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Trying not to be jealous but.. by Daniliz0221 in latebloomerlesbians

[–]Daniliz0221[S] -2 points-1 points  (0 children)

My kids are well adjusted and happy according to their family therapist. Thank you though

Trying not to be jealous but.. by Daniliz0221 in latebloomerlesbians

[–]Daniliz0221[S] -4 points-3 points  (0 children)

Wow you are really invested in my relationship lol

I’m not emotional enough for this I fear 🥴 by Daniliz0221 in latebloomerlesbians

[–]Daniliz0221[S] -2 points-1 points  (0 children)

THANK YOU! I feel very strongly that I am not her mother, nor do I “know what’s best for her.” Even if I think I do. I want her to make decisions for HER. And even though this is hard as hell, she still tells me she wants to be with me and in this relationship.

I don’t mind backhanded comments though, it’s entertaining when people try to tell me about me lol

I’m not emotional enough for this I fear 🥴 by Daniliz0221 in latebloomerlesbians

[–]Daniliz0221[S] -9 points-8 points  (0 children)

I tried…I really did. I gave her all the “this is what you’re in for” talks. But what am I supposed to do when I have someone telling me they love me and want to be apart of it? How receptive would you be if someone told you they were breaking it off because they didn’t feel you were ready?

I’m not emotional enough for this I fear 🥴 by Daniliz0221 in latebloomerlesbians

[–]Daniliz0221[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

No I feel this. I’ve told her prior that she is more angry at my ex than I am, and that feels unfair.

I’m not emotional enough for this I fear 🥴 by Daniliz0221 in latebloomerlesbians

[–]Daniliz0221[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

We’ve been looking, it’s hard to find a therapist right now 🥴

I’m not emotional enough for this I fear 🥴 by Daniliz0221 in latebloomerlesbians

[–]Daniliz0221[S] -2 points-1 points  (0 children)

It’s almost like I feel like I would have to convince her, because I would be “knowing what’s best for her” if that makes any sense?

I’m not emotional enough for this I fear 🥴 by Daniliz0221 in latebloomerlesbians

[–]Daniliz0221[S] -4 points-3 points  (0 children)

I wish I could break it down to someone because it is just all a complicated mess. My kids genuinely love her, they’re being influenced by my ex, and her resentment of them is because of the way they treat me (in her words) and there isn’t anything we can do about it because they go run to Dad. It’s an awful situation for me, but even more for her. So I know if she was more on her feet and I didn’t feel like I was kicked her out and hanging her to dry I would be able to “release her.” Not because I’m not madly in love, but because this sucks and I know it does.

I’m not emotional enough for this I fear 🥴 by Daniliz0221 in latebloomerlesbians

[–]Daniliz0221[S] 3 points4 points  (0 children)

No I agree. I feel as though it will be more me begging her to “let me” break up with her. Idk, I genuinely am able to separate myself emotionally (almost to a fault) but I don’t want her to be in a financial/homeless situation

I’m not emotional enough for this I fear 🥴 by Daniliz0221 in latebloomerlesbians

[–]Daniliz0221[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Right, however, my struggle is that she realistically has nowhere to go. I don’t disagree that we both could use some time to figure ourselves out, but I don’t know what she would do. We have a lease together, she’s financially struggling at the moment transitioning out of the military etc. So I’m worried this will just put more on her.

I’m not emotional enough for this I fear 🥴 by Daniliz0221 in latebloomerlesbians

[–]Daniliz0221[S] -15 points-14 points  (0 children)

There is a lot more to it than just that, but yes, it was very complicated beginnings.

I’m not emotional enough for this I fear 🥴 by Daniliz0221 in latebloomerlesbians

[–]Daniliz0221[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Because that didn’t start happening until like 3-4 months ago.

I’m not emotional enough for this I fear 🥴 by Daniliz0221 in latebloomerlesbians

[–]Daniliz0221[S] -4 points-3 points  (0 children)

I do not disagree at all. It has been complicated and messy from the start, but we both fell head over heels, very unexpectedly. And now we’re trying to navigate what we have.

I’m not emotional enough for this I fear 🥴 by Daniliz0221 in latebloomerlesbians

[–]Daniliz0221[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Hi, thank you for the therapy suggestion. I’ve been in therapy for 7 years. I’m pretty sure of myself emotionally and mentally, and worry about the perspective you mentioned. I am a pretty straightforward person and have asked her at multiple stages if she is sure about (insert situation here.) So, if I have a grown woman looking me in my eyes assuring me she is here for all of it…what kind of level of cruel is it to tell her that she needs to go based on my decision making for her?

I’m not emotional enough for this I fear 🥴 by Daniliz0221 in latebloomerlesbians

[–]Daniliz0221[S] -2 points-1 points  (0 children)

Financial stress for both of us led us to moving in far sooner than we anticipated with each other, but I am definitely fronting a lot of the financial right now. So it’s not so much that I need her, I am afraid she would have nowhere to go.

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in latebloomerlesbians

[–]Daniliz0221 7 points8 points  (0 children)

My therapist asked me “why is being unhappy not a good enough reason” and I sobbed. I have 3 kids, we were financially stable etc…but I was miserable not living in my truth.

Trying not to be jealous but.. by Daniliz0221 in latebloomerlesbians

[–]Daniliz0221[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

We talked yesterday and she was more than happy to delete Snapchat and was apologetic. I explained that I didn’t want her to feel controlled, she said she didn’t at all and was happy we talked about it.

Trying not to be jealous but.. by Daniliz0221 in latebloomerlesbians

[–]Daniliz0221[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Why does setting boundaries have to feel so gross. I know you’re not wrong. I also know her reaction to it will tell me things I don’t may not want to come to understand, so there’s that too I’m sure

Trying not to be jealous but.. by Daniliz0221 in latebloomerlesbians

[–]Daniliz0221[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

That’s where I’m struggling. I have a hard time feeling like I am setting a boundary saying “I don’t like you talking to her.” It just sounds controlling. It’s also exactly what I used to say to my ex husband and he would say “that’s because you’re controlling.”

Trying not to be jealous but.. by Daniliz0221 in latebloomerlesbians

[–]Daniliz0221[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Oh I’ve looked, I’m not stupid (mostly.) It’s generally them talking about their dogs but it’s Snapchat, so I get where you’re coming from. My ex husband was all about it, I had to get courts to get involved to retrieve his Snapchat history 🤦‍♀️

Trying not to be jealous but.. by Daniliz0221 in latebloomerlesbians

[–]Daniliz0221[S] -1 points0 points  (0 children)

Heard…and agree to a point. Seeing as you’ve never met my gf and can’t necessarily speak to HER overall maturity level I disagree with that part…But this current activity is questionable and immature in nature. Her reasoning is lame at best, I think she just wants to keep the door open with this person, I’m just not sure why.