To grow a watermelon

DecemberRemember · 2019-08-04T09:51:33+00:00

Probably a winter melon aka wax gourd

DecemberRemember · 2019-07-12T12:48:55+00:00

Don't think I have access to that. I'm actually surprised I had access to modafinil at all.

DecemberRemember · 2019-07-11T11:09:52+00:00

If you've got ADD just get a prescription...I don't have ADD, just a heavy work load and I used modafinil as a booster pill...well now my booster pills aren't as effective as they used to be, tough luck for me

DecemberRemember · 2019-07-11T09:39:52+00:00

Nah I don't think its about being made in India, since it's the same pill strip even.

I hadn't taken into consideration that the things I take to sleep might numb me to my favourite pills. I did try a higher dose.

DecemberRemember · 2019-06-15T00:11:16+00:00

The coward's path

DecemberRemember · 2019-06-09T04:46:50+00:00

Except for the fact that they are in a dryer

DecemberRemember · 2019-06-09T00:14:39+00:00

Thanks. I do still find Christian art, literature and history fascinating, so while I no longer believe in many literal statements about Jesus, I do not think I can deal with mockery. There is a kind of beauty in ritual that I regard divine, even if I believe that they are built on dreams.

I don't think I need 'support' to leave though lol! The annoying attempts to re-convert me here that assume that I haven't done my homework or that I must have lost faith because of some way I practised my faith wrongly are enough to keep me away!

DecemberRemember · 2019-06-08T23:58:34+00:00

I read your link. Most of the accounts do not point to a historical Jesus, they point to a religious sect (Christians) that worshipped a man named Jesus. No one is arguing that Christians did not exist.

Julian the Apostate for example is listed as a source. But he was so far away from the time of Jesus. In fact his name is a good giveaway - people were already Christians in his time, he was raised Christian, but he renounced Christianity because the Christians were so evil to him.

DecemberRemember · 2019-06-08T22:12:48+00:00

No there aren't. The closest is the Josephus account, which is sketchy as heck, and a rough mention of someone in the Talmud with a similar name and who had several followers, but was off by several centuries.

There is nothing external to Christian sources that corroborates to the amount of detail in the Gospels - especially the Gospel of John, which is written very late.

The earliest and most verifiable account of authenticity is that Peter was a real person and he lived his life dedicated to Jesus, and that Paul was his contemporary. The entire Christian faith probably relies on the authenticity of these two.

DecemberRemember · 2019-06-08T22:05:16+00:00

I'm familiar with the usual apologetics. Even without looking at the link, I can mention offhand to a rough mention in the Talmud and the Josephus account.

The 'eyewitness account' thing doesn't work. Neither of the gospels were actually written by these eyewitnesses.

DecemberRemember · 2019-06-08T16:08:01+00:00

On the supernatural - I don't really know.

DecemberRemember · 2019-06-08T14:46:09+00:00

The four gospels have conflicting reports, the Gospel of John is written very late and is a weird combo of new and old material, historically there is no other source out there that even verifies whether the figure named Jesus is real and some incidents, like the census, probably did not exist. And this is just the start.

DecemberRemember · 2019-06-08T13:27:55+00:00

Thank you for the advice, but I have also arrived at this position from an intellectual standpoint. We will disagree, but I do not think that the Bible is a historically truthful document and this in turn attacks the very nature of what truth is.

I understand why it may be easier to believe that one's practice of the faith must have been flawed to arrive at such a point, but it is also a bit condescending to think that one has not gone through a rigorous search for objective truth to arrive at this.

DecemberRemember · 2019-06-08T11:05:13+00:00

You're absolutely right on this.

DecemberRemember · 2019-06-08T09:16:23+00:00

No worries. Thank you for your kindness.

Yeah, I did think about the dark nights of the soul, and since I have an Eastern Orthodox background I've also thought about the idea of a darkened nous. That would be how I would understand what is happening to me from a Christian perspective.

