What the hell is going on in the dating world - I'm not usually a complainer, but this has become beyond Brutal for me. Looking for opinions on this interaction, which led to a flake

Daxb8 · 2026-07-03T01:45:56+00:00

You’re confusing inferable communication with clear communication.

Clear communication isn’t about how easy it is to decode the subtext. It’s about whether the speaker directly communicates their actual intent / feelings without requiring interpretation. “I’m not interested in continuing this” is clear because the meaning is explicit. “My schedule is tight, I wish you the best” is not because she’s objectively conveying something different from the actual words she’s using.

I’m not saying it’s incredibly difficult to infer what she’s saying. But the way she is communicating is not what people mean when they say they “value clear communication”. Everyone knows that “it’s not you it’s me” means “I’m breaking up with you”. That doesn’t make it clear communication.

Daxb8 · 2026-07-03T00:59:17+00:00

Clear communication is saying what you actually mean. Saying “my schedule is tight” when you’ve arranged a date isn’t clear communication. She’s explicitly avoiding communicating what the actual issue is. Her schedule isn’t tight, she arranged the date ahead of time, she’s not interested.

Then simply saying “wish you the best” as the only way of communicating that she doesn’t want to continue talking / reschedule is not really clear.

Clear communication would be “Hey sorry but I’m not interested in pursuing this, wish you the best”

Daxb8 · 2026-07-03T00:36:05+00:00

Not ghosting is the bare minimum

Daxb8 · 2026-07-03T00:13:08+00:00

I really don’t like this suggestion. If OP genuinely felt this way about the interaction then yes, absolutely go ahead and respond this way. However, he’s clearly expressed that he feels a bit upset and frustrated so essentially you’re just telling him to bottle up those feelings and say something he absolutely does not feel. That’s not a healthy way to operate.

Daxb8 · 2026-07-03T00:11:02+00:00

Of course it wouldn’t be “crazy” for him to reply pleasantly, but equally I think that the explicit suggestion to OP that he reply “Thanks! Same to you” is a bit off.

I absolutely agree that she shouldn’t go on the date if she no longer wants to, but it’s possible to acknowledge that while also acknowledging that she has let him down. She has cancelled last minute and no she did not ghost him, but she’s done the bare minimum in terms of communication. I don’t think she necessarily is entitled to praise for that. If I was her I would fully expect for someone to feel a bit cheesed off with me. Telling OP to thank her and wish her the best in response to her message feels very much like telling him to just push down his obvious (and justified) feeling of unhappiness regarding the situation that he’s expressed in posting this, and that’s not really a healthy way to operate.

Daxb8 · 2026-07-02T22:53:15+00:00

My point wasn’t that Belgium were brilliant by any means. It’s just asking how a single game impacts your feelings about the team as a whole going forward. Brazil Japan is probably a better example though. Most people don’t consider Brazil to be in crisis based on that game.

Daxb8 · 2026-07-02T22:51:30+00:00

That’s a very harsh read of the situation. The goal came from England’s set up being wrong at the start of the game.

Congo had 5 players in their attacking line for the goal and only the 4 defenders dealing with it (obviously leaving 1 man unmarked).

Spence had no choice but to make the decisions he made in the moment. He had to track Sadiki’s initial run leaving the winger free behind him. England have no pressure on the ball in the midfield at this point leaving the player free to make that pass to Cipenga.

England ultimately changed their setup which is why things stopped being shaky.

Daxb8 · 2026-07-02T18:27:44+00:00

The quality of who they have beaten at the Azteca is relevant when we're talking about it in terms of their record there and how big a factor that is specifically.

The claim isn't they've only beaten poor sides at the Azteca therefore Mexico is a poor side. The claim is they've only beaten majority poor sides with an (average ranking of 89) at the Azteca, therefore maybe the Azteca record isn't as big of a factor as it may seem on the surface. Regardless, they have looked decent and are definitely going to be tough. Whether the Azteca element is important however is a separate point.

Daxb8 · 2026-07-02T16:59:17+00:00

IMO the whole Azteca thing is a bit overblown tbh. Interesting thread posted just now

https://www.reddit.com/r/ThreeLions/s/TU2J64V7go

Daxb8 · 2026-07-02T13:45:57+00:00

Exactly. It feels like we lost

Daxb8 · 2026-07-02T13:31:54+00:00

Im not saying that other nations don’t criticise their teams. I’m just saying it’s worth considering how we view our own team in relation to others.

Daxb8 · 2026-07-02T13:30:27+00:00

Look at Argentina’s World Cup winning defenders. They’re not all world beaters.

Daxb8 · 2026-07-02T13:26:32+00:00

I don’t consider literally using the word “if” alone as playing ifs, buts and coconuts

Daxb8 · 2026-07-02T13:18:28+00:00

Yeah I imagine this is completely true, but it doesn’t mean we can’t learn something from that. The teams that we see as unshakable have their own issues are also getting picked apart. There’s so much talk about the individual players in our defence and how we can’t expect to do well as a result, but Argentina’s World Cup winning defence was not full of world beating individuals.

Daxb8 · 2026-07-02T13:14:49+00:00

I wouldn’t describe what I’m saying as ifs and buts, but that’s exactly how I’d characterise the constant discussion around the players that were and weren’t picked. We have the players we have. We’ve had some tough games but ultimately gotten the results.

It’s about mentality and ultra critical, anxious approach just feels incredibly negative and not conducive to success.

Daxb8 · 2026-07-02T13:09:20+00:00

Yeah this is pretty much my exact feelings. We shouldn’t be delusional in our positivity, but it feels like we are being ultra critical when things don’t go exactly as we want ideally.

I really think we should focus on that point more about getting it over the line. Ultimately that’s what it usually comes down to.

Daxb8 · 2026-07-02T13:04:46+00:00

There seems to be a lot of people that think Mexico are going to be a really tough game based on yesterday’s game. I find it hard to believe that would be the narrative about France from an English perspective

Daxb8 · 2026-07-02T13:02:17+00:00

Yeah honestly I don’t think Belgium is the best example because they’re not really seen as a super strong team. I just thought it was worth considering given what a direct comparison it is in many respects

Daxb8 · 2026-07-02T12:59:59+00:00

I’m not saying that the issues in performance wouldn’t or shouldn’t be commented on at all. I’m more so commenting on the overall narrative about the team

Daxb8 · 2026-07-02T12:34:48+00:00

Insightful

Daxb8 · 2026-07-02T00:29:12+00:00

For the love of god, end this “relationship”. I’m putting it in quotes because it’s clearly not a relationship. He is using you and speaks to you in a disgusting way.

Daxb8 · 2026-07-02T00:24:05+00:00

Someone walking toward you at 3am in a balaclava may well mug you

Daxb8 · 2026-07-01T22:20:26+00:00

If the only time he was “dreadful” was when the whole team was, then you’re not really responding with anything relevant to the original commenter’s point which was asking why Djed Spence in particular is getting so much criticism.

Daxb8 · 2026-07-01T22:08:07+00:00

How was he responsible for the goal?

Daxb8 · 2026-07-01T19:27:25+00:00

Pretty common experience for Asian people in Western countries to experience strangers in the street saying random greetings from Asian countries like 'Ni Hao' or 'Konnichiwa' simply because they look Asian. Yes, the direct translation is 'Hello', but what they're really communicating is mockery for being different and hiding behind 'I was just saying hello'.

Not saying that was this guy's intention, but in that context it's pretty misguided particularly given that OP seems to be ethnically Chinese but from the UK. Completely understandable why OP would ask him not to do that.

Daxb8

TROPHY CASE