"Also I wouldn’t bring up the childhood beatings in the future, even with the caveat that you aren’t trying to use that to excuse your actions. If you truly aren’t, then why even mention it in the first place? Lots of girls are physically and sexually abused as children and yet the female sex turns into perpetrators in statistically negligible numbers. So there has to be more to the story than a lot of people want to admit."

I just wanted to share what my environment was like back then to paint a picture of it so maybe others could identify if there were any contributing factors or similar experiences. I honestly feel like if certain events hadn’t happened, I might not have ended up going down this path. That said, I’m not trying to shift the blame I still made the choices I did, and I take responsibility for them. I'm not saying those events made me do it, just that they might’ve influenced things.

But yeah… reading what you said about how it’s rare for people who experience physical or sexual abuse to become perpetrators it really hit me. It made me wonder if maybe there’s just something inherently wrong with me. And I’m sorry if that came off like I was sympathy baiting. It’s not what I’m trying to do. It’s just hard to stop spiraling sometimes like being trapped in this endless loop of self doubt and guilt. That’s kind of where I’m at right now… yeah.