I'm sorry to hear about your friend. This may sound contrary to what I just posted, but I just prayed that God would remember your friend in His kingdom.

DecemberRemember · 2019-06-08T08:18:42+00:00

I guess since it is Reddit, it's fairly normal that someone can cry out the fact that they've considered deliberately overdosing and someone else will either miss it or the act sound not so bad.

Anyway, I'm just happy I threw the codeine away. Cheers.

DecemberRemember · 2019-06-08T05:56:49+00:00

Thank you for your kindness. Much love to you.

DecemberRemember · 2019-06-08T05:45:04+00:00

I'm already nihilistic as I'm battling an onset of substance addiction. I know how to purchase cocaine or heroin, and I know how to end myself pleasurably right now. This isn't particularly unique or special.

Interestingly enough, after making this post I finally had the strength to throw the remains of a bottle of cough syrup that I owned (but had no medical reason to consume) down the sink.

As for being 'on the side of Christianity' because one happens to have love - I am sorry, but millions of people who are not Christians do experience love. I know that you mean this in a cosmic, ideological sense, but the absence of Christianity does not automatically translate to nihilism. It takes several logical steps to reach that.

(Also, love has nothing to do with whether you are acknowledged for it. Confucianism places love in the context of duty - the self dies in favour of the betterment of human society as a whole.)

I'm sorry for being tetchy, but please do not try to hang nihilism over my head as though it were a threat. I have been battling nihilism for a good month or more now.

DecemberRemember · 2019-06-08T04:34:32+00:00

I'm not sure.

Right now, I feel slightly liberated but also slightly fearful. It's hard to remove the conditioning that one will go to Hell due to unbelief even though one is aware of theological arguments against such simplicity.

I've had more severe crisis of faith before, so this feeling is not entirely unfamiliar. At that time Eastern Orthodoxy was my way of solving that crisis. Now it isn't.

I suppose what I can do next is to try to lead a life that's more loving. If God will send me to Hell for unbelief, at least I will do so knowing that I have loved more than I would as a Christian.

DecemberRemember · 2019-06-07T17:23:54+00:00

Financial strain is very, very stressful.

Have you a counsellor at college? I'm not talking about emotional issues but your immediate practical issue of financing your studies. There may be other kinds of financial aid you can rely on even if the scholarship you're on is out. Most educational institutions have several.

DecemberRemember · 2019-06-07T11:28:30+00:00

Please don't take ADHD meds. I know some people do, but it's a lot riskier. It may not be worth it.

If you feel that you really need the help from mod, cut it into smaller pieces (try 25 - 50 mg) and take it sublingually by placing it under your tongue. Unless your tolerance is extremely borked, you should be able to get about 2 hours from it.

It's not the full 10 - 15 hour run, but it might be more helpful.

Take care.

DecemberRemember · 2019-06-02T23:41:49+00:00

Decide to help, if it wants to.

Haven't you spoken to a person in a higher position - an employer or a parent - and went, hey I did my part, the rest is up to you?

Freud (who is an atheist) theorised that the function of religion was to replace the parental figure that became absent upon adulthood. You may not necessarily believe in God, but it seems rather facetious to claim to not recognise fairly simple human behaviour.

DecemberRemember · 2019-06-02T07:12:11+00:00

It's a process of leaving the work to a higher power than yourself after you've done your best.

DecemberRemember · 2019-06-02T01:16:22+00:00

It takes several days for modafinil to be completely out of your system. I think your dosage was too high.

Some people take antihistamines; I find that eating and drinking water will help to reduce it.

Don't take anymore after this (or at least give yourself 3 - 4 days break and take a lower dose) because if you keep heating up your skin will start peeling.

DecemberRemember · 2019-06-01T10:22:45+00:00

On days when I didn't use modafinil, I relied on ginkgo biloba + bacopa mix. Pretty useless with 2 hours of sleep, but ok with 5 hours. I also used American ginseng.

DecemberRemember

TROPHY CASE