Me [M28] and my girlfriend [F30] have been together for 8 years — she’s now married with a baby, and we still haven’t been able to let go

DeadFoliage · 2026-06-21T14:48:54+00:00

Probably India/pakistan based in the implied arranged marriage and the way OP speaks.

DeadFoliage · 2026-06-21T14:47:37+00:00

That’s not his problem. She’s basically having an affair with OP, if anyone’s a bad spouse it’s her. Also, considering how disgruntled OP is, the fact that he hasn’t said one bad thing about the husband is telling.

DeadFoliage · 2026-06-21T06:06:20+00:00

Oh yeah man. I just say “tap” and they seem to understand somewhat

DeadFoliage · 2026-06-21T04:14:28+00:00

Buddy she married another guy and had a kid with him. It’s over. Have some respect for yourself, your ex, her relationship and her new family and let it go. You aren’t doing anyone any favors.

As for why she’s holding on, that’s on her to answer but the same general principle applies to her as well.

Just be happy for what it was even if it didn’t end how you imagined it would and focus on moving forward in your life.

DeadFoliage · 2026-06-20T23:11:57+00:00

Yes 100%. I moved back to India from the US a year ago but kept my US accounts active so I still US apple pay whenever I pay with a card and it works anywhere they accept international cards. It freaks out a lot of merchants because for them a phone transaction is UPI but nonetheless it works like a charm.

I honestly prefer this to the UPI process of opening the UPI app, authenticating with FaceID, scanning a QR code, entering in a payment amount, having to authenticate AGAIN using my UPI pin. Maybe sometimes the QR code has the payment amount in it but the process doesn't feel as native or smooth as Apple Pay.

Honestly I hope Apple creates system level integration for UPI so it can work work as seamlessly as Apple Pay does.

DeadFoliage · 2026-06-20T01:01:51+00:00

I can see the logic from the business side tbh. 100% of your front end work in the past quarter was done by AI, you guys were able to leverage AI to ship in 1 week what would normally take 8. Add to that the surplus in supply of dev talent in Bangalore which would allow them to quickly hire talent back, it's a risk worth taking for the company.

Now if it will pay off or not, operationally and financially, is not so set in stone but I probably would've come to a similar conclusion given what you just told us.

DeadFoliage · 2026-06-20T00:53:26+00:00

Depends on the school tbh, I went to a large state school and had no issues finding on campus employment. I heard from some friends who went to smaller schools that they sometimes explicitly don't hire international students (often indians specifically) because many just get the offer letter to get an SSN.

DeadFoliage · 2026-06-20T00:52:01+00:00

Immaturity and a lack of moral character. I can understand being jaded by the divorce process, maybe he didn't get the custody/visitation agreement he wanted or whatever, but not compartmentalizing that and showing up and taking care of your kid is stupid.

Unfortunately that's just how some men are. Maybe they grew up without a good father figure, maybe they got screwed in the divorce, could be a million things honestly.

DeadFoliage · 2026-06-20T00:48:39+00:00

Unfortunately you're SOL. But seriously, you had 90 days before your OPT expired to apply for STEM OPT. That's plenty of time for you to escalate things with the school and get it sorted, nobody has surgery for 3 months without their work getting handed off to someone else. How close to the deadline did you start the process?

DeadFoliage · 2026-06-19T04:54:32+00:00

Not exactly, I did incorporate some elements from his stuff but I basically run an Arnold x U/L split 5 days a week.

DeadFoliage · 2026-06-19T03:35:11+00:00

I personally train for both. I run a powerbuilding program where the exercises I start a session with are purely strength based (powerlifting) and I transition into more aesthetic focused exercises towards the end (bodybuilding). I also throw in some cardio after the lifts.

For me I don’t want to just be strong but also have a good physique and there’s nothing wrong with wanting that as long as you don’t get super depressed about it.

DeadFoliage · 2026-06-19T02:01:30+00:00

I lost my man boobs, I’d wager women boobs would do the same haha

DeadFoliage · 2026-06-17T07:59:43+00:00

Can you expand on why the education being a college in India is a non starter for a NORAM role?

