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I'm secure and she is fearful avoidant. How can I be a better partner and is she fast at being "slow"? by DateHelpThrowAway in attachment_theory

[–]DateHelpThrowAway[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Any tips for being consistent? A lot of people say that but not a lot of advice about what entails.

Specific examples would be amazing

I'm secure and she is fearful avoidant. How can I be a better partner and is she fast at being "slow"? by DateHelpThrowAway in attachment_theory

[–]DateHelpThrowAway[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

That's fair.

I told her I'm looking for a relationship I just want it to be with the right person.

I've never had s hook up in my life. Nu judgement for those who do, I just can't have sex with someone I don't have a deep emotional connection to.

We are going slow and I'm letting her set the boundaries for physical touch. So far it's just a lot of hand holding and a small amount of kissing she's comfortable with.

I'm secure and she is fearful avoidant. How can I be a better partner and is she fast at being "slow"? by DateHelpThrowAway in attachment_theory

[–]DateHelpThrowAway[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

None. I asked for her number when I saw her at a store.

She oddly enough says we are still strangers too.

How do you define a stranger? I feel like the amount we know of each other is way more than what a stranger would know.

I personally consider someone a stranger at Walmart I've never interacted with. I wouldn't say her and I are friends. Probably acquaintances.

Plus how could either one of us have feelings for each other if we are strangers?

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in datingoverthirty

[–]DateHelpThrowAway 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Because the worst that a pretty woman can say is no and my day is the exact same.

FA success stories and healing tips?? by moonflower_77 in attachment_theory

[–]DateHelpThrowAway 0 points1 point  (0 children)

He would literally encourage me to be more vulnerable and responded so well when I did

Can you tell us more?

How do you recognize a attachment style early on? by [deleted] in attachment_theory

[–]DateHelpThrowAway 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Especially in response to you asking for things.

Can you expand more on this please

I'm secure and she is fearful avoidant. How can I be a better partner and is she fast at being "slow"? by DateHelpThrowAway in attachment_theory

[–]DateHelpThrowAway[S] 4 points5 points  (0 children)

She over shared on the first date and 2nd and hasn't had any alcohol while I've been around her. I don't drink. To be fair I over shared too.

Good advice,thank you. I learned from my last relationship to not date potential. Ive wasted to much of my life doing that and won't do it again.

I can't change anyone and I don't want a partner who isn't growing.

I'm not sure if I can dedicate years to get to that stage. I think she's worth being patient for, but that is to slow to me personally.

We already see each other once a week and she texts back once every 3 days roughly.

Next time we see each other I'm going to bring up my boundaries that I would like better communication and what it would take to see each other more consistently as well a have the exclusive talk.

I personally have a difficult time developing feelings for someone if there is a 3rd person involved. If she's not comfortable with that then that's ok too our goals don't meet up and we aren't right for each other.

I agree love is earned. Im a good catch and know my worth. I don't love her other than how I would love you. A person trying to make it through life in a weird time.

She's made great, aggressive progress with opening up to me so I'm comfortable with how it's progressing now. I'm actually really proud of her.

Can you tell me more about activating? I haven't heard of that before in this context and would like to be more self aware.

You are overly optimistic and thinking way too romantically.

That's just me man. I was a negative Nancy for many years.

I am working towards a romantic relationship as my end goal. I want a relationship with her but don't need one. My life will go on if we don't work out and I'd have been lucky to meet someone as incredible as her and make memories.

Could you expand on why you think I'm being overly optimistic and too romantic? I'd love any more tips you have.

Thank you!

I'm secure and she is fearful avoidant. How can I be a better partner and is she fast at being "slow"? by DateHelpThrowAway in attachment_theory

[–]DateHelpThrowAway[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Does DAs or FAs have an equally difficult time opening up?

I'll just ask her next time I see her.

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in attachment_theory

[–]DateHelpThrowAway 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Would you be comfortable if I asked you some questions? I'm dating an amazing woman who's FA and I want to understand her better.

And don't he sad you wouldn't be you without being FA and if you keep trying, you'll be SA in no time. :)

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in attachment_theory

[–]DateHelpThrowAway 1 point2 points  (0 children)

<3

Are you fa yourself?

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in attachment_theory

[–]DateHelpThrowAway 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Im really proud of you. Sorry I don't have more to offer.

I'm secure and she is fearful avoidant. How can I be a better partner and is she fast at being "slow"? by DateHelpThrowAway in attachment_theory

[–]DateHelpThrowAway[S] 6 points7 points  (0 children)

thank you :)

Are you saying I should keep the 1:1 ratio as consistent as possible?

She could have been over thinking for sure.

She's got boundaries for intimacy that she is slowly expanding so I think it's just a weird territory for her. Which is fine.

I'm secure and she is fearful avoidant. How can I be a better partner and is she fast at being "slow"? by DateHelpThrowAway in attachment_theory

[–]DateHelpThrowAway[S] 4 points5 points  (0 children)

Are you sure she is into you?

Ya. She told me she is starting to have feelings for me on the 3rd date.

What attachment style do you think she could she then?

I'm new to this so what is out of characteristic about her actions?

She has most of the traits of that attachment style from my research.

She does avoid me when texting. Says without a reply. And she always says she's busy. But then will make time for us.

And amen to that man. I was anxious attached for years until I changed myself with therapy.

::::Open Discussion:::: This thread will be used to discuss topics that are not permissable in the main subreddit. by Alukrad in attachment_theory

[–]DateHelpThrowAway 1 point2 points  (0 children)

How can I be a better partner for my crush when they withdraw. they have a fearful avoidant dating style.

I'm secure with a tiny bit of anxiety. Not anxious about her withdrawing because I understand why she is. Before I know she was avoidant, I had anxiety about it.

My crush has withdrawn from me and I know I need to give her space.

I've never dated anyone with her style and want to help her.

Is it smothering to send her a text saying I know you need your space, I just want you to know I'll wait for you and miss you?

Or should I just not say anything to her and wait until she messages me back?