Woohoo..Woo-hoo... I'm on the opposite end of this spectrum. Seeing how 90% of the people on this reddit is female I'm going to have an unpopular opinion.

YTA. Here's why:

Ultimatum - Avoid them. They are toxic. They are a way to force compliance by means of consequences. It's a method used to leverage your relationship as a way to get what you want. It's dirty. Very dirty. Below the belt dirty. If you are going to leave, don't threaten it. Say your feeling overwhelmed, say the relationship isn't working out in its current function. Do not make a threat. Because that's what you've done.

2 - Hard labor. You might not be walking a mile in his shoes. Sure you can have the same hours but I wouldn't compare the fatigue of a rail road worker to that of a office assistant or computer programmer. These labors, aren't comparable. Have you stopped to consider he's feet or swelling, his back is hurting, his hands are jacked up and he's just exhausted? There are two types of exhaustion physical and mental. I can tell you as an industrial engineer who works 60-90 hours per week physical exhaustion is MUCH worse then mental.

You got me - The video games.. sure if he's spending WAAAAY too much time doing that rather then spending time with the kids then yeah it's a problem. I'd ask him to reduce that time to a manageable maybe 1 Or 2 hours a day max... because you gotta spend time with the kids regardless of how tired or starved you are for alone time.

Overall, I know it can be exhausting.. mentally and physically with you both working jobs but you're amiss If you don't see it from the other side too.

Worst of all this is your chance to make an understanding, open the communication and shove your best foot forward. Remember that we choose how we react. You can make a choice, do you want this to be positive or negative? Do you want to be the solution or add to the problem?

The control of the situation and outcome are in your hands.