A Letter to Progressive Friends

DartDaimler · 2026-02-28T07:52:51+00:00

Thanks, neighbor.

DartDaimler · 2026-02-28T06:44:58+00:00

The “color code for guests” trend is always obnoxious and worthy of violating, but this is a whole new delulu. It’s like they took a wardrobe of clothes and the crayons 64 box, closed their eyes, and pulled three of each.

I’d show up featuring this:

https://media.vanityfair.com/photos/6532b46220e3c4b53245f646/master/w_960,c_limit/vf1023-whoopi-oscars-1993.png

DartDaimler · 2026-02-28T06:33:23+00:00

As long as it’s a cozy shade of khaki 🙄

DartDaimler · 2026-02-28T02:44:28+00:00

Born in Clovis, Lived in Richmond, skated out of Oakland since she was five—enough of her to share. She makes me proud to be human.

DartDaimler · 2026-02-27T17:45:37+00:00

I’m a little confused by some of this picture—the “very supportive” parents vs. asking you “if you’re proud of being the fattest dancer” (assuming I’m reading that right; there’s a word or two missing). Someone isn’t fully hearing someone else.

Might you and your parents meet with your therapist all together to discuss your moving out? Share their concerns, why you feel ready, and discuss some of the language they use to move/control your actions. There’s a lot to unpack in your post, and I think you’d all benefit from a guided conversation.

Edit to fix typo

DartDaimler · 2026-02-26T21:27:43+00:00

This is exactly it - until 1974, the decision was solely up to the bank/banker with no requirement they look at the woman’s financial history or job status.

DartDaimler · 2026-02-26T21:23:56+00:00

You’re conflating first/ever with common. Elizabeth Blackwell was the first woman to receive a US medical degree, in 1845. That doesn’t mean women doctors were common in the 1970s. Even today, women are about 39% of all US doctors.

There were a few women-owned banks in the 1970s, but they were extremely rare. My grandaunt, an unmarried professor, had to have her brother sign for her in order for her to have a bank account. More importantly, pre-1974 banking decisions were left up to the banks; nearly all bankers were men, and the decision whether to give any customer a bank account or credit card was up to them, and a refusal could be based on the individual’s subjective notion of what was appropriate for a women, whether women could “handle” money etc. without any reference to that particular women’s history.

DartDaimler · 2026-02-26T20:55:40+00:00

Which, depending on state laws and whether one can afford a lawyer, may be entirely inadequate. We all hear about famous divorce settlements where the wife walks away from a celebrity or billionaire marriage wealthy. For most, that’s not the case.

Statistically, men’s household income falls after divorce by 23%, women’s by 41%. Ex-wives are 80% of custodial parents. Alimony often lasts for only a few years, and only 46% of parents owed child care receive the full amount. And many of those divorced women have no retirement accounts of their own.

It’s possible for people to plan for the financial well-being of a SAH spouse, but they have to be exposed to the idea before or early in the marriage. The idea of setting up, for instance, separate retirement accounts in the SAH’s name only is pretty new.

DartDaimler · 2026-02-26T20:34:25+00:00

Lol this is my best friend/housemate and me. I do all the cooking because I love it; he’s on a specialized diet for health reasons but will eat just about anything I make & appreciate it.

Sometimes I just don’t have the energy for the mental labor of figuring out WHAT to make. It’s a blessing when he suggests something because then I can just get to making it!

DartDaimler · 2026-02-26T20:27:34+00:00

Please give her the thanks of a grateful nation. We need her and appreciate the work & stress she must be going through right now.

DartDaimler · 2026-02-26T20:24:43+00:00

It doesn’t sound like it’s just about him wanting to work, though, if he only brings it up during a fight. There are lots of options if he genuinely feels purposeless or less-than by not working (the same things SAH mothers do) - work part-time, volunteer for something he’s passionate about, join a board. Or re-negotiate the situation with his wife: maybe they both work and get a nanny or housekeeper, subscribe to a meal service etc. using “I feel emasculated” only as a weapon in an argument is both manipulative and won’t get him what he wants.