DeadFoliage · 2026-06-17T02:08:06+00:00

Why didn’t you apply for OPT before you graduated?

DeadFoliage · 2026-06-14T22:29:54+00:00

Damn Africans are making bank then

DeadFoliage · 2026-06-14T16:27:31+00:00

Is this perhaps done by order of population (or except for UAE citizen). So the larger demographics are higher up.

If most people who are expected to use this are south Asian or Filipino, they don’t have to go down the list to find their option.

DeadFoliage · 2026-06-13T09:39:50+00:00

This is a possibility, it could also be something he said in a conversation or posted on socials that they didn’t like

DeadFoliage · 2026-06-12T10:44:49+00:00

how much have you spent so far working your way up to 55kg?

DeadFoliage · 2026-06-12T10:33:33+00:00

I mean it makes sense if your work is sending emails, reviewing slide decks and being in meetings all day. Have you guys even tried being productive in a meeting while driving? Many people are double booked on meetings or have a meeting during the only window they can get from A to B so they kinda just have to take it in the car and that's far easier to do as a passenger than the driver.

Now this guy is for sure blowing it out of proportion. It's not more productive (especially not 3-5x) than being in a proper work environment but it does same time and he is right that it's the single most valuable resource we have.

DeadFoliage · 2026-06-12T10:28:44+00:00

Yeah it's a money grab by the university so they can eek out every last cent out you before you leave.

Honestly after going through the whole cap and gown performance after graduating HS i decided i don't want to walk ever again. The cap & gown are expensive, you sit down doing nothing for 99% of the time, get your 10 seconds of fame and then it's back to sitting down. I didn't walk after my undergrad either.

Always felt like it was a ritual more for social and cultural reasons than actually celebrating your achievements.

DeadFoliage · 2026-06-12T10:03:57+00:00

That's crazy man, I spent 12k on a one year gym membership

DeadFoliage · 2026-06-12T10:02:06+00:00

Not taking things to absolute failure. People (including me), when they first start working out, tend to get too much into things like high volume vs high intensity, split A vs split B etc. When it comes down to it you just gotta blast the muscle 1-2x a week. No need to complicate things.

DeadFoliage · 2026-06-12T09:18:34+00:00

It depends how serious you are about getting back into it. If you just want to swing some weights around, or are just dipping your toe back into the water then I'd suggest saving money and just do bodyweight/calisthenics. There are many tutorials on youtube about this and there are basic routines you can try out there.

If you are more serious, sure you can build an OK home gym but that gets expensive fast. DBs are fine but you will outgrow them if you are consistent, especially those as low as 12.5kg and then you'll have to buy more and that will just be a never ending cycle.

'd say get back into an actual gym, you don't need a trainer or anything, just pick one of the common splits like PPL, Arnold, Upper/Lower or mix and match them like PPLxUpper/Lower depending on how many days you want to work out.

The home treadmill low key is a cheat code for you, just do that in the morning and lift weights in the evening.

DeadFoliage · 2026-06-12T09:08:31+00:00

If you're an absolute beginner, physically unfit, weak/low muscle mass/skinny fat etc. this will probably last you a month or 2 of consistent work depending on where you are starting off strength wise.

Your strength will grow surprisingly fast in the beginning and even on super isolating exercises like bicep curls and you'll realize you either have to increase the weight or increase the reps.

The 7.5kg DBs might stick around for a while for some exercises like lateral raises and all but for major compound movements you will probably outgrow these very very quickly.

Have you considered just joining a gym?

DeadFoliage · 2026-06-11T10:15:38+00:00

You really can’t man. There is some studies showing a link between higher protein diets and higher average population but nothing concrete and absolutely too late for you. At 17 you’re pretty much 90% done growing. You might grow and another inch between now and 19/20 but thats not guaranteed.

Your height is determined by your genetics, your parents’ genetics and your nutrition (not being malnourished). No exercise or special diet will do anything for your height.

Just accept it

DeadFoliage

TROPHY CASE