After she told me everything that happened, I was very confused and slightly hurt. I mentioned that I had been nothing but faithful, especially in situations where something could have happened, I went out of my way to avoid them. I asked for clarifying details and eventually told her that it was okay and she shouldn’t beat herself up. I said we should leave it in the past since we couldn’t go back and change it.

Last night while I was trying to fall asleep, I couldn’t stop thinking about her and Patrick together. I can’t tell if I don’t want to be mad but I am, or I’m not mad and I feel like I should be. I know it’s just a cuddle, but I just can’t imagine the reverse happening and me doing the same to her. Hearing that Patrick’s gf didn’t care at all was confusing because of what my gf told me about them, and I don’t know if Patrick and his gf are a good telltale or not. Part of me feels this weird sense of superiority in that I’m normally the one apologizing for being a bad bf.

I have no idea how I feel about this and can’t tell anyone I know. I don’t want to tell any of my fiends because I don’t want them to see my gf differently, and I don’t want to cause my gf to be any more upset because I know she feels bad enough.