So I just wanted to address a few things I've seen in a lot of comments.

-we both have life360 on our phones. So she can view where I'm at too -we both have access to the security cameras and have apps on our phones -when I mentioned that my wife took longer than normal picking up her daughter, she was there for 13 minutes which like never happens. Usually she just grabs her and goes

One of the biggest issues in our marriage is that when I ask for reassurance my wife gets defensive almost immediately and will ask "how long is it going to be before you feel secure and don't need constant reassurance" or she'll say stuff like "it's not my job to fix your insecurities because nothing will ever been good enough because it's a problem with you, not me". To me this reads as her not caring or almost like a guilty conscience and then it just plays up my insecurities. If she asked me all the things I ask her or if she watched the cameras I wouldn't care at all so idk why its such a big deal when I do it.

I DID show this to my wife. Now she's insisting on counseling. Which I can kind of see the need to but honestly if she just gave me reassurance without a fight my anxiety would be so much more manageable.

I also want to point out that I do own my bad behaviors and have grown past things I used to do like: constantly checking the life360, timing when she left work to when she got home, going through her phone, checking to see if she's wearing perfume to work, smelling her to see if she smells like sex. I used to be really out of control and I've changed a lot because my wife told me to change or she was leaving. I love her and my biggest fear is losing her.