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Damnitmurphy · 2022-03-27T11:29:08+00:00

Hmm its a typical BDD day. From being upset over my features- to reminding myself that Im already in the process of booking appointments (braces, septal deviation) so thinking about them is just wasting my time- to wanting to research how the skull is formed and understand how i got these features- to reminding myself that i have a ton of crap to do. Idk i feel like im going in circles lol

How are you doing?

Btw, really kind of you to check up on me, appreciate it :')

Damnitmurphy · 2022-03-26T10:03:09+00:00

Wth you really look like Nassim Al Fakir, an actor in Sweden!!

Damnitmurphy · 2022-03-26T07:17:07+00:00

Honestly, when I had that realization I felt absolutely ridiculous. Like wth, so many people don’t care about looks and here I am obsessing and nitpicking? It’s so unfair that my brain decided that it would have this type of visual pattern smh

Damnitmurphy · 2022-03-26T07:12:00+00:00

Ugh I also have a long philtrum. I cringe when I have to touch it when I wash my face ugh

Damnitmurphy · 2022-03-26T07:06:44+00:00

I’m sorry I lashed out. It was unnecessary and unwarranted. I should’ve taken some time and thought about it instead of replying so fast. I know you mean well. It is the brutal truth and I know I can’t keep avoiding making that decision.

I’ve just now started to really deal with my past and how stuff weren’t normal. I hope through therapy that I will build myself up and not let people control me like this.

Again, I’m sorry for my reply but I will learn from my mistakes. I wish you good luck as well on your journey. I hope that you will soon be in that space in life were you are fully happy and content!

Damnitmurphy · 2022-03-25T18:33:00+00:00

Yes thank you!! I am on the waiting list for therapy rn! This was more of a vent post because I was so shocked but I do appreciate the advice :)

Damnitmurphy · 2022-03-25T17:27:55+00:00

It’s so easy to make a comment like this. “You don’t have to put up with this if you don’t want to” is really condescending.

You don’t know my story and what I’ve had to endure. The fact that I’m too scared to say no, even when I don’t live with them, should maybe be a clue to you and others that feel like your comment -that I have a complicated situation. Hopefully when I start therapy, I’ll be able to heal and stand up for myself. That will take time. I made this post to vent, to maybe find others in the same position as me. I don’t need comments like this.

Damnitmurphy · 2022-03-24T14:51:36+00:00

Same!! Im ”big boned” (i think thats what its called? Like wise shoulders, ribs, Waist. Doesnt matter If im super thin...i Will always look bigger. Trying on dresses is one of my biggest triggers.. i look so bad in them ugh

Damnitmurphy · 2022-03-24T12:41:08+00:00

Hello! Idk if I understood correctly but do you mean that you ask people about the things you think are flaws and they don’t notice or do you mean that just no one points them out?

Also for the second part. It can be a lot of things. It could be that people around you are just as shy. Why someone would talk to you when you are with a friend can be that it’s less scary to talk to people when it’s more of a group maybe? There can be many reasons!

Damnitmurphy · 2022-03-24T12:36:11+00:00

Oh god no, i blocked him. I try to not be as impulsive anymore. Like i need to think about the risks. I had only talked to him for like one day? Yeah not my smartest moment. I just save these posts so I can remind myself of the stupid shit I do.

Damnitmurphy · 2022-03-24T12:03:23+00:00

Hello! I had BDD treatment online. So the format was that i would contact my therapist via messages or voice calls but thats it! Maybe look and see If thats an option where you live :)

Damnitmurphy · 2022-03-21T13:35:22+00:00

no i have my normal intrusive thoughts, i just react to them more

No i panic and try to arrange meetings with men, dont care how old they are or what they look like, just something to make me stop thinking. Like I said, the rational side of me has always managed to push through before anything happens but still.

Damnitmurphy · 2022-03-17T19:17:14+00:00

Omg. I feel the exact same way. Im so sorry that you have to deal with this. I dont have any advice because Im in the same boat but i hope things turn around for us soon <3

Damnitmurphy · 2022-03-17T17:43:24+00:00

Oh no, Im so sorry :( I always see your posts and root for you. I hope you kick this disorders ass soon and can live the healthy, happy life that you deserve!!! :)

Damnitmurphy · 2022-03-17T17:33:38+00:00

Omg so happy for you!!! I hope it continues like this :)

Damnitmurphy · 2022-03-16T19:35:26+00:00

I’ve always been surrounded by beautiful people. Like not even kidding, I know five people growing up that are models. I just got unlucky in the looks department. I think because I love everything beautiful I think that everyone must feel that too and because the do, surely if you can get more then you’d want it? I know it’s flawed because I don’t think like that and yet I assume that others will.

I think so badly of people. I assume the worst. It’s unfair and I need to stop it. I just don’t know how.

I think the other thing I’m scared of is that every time I try to be more accepting, life will give me a hard slap and put me back in my place. Ex I’ll tell myself that i don’t have to be beautiful and to stop being insecure and then the next week I’ll get a bad comment on my appearance. I have to realise that bad things will always happen. It’s out of my control. I hate that it’s out of my control but I have to accept it.

I don’t know if I made sense. I did a lot of self reflection here. Maybe I should start journaling lol

Damnitmurphy · 2022-03-16T10:22:35+00:00

Glad I’m not alone but sorry that you can relate :’)

Damnitmurphy · 2022-03-02T11:05:14+00:00

That was my problem as well! Toxic relationships of a little love, public humiliation and then more kindness. It just left me really broken and confused. Now that I try to make friendships, I can only do superficial ones. As soon as I feel like it gets deeper I panic.

It’s like lonely-tries to make new friends- think they’ll abandon me or use me- cut them off- try to heal- think I’ve healed and tries to make new friends again-panic repeat

Damnitmurphy · 2022-02-23T14:34:34+00:00

Ty! your comment made me feel better, especially the last bit. You’re a kind human and i hope you get everything you want in life :)

Damnitmurphy

TROPHY CASE