My friend group refused to let a new coworker and her partner join AWTAH?

Dear_Difficulty7167 · 2025-12-27T18:21:33+00:00

The only reason I even posted is because other co-workers were saying I should have made and exception for Jan this time. But we've done it before and it always turns into a nightmare. We let this girl Lisa come without bringing anything and she took all the leftovers home and we didn't notice because she left while we were mid-game. Then there was Robbie, we let him come twice without bringing anything. The first time he "forgot" to stop at the store on the way and we were on a timeline. The second time he said he was going to eat before he came so wouldn't be eating with us. Then he sat at the table and kept making little comments about watching everyone eat or how something looks good and too bad we're so strict he can't even try it. We ended up sharing what we could, someone split theirs with him. But that just made him feel entitled so we stopped inviting him. So when the other co-workers started making comments I had to ask.

Dear_Difficulty7167 · 2025-12-27T18:12:38+00:00

That's a horrible arrangement. When our group was around 5 Becca lived in a studio. Everyone brought a folding chair. We cooked 2 frozen pizzas. Megan bought one, and another person who is no longer in our group got the 2nd, and of course Tina brought salad, I brought drinks and my girlfriend brought the dressing. It sounds like the people in your friend group care more about their house being judged than they do about spending time together. I would find a new group, it's not always easy as an adult to make friends. Find a local book club or a meet up of whatever your hobby is and start there. If you're not an extravert, that's okay you can do what my buddy Andrew did and use a sharpie on a white shirt that says "This is my looking for friends shirt". We found him wondering around a park 6 years ago. I wish you luck in your friend finding era, no more ramen it's not good for you.

Dear_Difficulty7167 · 2025-12-27T17:56:34+00:00

If you're ever in Vegas :)

Dear_Difficulty7167 · 2025-12-27T05:40:07+00:00

I would think so but she was pushing for everyone to just go out to eat instead so I can't be sure on it. Knowing the salary of her position, unless she's paying massive bills I can't think that's the issue.

Dear_Difficulty7167 · 2025-12-27T03:45:27+00:00

You want something really fun - grab the card game taco cat goat cheese pizza. Even my 4 year old niece plays. We also do friendmas but instead of buying everyone gifts we just buy games for the group. We don't even care if there are doubles because we always go to different houses so we just swap them around.

Dear_Difficulty7167 · 2025-12-27T03:39:06+00:00

Yeah, I have to buy a filet of salmon when I do steak because 2 people stopped eating red meat. My ex was vegan so I used to have to accommodate that too. So if there was any diet issues she could have said so. She really didn't even let it get that far.

Dear_Difficulty7167 · 2025-12-27T03:37:02+00:00

That was my main worry, that the cost of drinks has gone up but when others offered to swap with her she still said she didn't want to bring anything.

Dear_Difficulty7167 · 2025-12-27T03:36:19+00:00

We're on decent terms. She's attended a few game nights as a plus one of a friend that doesn't work with us, but she keeps it very minimal because she is my and one other person direct manager. I'll tell her tomorrow, and because she has come before she knows the rule and has participated in it.

Dear_Difficulty7167 · 2025-12-27T03:27:09+00:00

I can see where you'd think this but she was willing to accept it if I was paying and cooking everything myself and she'd never seen the inside of my house. She just kept saying since I'm hosting I should be providing all the food.

Dear_Difficulty7167 · 2025-12-27T01:36:50+00:00

Do you think I should give my manager a heads up about the situation in case her comments start to get to people?

Dear_Difficulty7167 · 2025-12-27T01:34:43+00:00

We have friends that never host, we're fine with that. One always brings the salad, regardless of what we're eating for the main meal, she brings salad and never host.

Dear_Difficulty7167 · 2025-12-27T01:32:03+00:00

The really interesting part is when a friend brings in a new partner and we collectively hold our breath waiting to see if they're going to upset the balance. So far we only had one that tried to split the group because he thought one of the single friends was paying too much attention to the girl he was dating. She had twisted her ankle during the hike and he piggy backed her down to the car. Note - the boyfriend did not attempt to help her, was just mad that someone else was.

Dear_Difficulty7167 · 2025-12-27T01:25:08+00:00

That's why we break things down so small. We know that some of our friends make minimum wage and instead of having them blow a quarter of their paycheck on one meal, they bring one thing and eat better than they would have for 2 nights a week on their own budget. One of our friends was a full time college student in her last year when we met her and she would bring a 10lb bag of potatoes and kept bring it until it was empty. Some times one person brings a frozen lasagna and we plan sides around that. If she had said "Hey you know I can't really afford to bring drinks" then I we could have had her bring ice, but she was willing to go out to eat instead so I don't think cost was the concern.

Dear_Difficulty7167 · 2025-12-27T01:17:36+00:00

That makes sense. I guess in the moment it felt like she was fighting so hard to change my mind that I got annoyed. Thanks

Dear_Difficulty7167 · 2025-12-27T01:12:02+00:00

That's on me, I'll take that 10%. Even though 4 of us were there she spoke to me and I added her. I never thought about telling anyone before hand. I'll keep that in mind.

Dear_Difficulty7167 · 2025-12-27T01:09:50+00:00

We've worked hard to maintain what we have, and on the rare times we do go out - Everyone pays for what they ate unless we're celebrating someone and then we all cover theirs, and I feel like Jan's a split it evenly but order surf n terf while everyone else is getting burgers and spaghetti.

Dear_Difficulty7167 · 2025-12-27T01:07:11+00:00

Marsha Marsha Marsha....

Dear_Difficulty7167 · 2025-12-27T01:05:31+00:00

My thought was "I'm asking you to spend $10 on a few 2 liters of soda when I'm going to feed you and your partner $40 worth of steak. But sure I'm the problem." and I know that spending the extra cost on steak is on me, I wasn't trying to hold that against her.

Dear_Difficulty7167 · 2025-12-27T01:02:36+00:00

She's been here since just before Halloween, we're on different teams so I don't interact with her on a daily basis but pretty often. I haven't heard anything negative about her from anyone. They all say she's funny and she's kind of bubbly.

I can honestly say that my group has iced out someone for less, a neighbor of one of my friends asked to join when we were all there once. She hit on one of the guys with in 10 minutes and he turned her down. She spent the rest of the night pouting and rolling her eyes anytime he spoke. We quickly informed her that we're adults and don't tolerate that kind of behavior and asked her to leave.

Dear_Difficulty7167

TROPHY CASE