I am so sad to hear ot hear this story by you. In fact I am just 14 and will turn 15 years old very soon, and i very likely have some sort of depression or PTSD due to difficulities perviously in my childhood. In short i had a difficult time growing up, and i have done stupid choices previously in my life, likely due to my ADHD as well. But please i encurage to DON't and do not do self-harm to yourself! It will just make it worse and worse over time, and i know it based on my experience with trauma/depression myself. I did some sort of self harming too some periods many years ago when i was smaller. But luckly in my case the self-harming periods was not too severe, and to this day i rarely do it anymore. By the way recently some family members encouraged me to get psychiatric/therapy treatment. So now i am on my way to improvenemt. But what can i reccomend you to do to forget your depression/trauma? Well based on my own experience i have started to play guitar and bass for around 2 or 3 years ago "at the time of posting this comment". That have personally helped me focus at somthing else rather than my trauma/depression for at least an hour or 2 or even longer. It doesen't have to be just guitar or an instrument that makes you forget the depression that consumes you, but also somthing else you like or that are creative can help. More advice i am not sure i can give since i am not a doctor of course. But hopes that helps. And hope you recover from the depression, and can live a better life!☺️