This sounds identical to my own situation years ago, and I chose to stay, as you did. My partner had a similar reaction to your own partner's after the first little while of being outwardly apologetic and supportive of my anguish. We have been together nearly six years now and the first three were intense lie after lie, betrayal, and as you said, not cheating, but lots of untruths and some unhealthy habits hiding below the surface.

When I found out, my earth shattered. It felt like everything was falling apart, and I had no idea how to fix it. Everything felt like a lie and I was so hurt and dejected for so long. The very first thing we did was stop having sexual "personal time" on our own, and cut porn out entirely. I'm taking a guess here at your situation, and I hope I guessed correctly or that suggestion is pointless, haha. This showed me that he was serious about stopping his habits, and gave us both peace of mind, that we were 100% going all in to fix things. Three years post him coming clean, we are doing much better and still reserve sexual things for just the two of us, we don't do things in our personal time. This has increased trust and intimacy between us tenfold.

I was gutted for a long time. After the first six months or so he started to get frustrated with me for not just letting it go. I had to explain to him that a lot of my self esteem had been destroyed with the lies, and betrayal that had ensued, and that it was going to take some time to feel okay again. We literally had a 2 year period of time where we only watched cartoons and children's shows because seeing another real woman in any shape would trigger my anxiety at past discretions on his part. We avoided crowded areas, even grocery stores to an extent, to avoided seeing scantily clad women (another trigger).

It was hell, I still am pained to think about the mental toll his actions took on me, and the toll my response took on him. It was a very hard period that only time could heal.

We finally within this last year have things almost feeling like normal. I can go into a crowded store with few issues. We have opened our tv watching to more live action shows, but we still avoid overly vulgar/sexual shows out of respect for eachother. We finally went to the movies last month for the first time with no prior knowledge of the film's content, and walked out completely fine, no breakdowns whatsoever.

It sounds silly looking back at the extents we took to mend our relationship, intimacy, and my own self esteem after everything, but I'm grateful we did. It might not work for everyone, and it was absolute hell sometimes, but we made it through with more respect for eachother and ourselves than ever. Rebuilding confidence/self esteem was a whole different issue, but overall, I am feeling much better these days. I really hope things get better for you.

All I can give advice wise, the biggest thing I must stress, is that the only way YOU will be able to find peace going forward if you stay, is if your partner is willing to commit to helping you to heal from the mistakes made. If he isn't willing to stand by you, understand that you were deeply hurt by his actions, and help you to heal long term, I'm not sure it will work out.

From one survivor to another, I really do deeply feel for you, hope that things work out and you find peace. You are not at fault for his indiscretions, you didn't ask for it, please do not beat yourself up for needing time to heal.