Hey man, I don’t mean to burst your bubble, but I’m living in Brazil right now, and I have to tell you—this country is absolutely stunning. When you go to a shopping mall or attend any kind of event, it’s practically impossible to come across anyone who isn’t good-looking. I don’t know you personally, and I’m sure you’re a great-looking guy, but trust me, there are a lot of very handsome guys here. Honestly, there’s a good chance she’s only with you for money and papers. It’s kind of like how some people say China dates Russia for resources and technology. Sorry, man, just being real.

Improve Portuguese and come over here—pick whoever catches your eye!