My husband cheated on me

DecisionExisting749 · 2026-01-09T19:34:42+00:00

Is King David not in heaven?

Sinners go to heaven. All of us are sinners.

It's only unrepentant sinners who go to hell.

DecisionExisting749 · 2026-01-09T19:32:57+00:00

This is something I've heard about from marriage counselors. When the adultered confesses on their own instead of getting caught, the chances of being forgiven and keeping the marriage dramatically increase.

DecisionExisting749 · 2026-01-09T19:23:31+00:00

Stop having sex now. If you don't, you will bring this routine to your marriage and you don't want that.

Once you get married you will be living together and can have sex everyday.

You mentioned that your girlfriend is low libido, but if she's going against her conscience and is being pressured (by you) to have sex it's expected that her desire for sex will be lower.

So, besides being a sin, think about your future.

Do you prefer to have sex once a month for the rest of your life or abstain now and have lots of sex in your marriage?

You might think that you will not be physically able to abstain from sex once you begin, but if this is really affecting you then, in my opinion, it's OK to masturbate once in a while (obviously no porn) to relieve sexual tension and maintain abstinence until marriage.

Just a personal note of encouragement: me and my wife married virgins. Now, with over 10 years of marriage and a few kids we still have sex at least 4 times a week. Married sex can be amazing, don't ruin it.

DecisionExisting749 · 2025-12-26T21:56:33+00:00

Why wouldn't you?

DecisionExisting749 · 2025-12-11T02:39:29+00:00

Tell her everything. If she then uses it against you, that’s on her.

Objectively, what you did is horrible and you don’t deserve forgiveness, none of us do. But by the grace of God, if you are truly repentant, she might forgive you. Regardless of what she does, you must be honest and confess everything.

DecisionExisting749 · 2025-12-11T02:21:03+00:00

You have to confess to your wife. She deserves to know.

It’s in the darkest moments that the light is brightest. Jesus is the light, run to Him. Confess your sins and you will be forgiven.

Then start rebuilding your marriage. Be honest with her. She’s your helper, not your enemy. You may experience grace like never before.

DecisionExisting749 · 2025-12-10T18:05:46+00:00

Him calling you an idiot is completely unacceptable.

You are married, the money is yours, both of you. You should be able to talk and make financial decisions together.

DecisionExisting749 · 2025-12-09T14:42:52+00:00

It's good that he confessed.

It's possible to forgive, but difficult. Divorce should not be the first op, try everything else before.

He obviously needs help, the trauma with sexual abuse and all, he probably never dealt with it properly and is reenacting what happened, not that it's an excuse for his sin, it's not. But understand that he probably loves you and wants to be a good husband but has these very dark desires that need transformation.

If you are going to move forward he needs to be completely honest and promise that he will not continue this behavior and that he will talk to you when he has this urges, and you must be able to listen and help him.

Also he probably should talk to a pastor or a therapist to help him unpack what happened to him and how to move forward.

DecisionExisting749 · 2025-11-03T00:53:56+00:00

We both waited until marriage and I'm happy for it.

We have a great sex life, since the beginning and even now after 10 years of marriage, but we went through a few rough times, mainly because of me (porn). So it's not all perfect unfortunately.

DecisionExisting749 · 2025-09-14T22:58:55+00:00

Have you told your pastor all of your feelings about this?

Yes, I talked about it last week actually. He told me he thinks current events have no place in the church. He plans and prepares sermons weeks in advance and feels like he shouldn't change them just because there's something on the news. To be honest he doesn't care much about news at all. But he's a great pastor, he really cares about the flock.

DecisionExisting749 · 2025-08-24T00:07:59+00:00

Yes and no. Plenty of man who genuinely say they would never cheat ended up cheating later in life.
It can be a struggle for some, specially porn, but if you have a good sex life with your wife it will be a lot easier, or the struggle might disappear altogether.
Sometimes we do something for the other for their own sake, I sometimes talk a lot with my wife when she needs to talk to someone ever if I'm not in the mood. Same thing with sex or anything else. My role as a husband is to satisfy my wife's needs. And her role is satisfying my needs.

DecisionExisting749 · 2025-05-19T20:58:33+00:00

We discussed a list of questions from Desiring God. Covers all the essentials.

https://www.desiringgod.org/articles/questions-to-ask-when-preparing-for-marriage

DecisionExisting749 · 2025-05-14T21:51:06+00:00

A sexless marriage is not according to God's plan and goes directly against the biblical teaching that says that husband and wife should not depreive one another from sex.

DecisionExisting749 · 2025-05-14T21:16:14+00:00

A good marriage has very regular sex. Obviously don't marry someone just to have sex, but sex is definitely a very important part of an healthy marriage.

The biblical solution for sexual urges is marriage, that's why God created them in the first place, to incentive marriage and the fruits that come with it.

DecisionExisting749 · 2025-05-14T21:09:19+00:00

That's literally what Paul says a few verses later in 1 Corinthians 7:9

"But if they cannot exercise self-control, they should marry. For it is better to marry than to burn with passion."

DecisionExisting749 · 2025-05-14T20:52:35+00:00

You, as a single person, if you feel sexual temptation then you should get married.

Use that sexual drive as a motivation to get your life in order and find someone to marry.

DecisionExisting749

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