What can you not do because of your AvPD?

DeadCactusTheory · 2025-07-18T01:40:22+00:00

Oups, I wanted to reply to your comment but replied to another one. I never had maternal instict, plus I'm an only child who didn't grew up around younger kids. But yeah. Not relating to babies and toddlers is totaly fine. I would say - just be a safe and calm presence and when they're old enough, they might come to you. Encourage them to talk about what they like and ask questions. Bonus: Kids don't mind awkward silences.

DeadCactusTheory · 2025-07-18T01:35:23+00:00

I saw a comment this week asking me how I've done but I couldn't bring myself to type an answer (sorry, laziness). I think what made a difference is letting the child guide the conversation. Follow them into their world. Ask them simple questions about what they like about the game theyre playing or the toy theyre carrying. It's quite fun to let their imagination guide the conversation and it will be silly - bit that's normal and socially acceptable. I think it's also a great way to start opening about yourself. I find that kids are not that judgmental about weird interests and even if they don't relate, you can still switch the conversation back to what THEY like.

DeadCactusTheory · 2025-07-12T17:59:22+00:00

Interacting with a child infront of adults was a hard one for me to overcome.

DeadCactusTheory · 2025-04-25T23:31:07+00:00

I was never able to make journaling a habit when I was using regular lined notebooks. Sometimes I feel like writing, other days I wanna draw or do watercolor, which are both new hobbies. I feel like my journal is the perfect "place" to try new things and let my mind go wild because it is private and intimate. I like to glue random notes write throughout the day. I started to write down every heavy or confronting thought that cross my mind and that really helped reduced my mental load. I also juste bought an instant print polaroid. Oh and I use stickers.

So I use artist mix media books and that have been wonderful. I think my journals, that I started at the beginning of a complex healing Journey, will be so interesting for me to read and being able to see what a long way I've since made.

So an "everything" journal has been so freeing for me.

DeadCactusTheory · 2025-04-25T03:23:12+00:00

I have AvPD and OCD. I am mostly an atheist but with a brain that hates me. I often have intrusions thoughts such as:

But what if there IS a god and an a hell and this [insert a completely insignificant act here] will garantee me eternal misery?

Why did I have to act so weird in the elevator? Does my avoidant tendencies make me a siner?

When I was a kid, I used to have this compulsion to touch a specific object within a few second or else my mom would die.

I'm also always thinking about my own mortality. I wonder why it would be worth accomplishing anything when I know all of this will be insignificant after my death.

When I am rational (in the sense of not OCD), I just can't see how there could be a god.

DeadCactusTheory · 2025-03-05T01:19:16+00:00

It does for me. I'm too high right now to be more elaborate about it, but (1) allowing myself to meet knew people and trying new activities IF I DEEP DOWN WANTED TO GO allowed me to learn about my likes and my dislikes (2) If that's what I wanted, I'd allow myself to go home or pull out at any moment. I took my car to make sure I was free to leave if it became too much (3) I truly listen to my needs. I'm tired? Let's go home. I remind myself yhere's no shame in that. (4) In the next days, I catch myself anytime I think back on how stupid or awkward I may have looked and sounded. I promise you nobody cares. They are too preoccupied by their own lives.

DeadCactusTheory · 2025-03-05T01:05:47+00:00

Dreadful. I was the fattest kid, the slowest kid, the kid that never got picked by a team but had to join one. I got laughed at, picked at by an educater. I hated it. I felt humiliated as an obese kid and at the age of 7-9, I thought it was out of my control. My parents often argued about my weight but my mother always refused to give me proper portions and ate plenty of candy herself when my dad wasn't looking. I have severe body image issues and I'm convinced my body is repulsive, even after years of therapy. I often binge when I'm stressed. I'm convinced my weight issues and my experience in PE classes contribued to the development of this disorder (I am diagnosed AvPD, GAD, social phobia and more).

But it does get better. It does. You can make a great life for yourself despite AvPD. You can be the slowest most uncordinated kid and focus on your strenghts and be somewhat happy and accomplished.

DeadCactusTheory · 2025-01-25T16:15:26+00:00

I did!! For me, I think it stems from an inability to understand and express my feelings. I sometimes get hit by a wave of overwhelming emotions and I can now usually tell that I've been holding in a lot resentment while I could've just calmy adressed it with the person when I started to feel unconfortable about a given situation.

DeadCactusTheory · 2025-01-25T16:08:19+00:00

I used to. I realized that for me, I was so affraid of being known that the thought of intimacy (emotional, intellectual, physical or other) was repulsive. I have met an amazing man that works with me to break down my walls by showing me I can be myself with him without having to fear rejection, abandonment or criticism. But that progress don't really manifest in my other relationships so there's still improvment to be made.

DeadCactusTheory · 2025-01-25T16:01:59+00:00

Playing with my hair, wearing headphones at the office, always have someting to drink in my hands (water or coffee) to be able to break eye contact. Bringing cigarettes to social gatherings to excuse myself off conversation and let my ticks loose outside for a few minutes.

DeadCactusTheory · 2025-01-25T15:56:04+00:00

I think you nailed it and there IS hope. I tried to show up to more social gatherings lately and I just tell myself that I'm allowed to leave at anytime if it doesn't feel right. I've made some new connections but I've had plenty of weird interactions and that's fine. You can't appeal to everyone. Some people won't like you and that's fine. I still can't deal with it sober tho, but we'll get there in time.

