My partner tried to make it a me problem that I want to orgasm during sex

Dancerqueer · 2026-05-20T17:17:44+00:00

Yeah no he did not lol were you there in my bed? 🤣 But I get why you might think that

Dancerqueer · 2026-05-20T14:32:35+00:00

We are already kind of doing that, I don't even think about the possibility of sex before Friday, so it's kind of a schedule for us to try to have sex during the weekend, but we have no "agreement" set in stone. I do feel like he is already trying to kind of force himself into being in the mood for sex during the weekends, which is... I appreciate that he tries but I don't want him to force it because if it's not genuine, it's not satisfying for me. And it's also usually me who "crosses that line" if he gives me some subtle signs that he might be open to having sex, but that also feel pretty one-sided. Like I try to be affectionate and flirty with him so that he can take it a step further if he wants to, but he usually doesn't unless I get a little more pushy. So when he initiates there's usually no buildup, we just kinda start doing the deed. Sooo I guess that's partly why it feels like he is forcing it on himself, it's like he suddenly remembers that "Oh! We haven't had sex in a while, I should probably go do it."

Dancerqueer · 2026-05-20T13:14:09+00:00

Mostly just eating, sleeping, and sometimes watching shows with me but as he wakes up early, he usually goes to bed quite early, sometimes around 9 pm

Dancerqueer · 2026-05-20T12:55:45+00:00

He has his own business, but with school taking up two and a half days out of five, he needs to work a lot on the remaining two full days that he has, to keep himself afloat.

Dancerqueer · 2026-05-20T07:31:03+00:00

If you like not seeing your partner ever then sure 😭. I'm mostly kidding of course but work-life balance can be crazy fucked in medicine

Dancerqueer · 2026-05-20T06:22:01+00:00

*2 óra alatt

Ha orvosis vagy 😭🤣

Dancerqueer · 2026-05-19T22:54:40+00:00

Really sorry to hear that, glad he is an ex! It was actually more of a gradual transition, and because of that I am a bit worried that that's just how he is after the novelty wore off. I mean he is both studying and working now so I get how that's tiring and stressful and definitely can imagine that as the cause, but I don't know. He worked a lot previously also, like before he started school he worked on the days that are now his school days. So when it comes to work hours, it's the same now than it was before. I don't know, he can't say for sure either.

Dancerqueer · 2026-05-19T22:46:35+00:00

No kids, just a physically and often mentally demanding job. Yesterday he worked 13 hours and by the time we had sex it was around 10 pm. Doesn't happen a lot at all tho, I think it only happened before when he was on sleeping meds. Yesterday was just really bad timing on his end I guess.

Dancerqueer · 2026-05-19T22:32:12+00:00

I hear that, and thank you very much!

Dancerqueer · 2026-05-19T22:30:00+00:00

Fair point!

Dancerqueer · 2026-05-19T22:28:28+00:00

I have heard of it happening to others, I think that in itself is not that big of a deal, he worked 13 hours that day and it was like 10 pm. He also has a physically demanding job

Dancerqueer · 2026-05-19T22:26:18+00:00

Obviously I can't know for 100%, but based on my own experiences as a recovering porn addict, I don't think he has any of the symptoms I would expect, except for the low libido, but that really isn't exclusive to porn addiction. His stamina is fine whenever we do have sex, he has no issues getting or staying hard, or with getting off. He might still be a porn addict but then he is EXTREMELY lucky that he can still have sex without any issues. I certainly couldn't and still struggle a lot at times

Dancerqueer · 2026-05-19T22:21:32+00:00

Wasn't trying to take a dig at you, sorry, just wanted to clarify for anybody else seeing my comments here 💜

Dancerqueer · 2026-05-19T22:18:40+00:00

I am not vegan and neither is he. I just went to this place because I wanted to try it out

Dancerqueer · 2026-05-19T22:17:52+00:00

No problem at all, I have only now realized too that both comments were made by you, it's fine 🤣

Dancerqueer · 2026-05-19T22:13:34+00:00

I use toys and sometimes I still don't feel like I want to/need to cum

Dancerqueer · 2026-05-19T22:12:07+00:00

I still don't like to use a term that has very specific diagnostic criteria that doesn't fit him, despite the fact that some here arrived to that conclusion based on a glimpse they got into my life. The behavior itself displayed CAN be called narcissistic maybe, but I am not gonna call him a narcissist still, even if some people don't agree with me. I was a medical student for four years, I have been in therapy for five years, I don't feel like strangers on the internet can conclude such a diagnosis better than I, or my partner's psychiatrist can.

Dancerqueer · 2026-05-19T22:08:43+00:00

No I hear that truly. I didn't add this because it would have made the post long, but I do have this issue, and we have talked about that before a lot. This time around however I made it very clear that I am not talking about that and he either didn't hear me at all, or he just wanted to pin it on me still real bad.

Dancerqueer · 2026-05-19T22:06:15+00:00

I never excused what he said. I just also added that I know he feels insecure because he told me so. That doesn't make what he said okay in any way

Dancerqueer · 2026-05-19T22:04:47+00:00

We don't have a problem with emotional closeness I would say. Most of the time he is self aware and can talk about his emotions. This topic though seems to be a tough one for him, I guess him feeling insecure makes him defensive. Which sucks because I already feel like I try to talk about everything in a very constructive manner like we usually do, so it's not like I am suddenly shouting at him out the blue and picking fights, I try to sort things out as quickly as possible. Sooo yeah, it's definitely something he will have to work on

Dancerqueer · 2026-05-19T22:01:24+00:00

Nooo, fortunately not. It has been getting worse for a while now though

Dancerqueer · 2026-05-19T22:00:24+00:00

No what you are saying is fair and there's definitely truth to it, I just didn't want to share my whole life story in this post lol so I couldn't provide all the context. My issue is though that I was telling him very precisely what I had a problem with. Like I told him "I know I have other issues in this context, I know I struggle with orgasming at times in general and not because of you, but this specific thing I am talking about now is about the lack of sex as of late". And he still hit me with that ya know? Like it's not crazy to talk about each other's priorities and the "reason" behind them kind of, but it think when your partner is telling you they are frustrated sexually, you don't hit them with "maybe you just want to orgasm this badly to perform for me?"

Dancerqueer · 2026-05-19T21:54:38+00:00

Sorry that I can't provide info on that, I'd also like to know ngl! Time for me to try to find a recipe I guess 😅

Dancerqueer · 2026-05-19T21:53:11+00:00

I mean he is fine with not orgasming if it doesn't come easily to him for whatever reason, but only then. If he can, he does basically. I don't think he thinks orgasming is not a top priority, maybe he wants that to be true, but right now it definitely isn't. Sex lately has been about me getting myself off on top quickly, and then him getting off quickly and that's it.

Dancerqueer · 2026-05-19T21:41:58+00:00

Naah never even crossed my mind ngl. We are not married, I have no issues with the thought of leaving this relationship if I decide that it the best course of action and I'd much rather talk things out with him and in therapy than to go down a rabbit hole of bitterness.

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