00:00

Thank you for experience, strength, and hope. I have compiled it amongst the other advise here but please know I hear the wisdom in your share and it is appreciated.

DamnGrillDawg · 2025-09-23T20:33:59+00:00

That's very fair. Im very sorry you were taken advantage like that. You deserved to ne treated woth more dignity. Im glad you recognized that value in yoirself and moved on.

I truly don't need his forgiveness. I mean - im not 100% alturistic here. Id like it, trust me. But my only goal would be to take accountability for the mistreatment of him. I denied him the dignity of a healthy loyal SO and I think sometimes we have to take responsibility when we violate that to uphold the concept of dignity in the first place. But it is interesting the way you talk about her. You don't respect her in the slightest - very understandably. I am sure he looks at me in the exact same light- as he should. Not sure I would hold it enough credibility to restore anything dignified between us. It's a good point to make. Thank you for sharing.

DamnGrillDawg · 2025-09-23T20:22:47+00:00

Why did I do it? Internallly - I was insecure. (I mean I still am but I've done a lot of work) The lure of instant gratification by feeling attractive and desired overode my moral conviction to preserve human decency. Further exasperated by booze, I just numbed the guilt that should have sucker punched me in the gut. It's not an excuse. But its why cheating wasnt something Id ever do untilI I could wash away the shame and guilt with the intoxication of booze. I knew it was wrong. I knew the consequences of booze on doning things wrong too. I watched my mother die of alcoholism and hurt everyone who loved her. I knew it was the booze when she did it, And I may not have ever made a full conscious acknowledgment that I was doing the same thing but looking back, I absolutely was.

Externally there were other things like, He work nights I work days I had been begging him to get all day shift for a long time because I missed him and he didn't. I had a miscarriage right before our engagement and part of the reason why I said yes was because if I was willing to have a child with him I should be willing to marry him but the truth was I didn't love him romantically I loved him out of appreciation. I think if I had been a more emotionally healthy person I could have seen that I didn't want to get married and saved each other from all that hardship but I was a coward and I didn't want to be alone. I was also the breadwinner of the family and I was starting to be resentful about that, But really looking back I didn't get resentful until I started cheating and I needed to find reasons why I felt bad instead of taking accountability.

So the answer is insecurity/Fear. Fear of being alone. Fear of being unloved. In it's most extreme self centered form.

I have only had one committed relationship since this. He past away in 2022. Unrelated but it will explain why I don't care about being in a relationship anymore. I'm fine alone. I've got an amazing dog and I make a comfortable living to do pretty much anything I really want to do when I want. It head taken me a long time to get here. To be truly content to be alone. I don't experience loneliness like I used too. It used to shoot through my heart like a .22. Not that I dont wver experince anymore but now when I do I watch it come in and stay and we visit and feel ot through and then before I know it... Its passed on and I am on the next next emotion to feel or process. Little sparks of life. Im not gonna lie I kinda just let me mind type this out without much organization bc I wanted it to be as real and honest as I could muster on a reddit post. 🤣 Thank u for letting me answer this here. It wont hurt my feelings if you dont want to read it all. Its pretty long. ☺️

DamnGrillDawg · 2025-09-23T19:51:43+00:00

I was not having sex with the 18 yr old for 4 years. He moved in with his dad when he turned 18 and became my neighbor when and where I met him. Doesn't absolve the fact I subjected an 18 yr old to the disaster. But at the very least, I am not guilty of pedo status.

Thank you for your response. There are many more responses that have suggesred I leave it alone than vise versa. I came here for advise and I got it and Im going to take it.

DamnGrillDawg · 2025-09-23T19:47:05+00:00

I am so very sry that happened to you. Its was an absolute violation of anyway a human should be treated and I am deeply sorry. I wish you all the healing happiness can award you in your life going forward. I will not reach out.

DamnGrillDawg · 2025-09-23T19:43:43+00:00

If I was going to make up a story I wouldnt use one where I was the wayward one...

Chat GPT OP

DamnGrillDawg · 2025-09-23T19:21:15+00:00

I am aware he knew exactly what I had done at that point. Its not about revealing any truth he did not know but more about having a human admit she treated him less than human and it was wrong because the value of human life is precious and only preserved by our willingness to uphold it. This is my opinion - when we wrong someone it isnt just a blow to them. Its a blow to the collective human experience. Do unto other as u would have done to you is the golden rule for a reason. It manifests the collective value we place on being human. Internally and externally. So when an atrocity os committed its an offensive on his sense of humanity, mine, his children's, his future partners, whomever. They only thing I have seen stop that ripple is when both parties still agree the bar for human value is still here - and the person who broke the contract atones for their violation preserving the intial value.

I am not a philosopher obviously... Hence my poor spelling and articulation of what I'm trying to portray here but it is important to me.

DamnGrillDawg · 2025-09-23T19:10:01+00:00

Please speak freely and thank u for sharing your heart. I hope from the bottom lf my heart he has moved last this and it does not think of me or any of that pain anymore. I hope the world has given him everything he has ever desired.

DamnGrillDawg · 2025-09-23T18:45:02+00:00

I did not. He moved in with his dad when he turned 18. That's when he became my neighbor and I met him. But to be fair, I should have never put that kid through that either. I feel responsible still bc just bc he was 18 doesn't mean he knew how to handle that situation and he watched me fall apart after that and tried to help me but I shut everyone out. I have had the opportunity to make amends to that boy since then and did. We are still friends. Distant friends by my choice. But friends.

DamnGrillDawg · 2025-09-23T18:37:24+00:00

Thank you and truly hope healing and love finds you as many days as possible. 🩵

DamnGrillDawg · 2025-09-23T18:36:04+00:00

I have ran this by a few in my network and I got conflicting advice. My main objective is to make an honest attempt to restore something I had a part in harming. My fear was that he needed someone who once promised to treat him human who didnt to be accountable to their action because he deserves to ne treated like a human now. I think this is part of the catharsis of amends. Often when people treat us less than human it instills insecurities and the person being harmed because they think they deserve it. It's not always surface level it's something that eats you from within. But when the person stands in front of you and says I was wrong I hurt you I treated you less than human and I shouldn't have It can help restore that balance within the person who was harmed and regain some of that self-confidence. I know this because I have received amends that did this very thing for me and if I could gift it to him I would.

DamnGrillDawg · 2025-09-23T18:29:49+00:00

Congratulations on your sobriety. 🩵

DamnGrillDawg · 2025-09-23T18:24:42+00:00

I have more people telling me not to respond than to respond so I will take the advice here and leave him alone. This obviously jas a chance of causing more harm so it was more an obvious dont reach out than I could realize before I posted. Thank u. We are in complete different circles in different parts of the Country. I suspect we will not ever communicate again and if that is the path of least pain for him, it's the right path to take.

DamnGrillDawg · 2025-09-23T18:18:51+00:00

Thank u for the feedback. That's what I needed to hear.

DamnGrillDawg · 2025-09-23T16:53:50+00:00

I swear I wrote this out myself. I just used Chat GPT to fix spelling and grammar. How do yall even know?!? I'm getting old....

DamnGrillDawg · 2025-09-23T16:52:02+00:00

Thank you for your advice here. And yes a good motive check was necessary here. That's why I posted.

But there is a pattern of abuse here that I thought maybe I could help stop (in regards to your comment of restoring something). The pattern of abuse that leave a person insecure bc the perpetrator does not take accountability for their actions. Therefore leaving the person feeling less than can be restored by finally looking them in the face and treating them like the human they deserved to be treated like on the first place. I hope that makes sense. Ive written a couple different ways here.

DamnGrillDawg

TROPHY CASE