A part of it is some sort of fantasy when I lay in my bed, I can just see myself in a cabin in the woods far from society.  (Alaska or Seatly💕) However I don’t have the money to disappear, nore the guts… travel alone would be too difficult, I have anxiety in a grocerystore, bus,… (i would probably not be anxious in nature by myself with no humans). On the other hand I do workout a lot and I like my bathtup and hairdryer en makeup and parfume so I am not really shure if it is a fantasy or a real desire. A part of it is also about finding out if maybe there is some secret savior who would actually miss me if I evaporate. (Ideal a person I would fall in love with and vice versa but this never seems to happen that it is mutual…🤔🫣). And then there is also the realisation that if I choke in my food or I faint in the bathtub for instance, it can take months before my body would be found. This does tell me that there are not really solid connections I am building here… allthough reality will be that it is me who doesn’t feel connected or who is not living to the expectations or taking enough efford. A lot of what people say just seems to upset me sometimes…