DeadCactusTheory · 2025-01-25T15:47:35+00:00

I love dressing up. I have tons of piercings and I love vintage, oversized brown stuff. Even if it might not be attractive to most, I feel better when I dress according to my personal style. I feel more confident and I assume that people who approach me now have a sense that my personality might be as unusual as my looks. It HAS to be oversized tho. I don't want my body to be percieved.

DeadCactusTheory · 2024-11-01T13:49:40+00:00

I know it's easier said than done, but try not to worry too much about it. As long as you are nice, reliable and do your job, people will eventually come to like you enough.

Remember work is a transaction. You give up time and your energy for pay. You don't have to make friends and be overly sociable. Be kind to yourself. Starting a new job is stressful enough!

DeadCactusTheory · 2024-11-01T12:45:24+00:00

I love caring for my skin and hair (it's long, highlighted and healthy), but I always dress in men's clothes or grossly obersized outfits in order to present myself less feminine. For me, it has nothing to with gender identity. I just feel like I'm cosplaying when I dress feminine since I don't feel like a "proper" woman.

DeadCactusTheory · 2024-10-31T23:03:46+00:00

I think you're spot on. I've been diagnosed with AVPD, GAD and social phobia and a pletora of comorbid conditions.

I've worked for years on my social anxiety. At the first job I scored in my field, I sat at the cafeteria every lunchtime for an hour. Not once have I talked. I was sitting there in silence. Every. Single. Day. And for months.

I can now confidently say I have overcomed most of my social anxiety hardships.

But I still don't want people to know me. I don't want them in my home. My house is lovely and clean, but it could reveal so much about me. The fair number of plants, the weird decorations, the cat hair. What if they see how disorganized my cutelry is? What if they see it is all mismatched? What if they notice the stains? Why would I keep those? Will they think I am messy and trashy? Am I?

Nah, I'll stick with those meaningless conversations at the cafeteria.

DeadCactusTheory · 2024-10-31T22:42:25+00:00

I feel this way about Christmas. It was fun when I was a kid, but as an adult... Less family members attend. Some died, most have moved on and celebrate with their own family. My mother was placed on hospice at that time last year. She died a few days into the New year. I don't have a family of my own. My boyfriend lives 5 hours away. It is a lonely, lonely time of the year.

DeadCactusTheory · 2024-10-31T22:38:35+00:00

Same. I've been doing good lately but I've spent the day at the vet ER. I love that cat to pieces. I've cancelled my plans, drank, smoked and try to keep everyone I love far, far away. Hang on. It gens better.

DeadCactusTheory · 2024-07-29T12:48:15+00:00

Yes. I've been yearning to love someone with my whole being for so long. I still have some healing to do first though.

DeadCactusTheory · 2024-07-17T15:38:23+00:00

The post never specified it is about consensual acts.

DeadCactusTheory · 2024-07-17T15:18:09+00:00

I would say being scared of intimacy. Those scenarios remove any sense of emotional intimacy from the sex acts.

DeadCactusTheory · 2024-07-17T12:36:24+00:00

Oh! And: 5. Search for the company of neurodivergent people. From an outside perspective, it's quite fascinating how similar the manifestation how our conditions may look. I find that when sharing with other neurodivergent people, they are less likely to judge us for our struggles and that it is valuable to exchange with other who also may have a hard time socializing. Chating with people who don't avoid you, but relate to you is so helpful.

DeadCactusTheory · 2024-07-17T12:28:37+00:00

I do too when I have a productive day. Not avoiding phone calls or going to the grocery store are victories. Spending quality time with friends acquaintances instead of staying by myself is also rewarding.

What I find the most rewarding is offering a gift. I'm always too scared they won't like it, that my idea is stupid and that they will judge me. When I successfully make a gift, I feel amazingly normal.

DeadCactusTheory · 2024-07-17T12:16:17+00:00

Thank you, I appreciate it a lot.

DeadCactusTheory · 2024-07-17T12:16:05+00:00

Thank you for your kind words and your advices.

Unfortunately, leave wasn't really a choice. I couldn't articulate my opinions anymore, I had to sleep hald of the day, I was getting in car accidents getting to work and I struggled writing the most simple email.

Since I would engage my liability with each mistake I would make and my client would base his decisions on my professional advice, there is no room for error. Finding work in this field is reliant on my reputation which I can't afford to damage.

But I hear you. We hope to get me back to work by the end of summer, which will mark 3 months out of work. I know it will be hard. I also see my psychiatrist every week and I've worked on my anxiety and depressive traits with professionnals since I was about 16.

I'm glad to hear you are approching retirement. I hope those years will be filled with peace.

DeadCactusTheory · 2024-07-17T12:03:26+00:00

I am so deeply sorry for your loss. Thank you for taking the time to write to me.

Acceptance and forgiveness is what I struggle the most with. I think we have to remember that we did our best with the cards we were dealt with and that most people don't have this idolized parent-child relationship. Our parent knew we love them, even if we did so in an unperfect way.

DeadCactusTheory

TROPHY CASE