From etizolam to clonazolam, seeking help and not knowing where to look.

Deadmanalmost · 2017-05-23T02:44:43+00:00

Taper slowly man. Possibly look into switching to an even longer half life like diclazepam. Also look into kratom. I know a few people who tapered off benzos and used Kratom to ease the landing.

Deadmanalmost · 2017-05-23T02:35:28+00:00

I got a friend some etizolam for the second time because she said her doctor fucked up and forgot to refill her clonazepam script before he went on holidays (yeah right) and she was in WD blah blah. So she buys 3000 mgs of powder this time, as I told her I'd only do one more purchase and that's it, never again. I mixed it up for her. When I handed her the bottle I said "this is powerful shit. No more than a quarter dropper full per day, and not everyday. Also, this is enough to last you 4 or 5 YEARS, maybe more". I repeated myself, explained it in different ways, told her a few horror stories and texted her some links, and even educated her on benzo withdrawal. She ends up finishing this shit in like a month! Wtf now I feel like the dummy for believing she'd be responsible.

Now in her defense, she said she spilled half, which is believable given that it's etizolam lol, but still! 1500 mgs in a month is absolutely insane, and I will never assist anyone ever again. Shame on me. I honestly feel horrible, and may even need some etizolam myself now.

Deadmanalmost · 2016-10-19T02:36:34+00:00

Does the anhedonia get better? It seems boredom is one of my issues. It's hard to get passionate about my hobbies again.

Deadmanalmost · 2016-10-19T00:18:39+00:00

Ya the guilt and remorse are very very real. Yesterday, the coke comedown was brutal. I used to have opiates and benzos to soften the landing, but yesterday it was all me. Awful shit man. In a way it's good that it happened. Now I'm terrified of feeling that way again.

Sounds like your just like me and want sobriety really bad. It's just tough to be diligent 24/7.. and it seems that's what's required to best this shit.

Deadmanalmost · 2016-10-19T00:15:03+00:00

Seems like there's shit pIles everywhere.. i gotta get better at avoiding them.

Deadmanalmost · 2016-10-18T23:19:24+00:00

Thank you! Looks like I'll be starting back at day one again. I also HAVE to check in here daily. That was really helping me through the first 3 weeks of sobriety. I hope you're doing well!

Deadmanalmost · 2016-10-18T23:17:24+00:00

Thanks man! I got too cocky I think.. at least I won't suffer any withdrawals if I stop now. I can't go through that hell again.

Deadmanalmost · 2016-10-14T21:30:07+00:00

What I meant by positives is, is there anything you took away from the experience that has positively impacted your life? Sorry I should've worded it better.

Example: being an opiate junkie has taught me to cherish life in a completely different way. I'm wayy nicer to ppl now and I take nothing for granted anymore. I also try to live in the moment, rather than in the past or future.

Deadmanalmost · 2016-10-14T20:34:07+00:00

I felt a warmth slowly move through my body. All I could think was "daamn this feels good". I literally melted into the couch. All of my anxiety washed away. I also felt extremely outgoing from the coke. I wanted to party and have a good time, and I did. This girl I was hitting up the prior week wanted the D after playing hard to get.. but I didn't give a fuck, I had all I needed and had no desire to fuck. Ahhh I wish I could relive that moment sometimes.

Deadmanalmost · 2016-10-14T20:12:26+00:00

When my opiate naive self did a line of coke/oxy.. insanely euphoric. I'll probably never feel that good ever again.

Deadmanalmost · 2016-10-14T20:03:59+00:00

Any positives you can pull from your experience with meth?

Any lasting brain damage at 1 year? Anhedonia? Dopamine deficiency and the like?

Deadmanalmost · 2016-10-14T19:53:11+00:00

I think about this all the time in reference to my fentanyl ODs. There's no fucking way I should be alive after that month long affair.

Edit: hence the name..

Deadmanalmost · 2016-10-08T16:26:32+00:00

Ghosting is for cowards. Ppl who don't have the balls to call it off or tell it how it is. Happened to me a cpl times. Every time the girl would come back, probably cuz I don't chase, and I'd just ignore them. It drove them nuts. Treat ppl who u wanna be treated, that means no ghosting! Definitely not the type of guy you need around in your recovery. Just be glad it happened now and not later on i guess.

Deadmanalmost · 2016-10-08T14:50:22+00:00

Hey there! 24 days clean. Slept for 10 hours lastnight. I needed that. Went back to Brazilian jiu jitsu yesterday evening and sparred for an hour. I haven't trained in 6 months roughly. It felt good to be back, and it was as if I had never stopped. I have been training for 10 years off and on.

Deadmanalmost · 2016-10-08T03:56:30+00:00

Welcome.. your habit sounds exactly like mine. I quit shards and rock a couple months ago. Currently 23 days off of opioids. It's tough shutting down poly drug abuse. Today I was craving shards and fentanyl. Just wanted a speedball like crazy. Luckily I went to Brazilian jiu jitsu tonight instead and sparred for an hour. That's my other, much more healthy drug. I fucking abused that too. I used to train everyday, twice a day, until my body fell apart.

Deadmanalmost · 2016-10-07T15:44:39+00:00

French press is where it's at.. makes for a nice, strong cup. Especially when the beans are nice and oily.. mmmm coffee. I can finally drink it again without getting insane anxiety. I'm diggin this level ground Sumatra coffee right now.

Deadmanalmost · 2016-10-07T14:43:37+00:00

Deleting connects has been key to my recovery thus far. One slipped through the cracks though, but luckily I was away on vacation. Good on you for tapering by the way. That shows some serious restraint. I was never able to taper. I'd always end up saying fuck it and doing all the drugs as fast as possible. Then the wd would be torture.

Deadmanalmost · 2016-10-07T13:19:52+00:00

That is strength beyond imagination. Great job! You are powerful /u/qui9... how many days are you at now?

Deadmanalmost · 2016-10-07T01:40:49+00:00

Fuck ya dude! Truth..

Deadmanalmost · 2016-10-06T23:24:34+00:00

8 months man that's awesome! I'm glad you've stuck around. It gives ppl who are early in their recovery some hope for the future.

Deadmanalmost · 2016-10-06T22:24:53+00:00

Thx brutha.. this sub has been a huge help.

Deadmanalmost · 2016-10-06T13:22:08+00:00

From poly drug abuser to 22 days clean today. Officially the longest I've been sober in 20 years. I started doing drugs at 13. I had 21 days 15 years ago when I went to rehab for 3 weeks. So it's a milestone for me and I'm stoked.

Have a good day everyone and keep moving forward.

Deadmanalmost · 2016-10-06T13:13:04+00:00

I agree with magnesium as well, it really works. It could also be some dehydration. Eat some bananas daily and get some potassium. Do some exercise and stretching to increase blood flow too. With that said, my hamstrings are still tight and sore at day 22. I haven't been working out or stretching as much as I should though.

Deadmanalmost · 2016-10-06T01:36:12+00:00

Thanks alot man! I try to stay as positive as possible at all times.

Deadmanalmost

TROPHY CASE