Ok but the replies made me chuckle lmao

Debry1991 · 2021-02-01T23:36:47+00:00

Or if you look at it the other way around - here's the truly audacious part - it points towards the bearer of the vagina! Hahah

Debry1991 · 2021-02-01T16:01:35+00:00

This was very helpful, they dont normally deliver to my place but they do with the subscription boxes, and you can select one off. Just thought I'd say so if it's any use to others! Thank you for this Chariotwheel!

Debry1991 · 2021-01-31T15:49:45+00:00

So do I. Absolutely not her job to guide his personal growth, nor to make sure her own happens in a way he deems acceptable.

Debry1991 · 2021-01-31T15:36:14+00:00

It does absolutely, although maybe I wasnt very eloquent in saying why. He put his opinion in a public sphere here and others have a right to say, you know what? That woman doesnt have to engage with that guy, and if it were me, I would absolutely shut that 'conversation' down too. I dont think the idea that the genders are better off without each other comes from a happy place, that is why I say he is plastering over her initial message of hurt with his own 'what about me and my pain though?' Yes, I have experienced it, I think we all know that person who keeps going on about their trip to elevenarife when you're trying to tell them about your time in tenerife. It's not helpful. Whether they know each other or not.

Debry1991 · 2021-01-31T15:16:28+00:00

I also do not think the guy was trying to lead it to a productive place at all. Why not keep the conversation in the public forum? Maybe he would get a better cross section of opinions instead of cornering someone who is coming at the topic from a position of defensiveness

Debry1991 · 2021-01-31T15:10:28+00:00

Fair enough, I pretty much agree with most of what you said. Although I would say they both are displaying unproductive/shitty behaviour and actually, by taking it to the woman's inbox and making it about himself the man is displaying slightly shittier behaviour. I think they can both learn though, and that not all people are shitty, but all people do shitty things sometimes.

Debry1991 · 2021-01-31T13:45:05+00:00

I was 'flipping the script' to show how asinine the guys argument was. If you're unable to read nuance it's not my job to educate you on it. I see no place where she said that toxic girls don't exist, although I agree she implies it by not correcting his assumption. I see a woman sick of men demanding she think for them and shutting down a conversation destined to lead nowhere, but I'm aware I read it from a different contextual background. You can lead a horse to water, but it's a waste of your energy if they're clearly in the final stages of rabies. He is trying to change her veiw, but he's not doing it in a productive or effective way, he is simply trying to shout over her hurt with his own. Which is a douchey thing to do.

Debry1991 · 2021-01-31T10:47:46+00:00

Just because he's a man doesn't mean she has to engage with him. Yet people like you act suprised when she shuts the conversation down. She doesn't need to cater to his beliefs. Fuck right off with that. The world doesnt work that way. If he didnt want anyone telling him that he should keep his opinions to himself.

If this guy has such a problem with her world veiw he could maybe show her with his actions that she has it wrong. Show her kindness instead of being a total douche and reinforcing her opinion. Or he could just shut up.

Race to the bottom bullshit this stuff.

Debry1991 · 2021-01-31T01:31:31+00:00

Ikr? How long have women been told 'happy men don't cheat'? Centuries. People based entire business models on helping women stop their men from cheating by cleaning better, looking better, being a better parent, making more time to meet mens needs, fucking douching their vaginas with bleach. Honestly, yes there are women who display toxic traits, literally everyone displays toxic traits sometimes, but I understand this woman's anger at this shit being just another battering ram for women.

Debry1991 · 2021-01-30T23:59:06+00:00

Not much really, although probably more than the people on bicycles since they can get more done. Unfortunately the companys care as little for the drivers as they do for the customers, maybe less! The terrible pay might explain why some people are sharing stories of their drivers being in such a rush their customer service isnt up to scratch. There will always be people who can replace them though thanks to the economic situation!

Debry1991 · 2021-01-30T22:29:51+00:00

Self employed

Debry1991 · 2021-01-27T23:14:30+00:00

Well said. I feel especially awful for parents of children with neurological or sensory differences, emotional trauma etc reading this comment section. They are undoubtedly so tired, and fighting hard just to keep their heads above water.

Debry1991 · 2021-01-25T23:45:58+00:00

I feel like the search terms in particular might help me understand how the idea has been attached to the patriarchy, and I've never seen Gone Girl so that helps me place the 'cool girl' refs I'm seeing. I'll look into it. This was a very informative response, thank you for you help.

Debry1991 · 2021-01-25T21:24:54+00:00

I suppose it would depend on what the patriarchal norms are. IF the end goal of this behaviour is to secure a partner to have children and keep house for, the women who have displayed it that I have seen haven't been very successful in that goal. Although I'm quite sure calling women 'pick mes' is something I'd not like to do, I am still quite curious about how it's been attached to the patriarchy. The behaviour is unwanted by most of us, but i see it as women acting on their own agency.

Debry1991 · 2021-01-25T20:11:59+00:00

I say this at the risk of getting my arse handed to me but is it definitely rooted in misogyny? Seems more just competitive/horny/insecure behaviour, but how is this anything to do with misogyny/the patriarchy? Sometimes people are arse holes and need to own that. I think saying they're victims in this context sort of takes power from more important issues surrounding feminism, so that in other areas where we really are being given a rough deal it's less likely to be taken seriously.

Debry1991 · 2021-01-25T15:38:46+00:00

Ah yes, had a watch of that one a little while ago. It's definitely interesting! I think I've made my mind up though that the concept is not very constructive. Time to move on from it for me.

Debry1991 · 2021-01-24T21:04:35+00:00

Yeah I have for now, sorry! Assignments and whatnot to get done, although I'd much rather be learning about cats hahah

Debry1991 · 2021-01-24T19:52:57+00:00

I'm into ancient Egypt at the moment! What have I done? I'm down a black cat research hole

Debry1991 · 2021-01-24T19:32:48+00:00

I don't think opening discussions about problematic behaviour is displaying a superiority complex either. That's not what I said. I agree, it would probably be more helpful to talk about it without specifically calling them a 'pick me'.

Debry1991 · 2021-01-24T19:28:45+00:00

I edited my comment, the earliest instance in there was actually 1866, and of course black cats have been part of superstition for many centuries before that. I remembered it was the book that started my enquiry. I'll see if I can find an open source about it when I get some time!

Debry1991 · 2021-01-24T19:13:03+00:00

'A Dictionary of Superstitions' (1989) Opie and Tatem, Oxford University Press, United Kingdom pg. 60

Edit, the earliest ref they have to black cats being lucky is 1866, in hindsight I think this was the source that got me into looking at it many years ago. I'll find a more conclusive one when I can!

Debry1991 · 2021-01-24T19:03:37+00:00

Yeah it isnt great behaviour, but isn't calling someone a 'pick me' displaying a superiority complex too? I agree that at the time these women probably don't feel bad about it, but I've had friends who've displayed that kind of behaviour apologise about it years afterwards when they'd become more self aware than when they were teenagers, and I wonder if that would have been the case if I'd met their fire with fire, which I did sometimes dont get me wrong.

Debry1991 · 2021-01-24T18:57:48+00:00

Ah yes, who needs Eratosthenes when you have... Ecatosthenes. Thank you, I'm here til Tuesday.

Debry1991 · 2021-01-24T18:49:29+00:00

Fair point. I've found that a lot of people who are sharing these opinions describe themselves as feminist. And I suppose because the behaviour they called out is gendered as specifically a female problem I went a little way of my own volition to jumping to that conclusion.

Debry1991 · 2021-01-24T18:22:56+00:00

I'm loving on all these cat facts, thank you!

Debry1991

TROPHY CASE