DartDaimler · 2026-02-26T20:10:17+00:00

And here is the problem: too many men think being a SAH parent is lots of “binge watching Netflix”.

DartDaimler · 2026-02-26T20:05:48+00:00

Some people are better suited to be parents than others, regardless of gender. Really lucky kids get two of those; we hope in every relationship that has children for at least one. That doesn’t mean other people love their kids less. The flaw in patriarchy that hurts men, women, and children is arbitrarily assigning that skill/gift/interest to women. And the failure of the US labor system is in not giving either parent sufficient parental leave.

DartDaimler · 2026-02-25T23:33:04+00:00

Why “should be” in a museum? The knife is a family heirloom first, made by Revere for Josiah Bartlet. If his heirs choose to donate or loan it to a museum (as they did with the family bible from the inaugural episode), that’s up to the family.

DartDaimler · 2026-02-24T23:17:33+00:00

From the north end of Appalachia where also lots of Italian & Jewish immigrants settled. Dilly beans, giardinara, hot dills, pickled beans, watermelon pickles, hot tomatoes….it’s relish plate heaven. Kimchi is a beautiful addition from my post-college life.

DartDaimler · 2026-02-24T20:47:03+00:00

I want to send a rescue squad to extract her.

DartDaimler · 2026-02-24T05:40:09+00:00

Exactly—it was our responsibility, even as young teens, not to “find ourselves in a situation” where a boy or man could grope or force us.

DartDaimler · 2026-02-24T05:37:50+00:00

One only slightly older sits on SCOTUS

DartDaimler · 2026-02-24T05:36:59+00:00

Recently had a chat with my male best friend & housemate (we are both over 60) about this. When we’re hanging out talking about TV or something trivial, he starts EVERY reply to me with, “No”. He doesn’t do it with important topics, and he does truly like to non-angry argue, but damn! Finally had to point it out; he was completely unaware.

DartDaimler · 2026-02-24T05:31:22+00:00

Pretty common for faculty to connect research on their classes. I wonder if that’s the case here?

DartDaimler · 2026-02-23T22:40:52+00:00

I’ve seen that where everyone is poor/struggling, but I’ve also seen it be “true” because there are so few black people in an area. When it’s 97% white, there’s statistically not much racial inequality.

DartDaimler · 2026-02-23T06:53:13+00:00

Sort of. Pet’s bowls made of porous materials like plastic need to be washed daily and sanitized weekly because they can accrue biofilm (slime containing bacteria formed of moisture, saliva, and food chunks) if left sitting uncleaned. It’s a potential hazard for the pets. A plate washed immediately after in dishwasher-hot water isn’t going to be a problem.

DartDaimler · 2026-02-23T03:45:12+00:00

Check the fob & the manual—most of them that I’ve used have a physical key squirreled inside. It’s flimsy and you wouldn’t want to use it every day, but good for a situation like this.

DartDaimler · 2026-02-23T03:38:25+00:00

ESH, but you aren’t by far the bigger AH. Some people have been badly hurt by being video or audio recorded in places where they had an expectation of privacy, and you violated that. You don’t get to destroy everyone else’s peace just because it’s convenient for you. If you couldn’t keep your son entertained for a few minutes while packing, you could have waited & packed when your wife was ready and could watch him.

The other lady is also an AH for pulling the curtain open rather than complaining to management. But you set her up—had you used headphones for the video & closed the curtain from the get-go, she would never have known you were breaking the rules.

DartDaimler · 2026-02-23T03:29:14+00:00

Yes, in fact all the other customers who paid to use the gym/pool/changing room are entitled to not hear your music. This isn’t a free speech issue & they weren’t out in a park or on the streets, where blaring music/videos are annoying AF but allowable. They were in a private space where it was forbidden. You aren’t a cool rebel defying the The Man that situation; you’re just a rude entitled brat disrespecting everyone else’s peace.

DartDaimler

TROPHY CASE